First, thank you again to everyone.
H threatened to take the plates off difficult child's car and then of course couldn't follow through (they say that's typical of an ACOA). Anyway, after telling him to grow some cohones, I made him take off the plates. I have been so at the end of my rope that anything I think just pops out of my mouth. I leaned into his face and just said, "STOP THREATENING AND NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH. AS LONG AS YOU CONTINUE THIS BS THINGS WILL STAY THE SAME AND SHE WILL CONTINUE TO DECLINE INTO FULL LOSERVILLE. YOU ARE ENABLING HER. SHE IS AN ADDICT - JUST TELL YOURSELF YOU'RE NOT DEALING WITH A NORMAL PERSON...SHE IS AN ADDICT AND AS SUCH WE MUST REACT ACCORDINGLY WHICH MEANS WE DO NOT SUPPORT HER!!!!" H blinked and said, "okay." and heaved himself off the couch. They plates are now hidden safe and sound.
Last night, after discussing difficult child and easy child (she's gone crazy on me - more later) I told H that I felt resentment oozing out of him and directed at me. I said I felt that he was angry with me and that I would like to know what's going on. Of course, he acted all bewildered and then said that he's stressing out big time about his work situation (he left this contractor he was working with and has struck out on his own and into a semi-partnership with another contractor). Then he went into a tangent about that and the moment was lost. I did try to bring it back around but instead of actually talking, I simply told him how I felt and that I really don't have the energy to help him figure **** out. I need support now, it's my turn. I told him that I wasn't very happy with our relationship and that perhaps it would be wise for us to go to a counselor together as well as apart. He shrugged. That's on hold for now.
So, today, difficult child and I are headed out to job hunt. I have her dressed professionally, her hair is done (she did it) and she applied some makeup. In going through her closet I pointed out all the professional looking clothing she owns, which she acknowledged - in the past she said she had nothing. Anyway, we brushed up her resume and her cover letter, stuffed the envelopes and will hit all the local industrial parks, DR offices and realty agents. There has got to be SOMETHING. We talked about presentation, first impressions, how the clothes make the woman, etc. So, hopefully she will land something today and it will work out. I also told her that this is it. This is her last shot at making something work, so she better put on her big girl panties and a bright smile and make it work for her. We shall see. I don't mind doing this as I will later hit the gym and the mall when we are done for the day.
I still feel as if everything is in a state of flux, but at least I'm still 'dealing', you know? easy child called me yesterday from a car dealership. She wants to buy a new car. When she graduates from college in January 2010 she will have about $60,000 in loans to pay back. In the meantime she has rent and food, cable & gas to pay every month. She does not need a car payment to boot. Her car is a bit of a guzzler, but H and I both feel she should stick it out at least until the summer and then maybe we can sell that one and get her into something more economical, but it would be a used car, not new. For Chr!st's Sakes! What is she thinking?? I just cosigned a $20,000 loan for her Junior year and I'm paying the loan I took out for her Freshman year. I am maxed out on my credit. I'm actually thinking of selling my time share back and I've never even used the darned thing. Anyway, that's today's rant.
Pray difficult child gets hired by someone today, please. And also that easy child gets over herself and that H wakes up and realizes he is not the center of the universe. That there are others in his life who need support. I'm so freakin tired. Thanks. Bless you everyone.
