Here we go again

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Tired Mom, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    I knew in my heart when my son came home from rehab it was only a matter of time before he relapsed if he hadn't already. Things have been adding up that weren't quite right. Last night he came home and said that Windshield of the car was cracked so we took him to work today and told him we would call the insurance company. I don't know if he realized it but I gave him the opportunity to empty the car because I told him it was possible people would be poking around the car today and he said he didn't have anything he needed to get out of the car. I couldn't help but opening the trunk of the car after I came home from dropping him off and inside was an alcohol bottle. Then I looked in the center console and there is a container of white odorless powder. My husband thinks that it is possibly the workout supplements that he has been taking me in my heart I don't think it is the workout supplement. In the past three weeks twice I have found parts of pens in the bathroom. I suspect the parts of pens were for snorting whatever the powder is. Feeling sick about how this is going to play out tonight. I suspect he will walk out. I am thinking about looking into the local intensive outpatient program that was brought up last time as an option and offering that to him or the possibility of going back to a different inpatient rehab but I don't know if he will be willing to do either. I can say that dealing with the insurance company was a nightmare last time. I think I have read that it is easier to get insurance to pay if they overdose I don't know if there is a way to get them pay if he hasn't overdosed and was willing to go. I am meeting my only friend who I have told what was going on in an hour. I debated canceling but I think I need real friend right now. I am thinking about if he walks out tonight he may overdose and die. This hurts so much. We didn't go back to the Midwest for Christmas to see our family this year because I had this deep feeling that we would come back and find him dead and I didn't think I could live with that.(morbid thought I know .) Even thinking outside of what immediately is happening I am dreading going to work Monday and having everyone talk about their wonderful Holidays and their questions about mine. Even if the other powder is the workout powder there is a problem even it is only alcohol. I recently found out that the my father who I have very little contact with has alcohol induced dementia. When he had apartment he thought aliens were shooting laser beams at him. My father is now homeless living in his car and there have been complaints against him because he is following teenage girls home in his car. Sigh yes I think my son inherited this addict gene.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Been there - not because of drugs but because of mental health. And a few years later, the kid told me that I had been right, if we hadn't always left someone home with him, he would probably have attempted it, possibly succeeded.
    But nobody else understands why you can't leave a kid "THAT old" alone in the house.

  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Tired Mom, I am so sorry for you heartache, the ups and downs of it all. It is a hard road we are all on.....
    I went back to your original thread to get some more background, this has been quite some time for you dealing with this in your home. I feel for your 14 year old, my son is also 14, and a sweet kid, he literally grew up on this drama-go-round with his sisters, in an out of the house.....
    This is COMS post to you from 8/14
    The words here still ring true, dear. I desperately tried to help my two, but I believe I just prolonged things for them, and for us. It seems, as long as they realized they could still lean on us, they did not make efforts to change. What happened, is we ended up deeply entangled in the chaos of their addiction. They are adults, they will make choices, and there is nothing we can say or do, to control that.
    You are a kind and loving parent. These things you can offer, but it is really up to him to decide. I wish you the best with this. It is important to take care of yourself, and be ready for whatever the outcome is. I know it is devastatingly hard. I am sorry for the pain of it, and the struggle with insurance and so on. It saps energy, just thinking of this.
    I have learned to keep my response short. I do know how it feels, when others are talking about their easy children. There is that hole there in our guts.....
    I am sorry for the pain of this, it is a double sadness. Please do not see this as an omen for your sons future. There is always hope. There are treatments and help for folks out there. 20 is so young.
    But, your boy is an adult, and will choose, as he will.

    I am glad your younger son is doing so well. Mine is doing well, too. He has enjoyed the peace in our home, for 4 months now. We finally said enough is enough and decided to close the "revolving door." Of course, it is yours to decide, everyones circumstances are different.

    This is what helped me truly look at the impossibility of it all, and the reality, that we could not control the choices of our adult girls.

    It was a dreadful chaotic morning, drama filled with rantings from my Tornado. After she left, with my grands, I found my sweet boy, curled up in a ball, on my bed crying with the frustration of it all.

    Then and there, I decided that it was all so unfair to him, he was still a minor, and it was my job to take care of his needs, provide peace in the home, for him.

    I wish you the best, I know it is hard to battle with head and heart.

    Take care Tired Mom, do kind things for yourself, you matter. This is so heart wrenching for us moms. I still feel the sting of it, some days more than others, but it is getting better, as time passes.

    I ended up looking up to the sky, and asking God to look after my two, it was too much for me to bear. When I find my thoughts going in all directions with this, I say a quick prayer, it is calming. Whatever your beliefs, if you have a higher power, it helps to give in to that.

    Praying for your for peace of mind and heart, you are not alone......

  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Tired, I am sorry. I remember so well the deep pain I felt when I realize my daughter had relapsed. I knew it was inevitable but it still hurt. We were told at rehab that young people have a very difficult time staying sober because everyone around them drinks or uses some drug. It's hard for them to give up all their friends and find new sober ones. Knowing that doesn't make you feel better though.

    They also told us in rehab to have a plan B for when they relapsed. I suspect that is what you are scrambling to do now.

    You are in my thoughts, I feel your pain as if it were my own. It was not that long ago.
  5. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    I have learned when people ask me about things in my personal life, I do focus on the good. "oh my husband and I had a wonderful Christmas. We got to spend some much needed time together." "My son couldn't join us, he is off doing his own thing right now". This also reminds me that I need to focus on the good things in my life, and not be always preoccupied with my son's drama that he created for himself.
  6. Tired Mom

    Tired Mom Member

    Sorry for taking so long to thank people for their responses. I haven't been on here much lately. We did establish that the powder was the workout powder which I guess is good. I have been super busy at work since coming back from the break and I wasn't really questioned about my break. The conversation with difficult child didn't go the way I thought it would. Husband pretty much talked and neither myself nor difficult child could really get a word in edgewise. I don't really want to argue with my husband but if I had to guess the only part difficult child heard was when dear husband said you should consider having a beer rather than hard liquor if you are going to drink. I was thinking no no no difficult child is an addict he is better off not drinking at all. I had suspected that he was drinking before work and I think he may have at least temporarily stopped. Before the talk he had started leaving at 9am to "get to work by 11 because it is easier". It is a 15 minute drive to work. Even he needs to get gas or a snack he doesn't need two hours to drive to work. Since we had the talk he went back to leaving around 10:40. He also went back to working six days a week instead of 5 and stopped disappearing on Sundays for several hours "to go to the mall." I don't know if it is related but the last few weeks were the first weeks where he paid us rent without us asking and he did pick up the pace on his working out. Maybe he had a relapse and self corrected at least temporarily? I don't know. One day at a time.