Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Holliewho, Jun 12, 2008.

  1. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    Just wanted to say hi. I actually found this board back in 2002 but lost it during a period of no power :tongue:. We were stationed on some rock in the Pacific and lost power for 2 wks. 3 Kids+ no power = mommy forgets LOTS of things haha. At the time I was looking for help with my oldest difficult child. Now I am back. I have been looking for this site but couldnt get the CD into my head for whatever reason. Anywho... I now have 4 lil monkeys and my oldest is putting us through a lot of turmoil presently. She has been in therapy (this time) since November of last year. She hates it and says that is why she is failing everything. She doesnt want to go, but we do make her. School ends soon and she is failing 3 classes has a low D in the 4th class and has a C in one and an A in Art (but she hates it because its hard:confused:)

    My 10 yr old difficult child loves school and is the oldest difficult child's exact opposite. Thankfully. She is disorganized but she is striving to do well.

    My 8 yr old easy child/?? loves to read and reads on a high school level already. He loves to irritate the girls and try to antagonize them into trouble. Would love to live in a tree I swear!

    My 4 yr old easy child is a silly spoiled lil monkey who loves to shop (Heaven Help ME!) Has more shoes and dresses than she knows what to do with! I cant wait for school to start so she can go there and I can shop in peace!

    Anyways that is me and I am so glad to find you all again!~
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Welcome back!

    So difficult child loves school but hates the work. I suppose that means she is very social, which is a great thing for a kid with adhd and odd. Has she ever been tested for Learning Disability (LD)'s? Most difficult child's that do poorly in school hate school. Your daughter loves it. She's pretty old to have made it this far without someone noticing an Learning Disability (LD), so perhaps you've already had her tested.

    What is her motivation for doing well? Does she have privilages that she enjoys that you've used as a carrot? Since she's been in therapy for a while, I guess the therapist doesn't have any suggestions? Have you tried tutoring or mentoring?

    I look forward to having you as part of our membership!

  3. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    Actually she doesnt have many friends and the ones she does have its taken her about a year to make. She likes being with them. That is the only reason she likes school. I guess I should say on top of all other things she has a possible diagnosis of PMDD because she spends one week a month being super physically agressive and one week a month in bed with the "Everybody hates me nobody likes me" problems. Due to age though and because she has only been on cycles for less than a year they dont want to do anything.

    She tends to fight even with the "friends" during those periods and then says she hates school can she be homeschooled.

    So no she is not odd... she is your typical child fighting through life.

    I should be sleeping because she has to be at the bus in oh.... 2 1/2 hours but I cant sleep. She is talking about walking to school (about 5 miles) because her father and her got into a fight because she refuses to do anything around the house and refuses to abide by our wishes. I think she needs In patient care he wants her at a military school. umm help??
  4. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    Oh yeah... right now as for motivation... I have no clue. I am so worn out by dealing with her day to day that I am struggling. My hubby has NO clue. He is refusing to talk to her now because she does not abide by the rules. If you ask her to do something she outright tells him NO I didnt let her go to a church activity tonight because they were swimming and it was a "fun" activity and she hadnt earned it.

    She got her phone taken away because she ran up a $100 above the normal amount doing texts and downloads. (I was sick when it happened and cant remember for the life of me what I did with the phone go figure mom gets pneumonia and house falls apart!)

    She does have her stereo. She still has summer camp for a week at the end of July for now. Thankfully without her one main friend (SamIAm) who she typically gets into trouble with. SamIAm and difficult child like to be totall witches to my friends children and call them names and make fun of them. I do not want SamIAm around her but cannot stop it at school so do not know what to do about it. The child is a pathological lier. Her latest one is that she is one of 9 children and that they all live in different apartments in the same complex because they couldnt all fit in one :confused::confused: Anywho who knows the truth. The mother doesnt see fit to attempt to meet me and just tries to dump her child on me.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Hollie, welcome back.

    My son's first diagnosis at age 9 was ADHD and anxiety (and he had a whole lot of oppositional behaviors thrown in there, too). It turned out that as he grew and changed, his diagnosis morphed and changed as well. We discovered that his ADHD-like inattention and anxiety are at the core of a mood disorder, which needs a different kind of treatment altogether (no stimulants like Ritalin, for example). I'm not saying that's what's going on with your difficult child, but it's something you might want to consider.

    In our house, anxiety = opposition = shut down. My son hates school, too, because it makes him anxious, and in spite of inate intelligence, has been getting poor grades since 7th grade (he just finished 9th grade). Again, just another way to look at what might going on with your difficult child.

    So my questions to you:
    What kind of doctor diagnosed your difficult child with ADHD/ODD/anxiety?
    Is Ritalin making things better, worse or about the same?
    How is her anxiety being addressed (because that may be the key to what's going on here)?

    We're glad to have you back with us.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Also wanted to add: We on the board highly recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It has helped many of us parent our extra-challenging children.
  7. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    She was diagnosed by a child psychiatrist initially. The anxiety has not been officially diagnosis'd. Her current therapist strongly feels its present... her nutcase psychiatrist doesnt. Mostly because they listen to her and she will say anything to get out of going. GRRR! not to mention we are dealing with military docs who sometimes are not so great. Her therapist is absolutely awesome though.

    She has been on Ritalin since 2nd grade. They tried Concerta didnt work. It didnt do anything for the ADHD and made her skip every meal unless you stood over her and she still lost 6 lbs in 6 wks. So that got scratched. Back to Ritalin. She was on that for over a year when we tried Strattera.... made her sleepy and/or physically agressive stopped it; back to Ritalin. She was on Ritalin until end of 4th grade they tried Adderall which was fine except the 2-3 pm meltdown that lasted for about an hour every day with husband gone at the time and 3 other kids that was not acceptable. So back to Ritalin. In December they tried Ritalin SR she was on it for 4 months and she was failing EVERY subject by the end of that and BEGGING them to put her back on reg Ritalin. The boosts were making her edgy and ping when they hit so she was having serious issues in Science and English when it would boost. She never recovered. She will be failing both classes next week.

    They have said possible Depression/anxiety disorder/PMDD and some other things. The PDR she has now is a nutso and is saying well she doesnt seem to have ADHD (yeah because you only see her when she IS medicated you QUACK!) When she isnt medicated she cannot even finish a typical 15 min homework assignment. She cant do her chores or do anything because she is too busy pinging off the walls. When she is medicated we do get a better response, lately though with the hormones and all that I just dont know what to do.
  8. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    I will have to check this out. Right now I am working my way through this one:
    [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-ADHD-Complete-Authoritative/dp/1572305606/ref=pd_bbs_sr_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1213268071&sr=8-5"]Amazon.com: Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents (Revised Edition): Russell A. Barkley: Books[/ame]
  9. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Hello. Just wanted to welcome you to the board. Sorry for the struggles you are facing. Will difficult child have to attend a summer school program due to the failing grades?

    I would also recommend the Explosive Child. If possible, seek additional evaluations to get to the root cause of your difficult child's behaviors, especially the agression. A mood disorder would require a different type of medication and perhaps the ritalin is contributing to the problem even if it does reduce the ADHD symptoms.

    Glad you found us again. Good luck in helping your difficult child and your family!
  10. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    No she wont be attending summer school. When we did her Plan 504 papers all her teachers said she was quite capable of doing her work that she would honestly be taking a slot away from someone who "NEEDED" the help. Which is actually true. I guess here on our beach it doesnt matter if you cant pass 1-7th grade as long as you can after that. :confused: I am waiting on a school who is within our district, but not in our district that is specifically set up to deal with "non violent" children who are not thriving in regular schools due to Aspergers, ADHD, BiPolar or what have you. Hopefully they can get her in. It would mean a change in friends a change in class sizes (25-30/ class down to 10 or so/class) she will still have to change classes and such but they are quite a bit smaller and have more attention for one on one.

    I dont know if we will have to pay anything or if they have bus service which will be a big factor as its not close to us. With gas at almost 4.50/gal that will get quite expensive quite fast :sad-very:
  11. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Good luck with the special school. It sounds like a it would be helpful. Given the schools population though, I am not sure what they mean by non-violent since many specail needs kids are prone to outbursts. If the school is part of an iep then transportation will be provided, I don't think a 504 would offer the same but maybe.

    Social promotion tends to be the going trend these days. Students get moved along with their same age peers regardless of pass/fail. I am trying to get my son to repeat a grade and I have been strongly adviced by the school against it, but I really think he could use the extra year in elementary school to mature and he is not meeting grade level expectations so I am pushing for it.

    Good Luck!
  12. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Christy, the county SD program we're trying to get my son into is for socially and emotionally fragile high schoolers who are not behavior problems. Their dxes include Aspergers, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and some have co-morbid LDs. Such programs may be few and far between, but they do exist.

    And believe it or not, he may have to repeat 9th grade because he may not have earned enough high school credits to advance to 10th grade. We'll know for sure when we go through the IEP process this summer.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome back, HollieWho.
    I'm glad someone recommended The Explosive Child.
    And I'm glad you have a good therapist. (I agree, I hate it when the kid is medicated and the dr can't see the real child and makes a lazy diagnosis or comment.)
    Your 8-yr-old super reader sounds like a handful. How do you find age-appropriate books? I suppose James Herriot's series, Star Trek ...
  14. mama2lexxie

    mama2lexxie New Member

    Welcome back Hollie!
    Glad to have you here! :)
  15. The special school sounds promising, especially if they are used to handling any type of mood disorders.

    Watch for changes in how he reacts depending on the environment. My son likes his school; but he hates the fact that he can't attend regular school and is much more explosive and disruptive there. He simply shut down in the public schools and was not a behavior problem.
  16. Holliewho

    Holliewho New Member

    Terry we found The Mistmantle Chronicles that he LOVED and unfortunately devoured in like one week and it was 3 books! He is currently reading the Narnia books. I think I may start him on the Harry Potter books over their break (which isnt until end July). Our biggest problem is slowing him down. He reads voraciously; at this rate he wont have anything to read by the end of next year that is age appropriate. (even the ending HP are not going to be age appropriate). What can you do? I think there is a series about dragons (dragon keeper or something) that sounds promising.
  17. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    The Redwall books by Brian St. Jacques are something you should check into. I think the dragon book you're referring to is Eragon.