Here I go again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Lisa Marie, Oct 12, 2016.


Should I send money to him for test strips again for his diabetes?

Poll closed Oct 19, 2016.
  1. Wire him the money

    0 vote(s)
  2. Don't wire him the money

  1. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    My son is a heroin addict. He is also a diabetic. He recently relapsed again but is back on methadone maintenance. He and his girlfriend have two children, ages 3 and almost 2. They all live in a shelter. He's had five other children with other women and I'm raising the oldest. No one works. His girlfriend is in a methadone maintenance program too a half day. They are not approved for welfare yet. It's been since July and my son used up the emergency welfare when he got out of jail again in July. My son said November 10 is the decision deadline to see if they will get welfare support. He asked me to help them in August for one month. I was sending them $150/week by Western Union for over two months until I found out he relapsed. They live a distance away. Now he wants me to buy him test strips for his diabetes. He says the others got wet. Said he'll photo the receipt and he has a job interview on Thursday. I told them I'm just going back to work last month after having cancer again and being out for over a year. It's not my responsibility to provide for them and their children. I feel like they are using me and being manipulative. She tells me they have no food and he tells me they have plenty. Now she's sorry for overreacting and says they don't have a good relationship. I know they're toxic for each other. Am I wrong to deny him test strips? They're $130 for a month supply. I called the pharmacy to check. I'm afraid he will use the money to relapse and I told them I'm done sending money as they must now provide for their own children so I can be on grandma status again.
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Welcome Lisa Marie;

    I do not think you should give them any more money. You should take care of YOU.

    As mothers we constantly step in to try to fix and save our adult children. Your son has his own kids for God sakes and he needs to learn to stay clean to be a good dad and support his family!

    It's not up to you.

    We sent our 21 year old son away this year so we won't be doing "this" when he's older. He has to live his life because he was making ours miserable.

    Others will be along that can give you their wonderful advice but stay strong and take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty either!

    Keep posting. We're here for you!
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    He can get strips by going to a clinic. I am diabetic. I bought a meter for 16 dollars at walmart an 50 strips are 18 or 19 dollars. You dont need to send him money. Whos paying for his insulin?
  4. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    Thank you so much. I'm reading your post and it helps me to stay strong and not enable him. He's 34 years old. I wanted him to be more settled by now.
  5. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    He goes to the ER for his insulin. I had no idea clinics give strips. His meter is a Contour which is expensive and strips are $130 a box for 100. I checked with the pharmacy. Thanks
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    He can switch to Walmart brand if he needs it...I am diabetic and the cost of my strips went up. I am switching to Walmart...
  7. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    Lisa Marie, I have no advice, and my heart goes out to you. I'm sure you are thinking mostly about the children, who are the ones being hurt the most in this situation.
    Like the others, I vote for taking care of yourself. You mentioned having just gotten finished being treated for cancer. My goodness. And you have taken on a grandchild. You are to be commended taking care of one of the children, and it will pay off for him in the long run. You are doing all you can do and more.
  8. Test strips can and are sold. I just drive by a sign on a telephone pole in a city in the northeast with a number to call if you want to sell.
  9. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    He has no money to buy any supplies. He has a record so it's difficult for him to find work. He's been looking and has no insurance. He's hoping to get Medicaid next month when a decision is made
  10. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    Thank you so much!
  11. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    I had no idea. Thanks for the heads up.
  12. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    My heart goes out to you, and prayers. Drugs, nasty business. Our son was clinically dead...and starting life over..long and tedious process.

    Your son has to figure it out...I'm sure they are fed. I'm praying for the children and you sweet woman.

    Many blessings,
  13. Lisa Marie

    Lisa Marie New Member

    Thank you. I just found out that the mom is a high risk pregnancy today. I didn't even know she was pregnant. I wondered why she wasn't working. They can't provide for the two little ones and now they're having another one addicted to methadone. They are not getting any food stamps, cash assistance nor Medicaid until a decision is made by November 10. I hope my son finds work. Best wishes to your son.
  14. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    Hi LM.
    So sorry he's put you in an impossible situation again. I too, here in the midwest, am aware that test strips are stolen and sold. What a crazy world, huh? Your son and his family are far away-are you sure much of what they are telling you is true? This certainly would be the thing he would know you wouldn't want him to be without. It is perfectly ok to say no. It seems to me that you've used up your yeses over the years, haven't you? You've done all you could, it's way past time for him to man up.
    That being said..Contour can be bought ebay for $12 for 50. If you can't say no outright, then how about offering to order strips and send them to him, his response will let you know better what's really going on. $130.00 is a valuable thing to just have "gotten wet", don't you think? Can he go to a clinic and just have his sugar checked there?
    He has made some really poor choices, you have assisted many times trying to help without success. Rest now, take care of you. Nothing is ever the emergency that they make it to be. He needs to find resources that are not his mother. If you can, make him do that.
    And....if you can't, we get it. Our fear of "what will happen if we don't" has driven many of us to do things that in the end were unwise for all involved. Hugs to you today. I've been there, you'll get stronger, keep us posted. Prayers.
  15. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    One thing in your sons favor...there is a female partner, who is pregnant, and other young children involved. I don't know what state you live in, but they would probably go to the front of the line for help in my state.

    Can you research where they might get help and text that info to him?

  16. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I agree. The children would be cared for and made sure they got assistance first with mother. The clinic for methadone would have to report if children we're going hungry.

    Churches are good resources, and food banks have contacts too.

    Praying Nov 10 decision provides.

  17. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Lisa.

    Are you sure that what your son is telling you about the welfare is correct?

    I have never heard of a state that makes you wait that long to get approved. Usually, you can get approval instantly for the non-cash part, (food stamps and Medicaid) and approval for cash within a couple of weeks (though some states require an in-person interview too). They should have been put on a list for housing immediately. I have never heard of it taking months and months.

    Especially with them having two young kids, a pregnancy, no income, no or very few assets, no housing, basically destitute. I can't understand how this could be so, when welfare is something designed to be for emergency situations, not months down the line.

    I wouldn't send any money when you don't even know the truth of the situation.

    Take care of yourself. You can't fix this.

  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    The girlfriend also is eligible for WIC which will provide extra groceries as well. I bet the shelter has hooked them up with all the services available to them. I wouldn't worry.

    And don't send any more money.
  19. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    My mother is diabetic and has to test. Her strips are covered by her Medicare supplemental insurance, but I think the retail cost is around 75 dollars per month.

    There is assistance available of various kinds to get diabetic supplies. I would write to the manufacturer of the strips he uses and see if they have any kind of indigent patients' program.

    I am also wondering how he is getting his insulin; especially with the fairly recent price jump to over 1400 dollars per month.
  20. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member