Hey, Old Timers...Remember EF and the girlfriend ?

[DDD]

What was it four or five years ago? easy child/difficult child "fell" for a girl that his EF had dated. EF set easy child/difficult child up so that some other girls
left visible hickies on him...and...EF got the girl.

EF is in jail for at least six months. He and "the girl" have two little kids that "the girl" is raising with-o support. She is
a hardworking, goodlooking, bright alcoholic who makes great bucks waitressing/barmaiding.

Why am I posting???

At 5 AM I spoke to easy child/difficult child who was drunk and offered him a safe
ride home. He was agreeable. When I asked where he was, he said
just drive down X street and I'll be walking there. I drove X
street three times and then drove Y and Z before returning to X
where I heard him holler "Wait Up, Mama".

He had been with "the girl". :ill:

:coffee: I chugged coffee until around 7 because I just could
NOT believe that we are back where we were those years ago. Ugh!

He is not well enough to get kicked out yet but honestly...I am
eager to see him anywhere but here. husband and I are trying to piece
together an option for him that we can support.

I think he is another Ant........it's like regurgitating life with no progress. :smile: DDD

 

[Stella Johnson]

Oh boy... :smile: I am at a loss for a suggestion for a plan. Hopefully it was a one night stand. :nonono:

Steph

 

[Sunlight]

oh so ant is a role model now...LOL
ant you chugged coffee not cutty??? hmmm
ant has called three times today. I see it is him on caller ID. I am not biting.

 

[Ephchap]

OMG, DDD. I'm sooooo sorry. I'm sure your heart sank. Ughhhh.

Sending you mega hugs,
Deb

 

[Sunlight]

PS an idea....

while he is sleeping give him a vasectomy. I am sure you can learn how to do it online. :wink:

 

[SunnyFlorida]

:smile: ok you Lorena Bobbitt fans...if you figure out how to do this without a difficult child noticing let me know....cuz I'm with ya!

Revisiting the same road is NOT....in the plan. Do not set a precendence here....I think I'll send some {{{sunny voodoo}}} maybe that will shake things up :hypnosis:

On the other hand...thinking of you all and shakin' my head.

 

[DDD]

Now...she is calling three times a day and easy child/difficult child is avoiding the calls. Finally he spoke to her and told her "look you and I
were both drunk and I don't remember what I said or what you said
either...it had NO meaning!"

Whoa! Harsh. :rolleyes:

Unfortunately, he may be Billy Bad But to the world but he will
not hurt her feelings by avoiding her..I know it! Bummer. DDD

 

[everywoman]

"He is not well enough to get kicked out yet but honestly...I am
eager to see him anywhere but here. husband and I are trying to piece
together an option for him that we can support.

I think he is another Ant........it's like regurgitating life with no progress."


I feel the very same way 3D. It's as if they know there are other choices out there, but refuse to look into them. I told difficult child today that I thought NA/AA may be a good idea. He said he will go to a meeting tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath....if he does good, if not, it is his choice.

I hadn't posted about his latest "minor in possession of alcohol" charge because it seems so same old, same old. He sees his PO this week....he will have to face the consequences!

 

[KFld]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ant'smom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">PS an idea....

while he is sleeping give him a vasectomy. I am sure you can learn how to do it online. :wink: </div></div>

When you find that site, could you send me the link. LMAO

 

[Sunlight]

K-it is so easy, you just make a few snips, pull out the part that looks like spaghetti,cut, tie in a knot and shove it back in there. a few stitches with a darning needle and you are done! so simple!

 

[KFld]

Hmmmm, maybe I'll invite my difficult child to spend the night soon!!! I think I could handle all that.

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">He is not well enough to get kicked out yet but honestly...I am
eager to see him anywhere but here. </div></div>

Is he making any progress at all or is the alcohol soaking up any new brain cells? :hammer:

I can't recall if he gets disability- does he? How does he pay for his good times?

Would he qualify for special housing?

Your health and your husband's health, not to mention, your quality of life, have all suffered dramatically. Do you know at what point you will draw the line?

Hugs,
Suz

 

[DDD]

Suz, I am assuming that he is dealing. Truthfully it is just
impossible to identify which factors dominate. He has brain
damage that has resulted in short term memory loss (some old
memory missing too), he has cognitive issues, he has MAJOR impulse control issues, he still sleeps alot BUT...and this is a
major BUT...he walks, talks, laughs, etc. and is not disabled
enough to be "disabled". He is capable of doing jobs. He is not
capable of doing sophisticated ongoing career path planning. He
is not able to accept that he is no longer destined for great success.

Does that make sense just reading it??

He does not (or can not) sustain interest in any arena. He took
a complex computer course at the college and got A's in the work
he did BUT he didn't pick up on the fact that there were a bunch
of assignments that were due..and never done. So when he saw he
had a bunch of zeroes which offset the A's he quit the course and
said he would take it again next semester and get straight A's.
That semester started a few weeks ago. He decided that he had to
lose the extra weight and get in shape AND that he couldn't do it
at home with-o exercise equipment (which I am not going to buy). He
told me about a personal trainer who had just moved to town and
is located within walking distance of our house. I encouraged him to check it out. He checked it out and the guy wanted MEGA
bucks...I can't afford it. on the other hand, I talked to the P.T. and he
agreed to meet with easy child/difficult child once a week and "guide" him. Today
was the 4th week of 6 prepaid. He did not go today and got very
angry that I thought he should.

Yikes. As you can see I could go on and on and on. husband and I do
not believe he is capable of success at this point BUT we also
believe he is dealing and we are positive he is using/drinking
to excess. So...what to do? Like his CD Board name, lol, he
vacillates between being affectionate, caring, funny easy child and being
an addict who some days has a real attitude.

We're trying to find a solution somehow. All on his own he will
end up in jail again and he will be sent to prison if the local
Judge can do it. That's just fact. His whole "record" is based
on booze use, pot related issues. No violence. No dealing. No
disorderly conduct. Just plain addiction. He can be arrested
being near someone who is toking a joint and easy child/difficult child would not even know because he lost his sense of smell with the surgery.

It's a horrible situation to be in. Thanks for caring. DDD

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Excuse me for being dense, but what/who is "EF"?

At any rate, sorry to hear about the incident that prompted your post. Wishing you strength and wisdom.

 

[DDD]

EF stands for easy child/difficult child's "Evil Friend". That's the kid who influenced my then easy child to join the difficult child world. Yikes! DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

DDD...are you completely sure he cannot get disability? Im not too sure he cant. While he may be able to do something for a short time, he cant be with it enough to work full time or even part time with any certainty. Would his docs back him for disability? I would think so. The head injury alone would be a shoe in.

If you could get that then you could get him in his own place.

 

[DDD]

He has to agree to go to the voc/rehab program. He has agreed.
He has decided he doesn't need the blankin' program. He has asked if they will give him money. He has said "some day" he will go.

It's ugly when you have a GAM (Grown Booty Man) and not a kid!
DDD