Helping Difficult Child lose weight...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Apr 27, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    kind of a different topic for this forum, but not sure if other forums on here would be better. About 6 months ago Difficult Child had the Nexplanon implant put in arm. She had tried one shot of the depoprovera before that. She gained 10# after the first depo shot. Plus her moods were awful on the shot. About 3 months later, she had the Nexplanon...and probably gained 15#. She is just 5 ft tall, and has always been petite. Her younger sister (almost 5'2") has always been more curvy and wore clothes a size or two larger than older sister. Now younger sis has lost some weight (stress and anxiety from a bad relationship) and is wearing older si

    s's jeans. And older is wearing younger sis's stuff because her clothes no longer fit. But even those are tight...

    Today older Difficult Child broke down in tears. I told her I would get an appointment with Doctor that put implant in and they could discuss options. But, (what I didn't say) is even if we do that, she needs to learn proper nutrition. She is a very picky eater, only wanting carbs and sweets. No veggies, no fruit, no healthy grain items. Loves pop and monster drinks. Snacks constantly.

    Her insurance will give vouchers for about 10 visits for Weight Watchers. I thought they would be here by now! I need to take her shopping for a couple pair of jeans...

    I know this will be a touchy situation...and I am afraid to say much...we tend to not be the best at communicating. I have tried to get her to put snacks on a plate (instead of grabbing the bag of chips to eat with her sandwich) but she just doesn't get it. I told her put as much on the plate as she thinks she wants, and put the rest away...but I think it is more of habit or response...she just doesn't see how much she is eating...

    Any ideas on birth control that doesn't include weight gain? KSM
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    On the snacks and portions bit - can you buy portion-sized containers, and fill them appropriately - and she can grab a container instead of a bag?
  3. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Jabber and I used to buy sandwich bags, take a bag of chips or pretzels or trail mix or whatever, and weigh the whole thing out into individual bags, then toss the big bag and everything is already to grab in single-size servings.
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  4. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Lets see if you are buying the food well do not buy fat food or a lot just enough for how how much your family needs to eat without getting sick.
    If she buys her food well nothing.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    The problem is that we do keep a bag of chips in the pantry, but the rest of us will make a sandwich, put a few chips on a plate, and have a meal. But she will just grab the sack, and doesn't seem to notice she is eating it until it is gone. I don't always keep cookies and sweets on hand, but we may have a cookie with our morning coffee, but she comes home from school and eats 15 cookies at one time.

    Or makes a box of mac and cheese, and eat the whole box, instead of having a "serving". I am hoping she can learn portion control, and trying to eat more than just her favorite foods... KSM
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    This has been an ongoing issue with our Difficult Child. As a teen we sent her to weight loss camp for two summers. Unless she is forced to do so, she doesn't even attempt to eat properly. She drinks huge sweet juices in a monster can, giant regular soda pop from the fast food joints, cheeseburgers and large fries, etc. if you suggest she get water and occasional diet soda she gives you a speech about how bad diet soda is. She won't consider getting a burger without the cheese. When she was in the house, we reduced the amount of sweets and non healthy items we kept in the house. The ones we did have, we kept in a lock box. We let her have a small portion most days. She frequently tried to break the box.

    Now she is huge and wants us to pay for lap band and a bust reduction. I find it frustrating. It's a little easier to cope with this when one sees some efforts being made.She has ZERO cause and effect reasoning. So, she is getting extraordinarily heavy and I'm a bit concerned it won't stop.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    That's a tough one. Are there nutrition classes she can take? Miss KT started putting on weight after she graduated college, because her habit of eating crap as a teenager stayed with her. She took some kind of a course online about what and how to eat, and now (unbelievable!) she eats kale, and broccoli, and whole wheat pasta. She's still picky picky picky, but before, the only greens she would eat were Skittles.

    I'm taking a course through, and they do have several courses in nutrition. They're college level courses, but they're free. You don't get credits, just the knowledge. If you think she might be willing, check those out.
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Ktmom...thank you for that idea re Very nice to hear your child doing better in this area.

    Ksm...our Difficult Child gets the Depo provera shot. (Sp?). I think she gained a little bit when she started it. I haven't noticed an increase in appetite since she started it, but her appetite is always rather strong.
  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    KSM, no reputable bariatric surgeon will do weightloss surgery without extensive pre-screening and a psychiatric consult.

    Your daughter would also have to do a liquid diet weight loss program for a period of time BEFORE the surgery to prove that she can follow a rigid diet and dr's orders.

    This is because, as a person who has had bariatric surgery, she will have to a strict diet, both in regards to what she eats and how much of what she is physically able to eat. The portions starting out are tiny, and if someone wants to cheat, it is possible to stretch the useable part of the stomach back out so it can hold more and more food.
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We aren't interested in any surgery for weight loss. She probably weighs about 140, and is comfortable at 120. She is 5 feet tall, and not physically active. The gain started after birth control, but her eating habits are poor, and is very picky about what she will eat.

    I am mostly interested in her attending WW meetings and learning portion control and healthy eating. She tends to be a junk food junkie... KSM
  11. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    There might be an easier way to get her to eat more healthily and control portions: In your imagination, cut a plate in half. Then, cut one half of the plate in half again.

    Now, take the half plate and fill with veggies. Fill 1/4 plate with protein, preferably lean fish, chicken, lean pork or lean beef. Now, fill the last 1/4 of the plate with carbs, preferably complex carbs.

    A dietician told me about this. It's a diabetic trick. Not only did it help a lot with keeping my sugar down, but I've lost 30lbs in the last year or so.
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Buy smaller plates
    No junk food or sodas of any kind
    Keep fruits and ready to eat veggies with low fat dips and hummus available
    no fast food resturants with you
    Sandwiches can be eaten with crisp veggies or pickle spears.

    What she eats when she is out by herself you cant control
  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    She won't eat corn, peas, green beans, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, any type of beans, cabbage, celery, onion, asparagus, bell peppers, snow peas, romaine lettuce, eggplant, zuchinni, cucumbers, tomatoes. She will eat iceberg lettuce with lots of ranch dressing. She won't eat fish or any seafood. Will eat boneless chicken breast, but nothing like a drumstick. Eats ground beef and deli ham. Does not like eggs, except for deviled eggs.

    Rarely will eat fruit...but would rather not. I try to keep apples and bananas on hand, but usually won't eat them... Will eat strawberries if covered in sugar... Sigh...

    She does like pasta, rice, potatoes, and white whole grains... Now you can see why I struggle... KSM
  14. savior no more

    savior no more Active Member

    Have her go back to the provider who put the Implanon in and discuss with them. There are many options. One of the GYN providers I followed this semester said they quit placing them because there were just too many problems and were taking them out due to this. There are different combinations that don't seem to promote weight gain like some and they should be able to work with her.
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  15. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We do plan to go back for an appointment, but are weighting until the end of school...she just missed a week from having wisdom teeth removed. We see the OB/GYN in a town 60 miles away... So we would miss at least a half day of school. She didn't notice much in weight gain while on the pill, but she is awful about remembering to take them... KSM
  16. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Is she even willing to try to lose weight, or does she think that she will just get the implant removed and everything will right itself?

    If it is option #2 I don't think that there is much you can do, because it's not even realistic thinking about weight loss, and if she is bad about compliance with birth control, I'd rather see her 20 lbs overweight than pregnant. Other forms of BC require compliance.

    If she is willing to go to WW and stick with the program it works really, really well, but she has to be willing to monitor her eating and change her eating habits. The good thing about WW is that it teaches portion control and good choices while still allowing you to eat the things that you like.
  17. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Sisters Keeper, I think she is trying some, she says she is not drinking pop. But I found the bag of baked chips I bought for the family on her bed. Sigh... At least they were baked chips instead of regular ones.

    Still waiting on the WW vouchers from the Insurance company to arrive. I am hoping that she learns she has to start eating some "real food" like fruits and veggies...

    I think because of her impulse control, she gets stuck on what she wants, when she wants it, and can't think logically about what is best in the long run.

    I do want her to have some type of effective BC...just not sure about the implant or depo shot. KSM
  18. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I went to WW and lost 50 pounds, but didnt cheat once and worked out every day. Its not as easy as just going and learning. Plenty of people go and don't lose weight because they cheat and dont work out. It is hard to lose weight and requires motivation and dedication and a strong will.

    Sound familiar?

    I dont think we can make our kids lose weight any more than we can stop them from using dtugs. If you dont have junk food in the house, big deal. She is old enough to find food elsewhere.

    If it were me, I'd leave it alone. The only person who can decide to eat better and move more is herself. If she cares enough, she will do something, not until. Certainly give her WW vouchers if she will go but I'd have limited expectations. Another dont want to make her care so much about her weight that she turns around and develops bulemia or anoexia, which can kill young people.
    Take care abd id choose my battles ;)
    Last edited: May 2, 2016
  19. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member vegetables. No fruit to speak of. Lots of carbs.

    This isn't great, but I think the best YOU can do is substitutions. If you don't buy it, it's not in the house. Kind of tough on the other family members, but they really don't need junk food either. But what you do buy, get the lower calorie versions. YES, I know that often low fat versions have more of other things that are bad, sugars, etc. But for the purpose of solely losing weight, it helps. Instead of regular milk, 2% or skim. Instead of regular cheese, 2% (not fat free, it's terrible, lol). Baked chips you already do. Bread - buy the 40 calorie type. Substitute Splenda or Stevia in place of sugar. Buy fat free or lite ranch dressing. Truthfully, carbs aren't very high calorie as a general rule. I once had a doctor tell me to triple my carbs and I lost weight...but I still was eating only 1800 calories a day and no more than 40 grams of total fat.

    In the end though, SWOT is right. You can't make her lose weight, you can only give her the opportunity.
  20. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    If she has some cognitive issues it does make it harder, but WW is the best plan in my opinion because it allows you to eat real food and it teaches you the "value" of foods. In that, say, you can choose to have a few chips, or a large serving of vegetables. I get that it is hard when she has such a self imposed limited diet.

    I might explain to her, though, that the weight gain isn't likely ALL ti BC. That it might be a little of it, but a lot of it is high calorie foods in large portions. Certain foods are just too easy to over eat. A portion size of chips is so much smaller than most people realize.

    I think it's good that if she wants to lose weight you are encouraging her. I enjoy cooking. I try to find many different ways to prepare vegetables that make them more interesting, yet still healthy. My kids love fruit, though.

    Weight watchers has a lot of good recipes to make dishes "skinnier." I make some WW blueberry muffins that are really good and only 2 WW points.