Help what are my rights to kick him out?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mog, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    HI all, I am ready to try to make my life a little easier. I know that the original part will be hard but after he understands that I am serious I think that things will get easier. I hear my moms words in the back of my head about how she felt about my brother ( who is bi-polar but undiagnosed and only self medicating with alcohol and marajuana and anything else he can get his hands on for free since he lives with my dad and my dad pays everything. anyway thats a whole other mountain that has now been put on my shoulders since my moms death in Sept. My dad is soooo lost and I do all of his banking and paying of bills and as much as I can from so far away. He relys on me for everything which I have no problem with. any way sorry started to ramble - MT issue at hand is --- I am now ready to make my 19 year old son accountable to either live by my rules or i will kick him out. I had a police officer tell him that since he lives here I can't kick him out!!! I NEED to know the rules in New Mexico to make him leave if he does not want to follow the rules!!! I know that they can not force us to let them live here with no accountablity but this "stupid police officer" has made him think that he can do whatever he wants with no recourse. HELP!!! PLEASE
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry this is happening to you. I know it's hard, but necessary many times. I am not an expert about this, but I do know here in CA. you have to actually begin the eviction process, although I am not sure what age the child has to be in order to do that. There are many others on this site who have lots of info for you and I'm sure they will be along shortly. Hang in there, support is on the way. HUGS to you, and prayers for you that you find all the right answers for the best possible solution for everyone.
  3. lupylisa

    lupylisa New Member

    Dear mog,

    I am new to this site, so I am not sure of all the particulars rules but there seem to be very awesome knowledgeable people here. I know from my situation with our 18yo difficult child, the police have asked him to leave and he left. My friend that is a police officer said that generally most officers coming to the house asking a kid/18yo+ (lol) to leave will do the trick and he's never come across someone not just leaving as a difficult child will usually escalate things w the officer and then be forced to leave or be arrested. I know in our case he does NOT want to be locked up in jail or treatment so its a good motivator to have someone "bullying" him like he has bullied us.

    Anyway let me express my heartfelt sentiments for your situation. WOW! Not only do you have your son to deal with but your father as well. I am so sorry. I guess thats why they call this the "sandwich" generation bc we get saddled in the middle of problems with our old parents and young adult children. Good luck to you and I hope you find out the particulars for your state.

  4. I'm Canadian so I'll be of no use to you with the laws.

    But I am here to welcome you to this site with everyone else and say that you'll get plenty of amazing support from everyone here!

    Big hugs for you and your husband.... can't believe the police officer said that to your difficult child! Talk about making it worse!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Mog. If your state is one that makes you have to do eviction for anyone who lives in your home, well then give him a list of things he has to comply with such as be respectful, have a job, pay rent, curfew, wash own clothes and dishes, etc and then put in that if all those things are not done by May 30th 2012 you will start eviction proceedings. Then do so. Or..even better, mail a certified letter to him as of today giving him 30 days to be out of your house which does start your eviction proceedings. It will probably take about 60 days to get them whole thing done.
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Mog, I don't know the laws in your state but generally a 30 day notice allows you to legally evict him. Unfortunately, eviction often needs a court order to be enforced if he balks. Housing codes vary greatly even by county and city-you will need to get the information specific to your home.

    I haven't followed your backstory but from your signature it appears that your difficult child's presence is hurting your h who is disabled. Is your difficult child volatile? If so, a domestic abuse resource center may be able to help or at least point you in the right direction. Also, you (your h) may be able to file a restraining order against your difficult child which will can get him removed from your home while allowing you to satisfy the 30 day requirement. even if your difficult child isn't volatile-just the stress it is causing your disabled h could be interfering with his good health and be worthy of a restraining order. May be worth a shot at getting him out.

    Good luck!! Hth
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If he hurts you or damages the property, you probably can get a restraining order. I would call the county court clerk's office to find out what your rights are. You can also google your county or city, state and 'landlord rights' as an adult child is usually considered a tenant.
  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Mog maybe you could get one of those free consults with a lawyer to find out what you need to do to legally get your son out of your home. Otherwise researce the laws in NM. If he leaves do not let him back or you will have to start the process all over again. I am sorry it has come to this. -RM
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was just thinking too....if he actually acts violently to you or damages your property, you can call the police and they will remove him then, especially if you charge him. That will get him out without an eviction.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hey mog -

    Just wanted to pop in and offer my support. You've gotten great advice - but I wanted to let you know I'm reading along and lending a hug.

    Hugs & love
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We went though this with our difficult child. In our state (GA) you cannot tell someone that has been living in your home (established residency) that they have to leave without going through eviction proceedings. I didn't believe it when difficult child told me that (her druggie friends know all of the tricks) but the police confirmed that she was right when we called them to come to our house to make her leave. They did tell us that if she became threatening or violent we could get a restraining order and she would have to leave.

    We ended up getting her to leave after she stole and forged a check and we gave her the choice to leave or we would prosecute.

    Good luck.