Lovemysons, I'm so sorry. My son also has bipolar disorder. I do not. I try but do not relate in that way to my son, and his father was so overwhelmed with misplaced guilt from him passing on the Bipolar gene that he could not calm himself down enough to relate to my son, my son triggered him. These days my son believes we chose our challenges prior to birth, you know those strange to us insights they verbalize. From what I've read of you with your son, he had the great gift of someone who related to him and was there to support him. If my son is right. your loving motherly relationship with your son has helped him to move forward with his challenges. I don't feel I can every say I believe my son has it right, none of us can, but if we believe in life after death it kind of makes some sense.
I am so very sorry. God didn't want him living the hard life anymore and wanted him home where He knew you and your husband knew your son would always not only be safe, but will be finally happy.....always....
LMS, I am very sorry for your loss and join the others in lifting you with comfort and hope. Thank you for sharing about your son and his children. His life’s purpose here is done. His spirit lives on. Take care, dear.
I just saw this. I am so very sorry. He was such a neat person in so many ways. He truly did find so much about weather to be beautiful. I am so sorry that you are hurting this way and that your family is hurting this way. I am here if you need to reach out. (((((hugs))))) to your entire family.
Thank you so much all of you for your heartfelt condolences.
The funeral is this Saturday and I am missing our J terribly. I drove to the casino tonight by myself…we live 12 minutes away. I played a little but all I could think about were things he said to me in the last few times we talked. How excited he was to be coming home and seeing his kids be with our family for Christmas. How he would buy his children presents and how he and I would run up to the casino together.
Before I left for the Casino, my dear husband and I talked about what he would say at the funeral when he gets up to speak…he is in the process of writing it down as I have already written what I will say. His sister may stand up and speak too.
I am sorely disappointed that my other son who I am not that close to these days will not be at the funeral. Something about a first gymnastics competition of the season for his daughter. Sorry excuse in my book. I am sure he will have regrets at some point. My sons are nothing alike except for drug/alcohol abuse in both of their lives. Though oldest has been sober now for several years and is a quite successful business man. Our J only had his heart…but it was always enough for me.
Another thing we have dealt with over the past week and half is our sons estranged wife of nearly 7 years. She dumped our son for 2 other men and had 2 more children along the way. Now, because she is next of kin, (our son and she were never divorced) she made it clear to both my husband and I that she would make all final decisions with the funeral home and service…she even texted the funeral director at 2:30 in the morning and threatened legal action if he spoke to us again without her permission. Though she now says she never said that, All the while my husband and I are paying for everything. She is now the poor distraught grieving widow. I feel so bad for our grandchildren as their mother is such a mess likely due to her own continued Adderal or Meth abuse which she has struggled with in the past. She also got upset that a very dear young lady in California who was kind to our son along the way…helped him find a job once, a place to live, bought phones for him so he could call his children and me…well she called our J’s estranged wife to comfort her and wife got extremely angry about this and said she did not want to talk to that enabler!
This young lady is not an enabler…she is more like an angel that knew our J’s heart and his struggles and loved him anyway. She is flying into town and staying at our home this weekend. She will be at our J’s funeral.
My husband is furious at the estranged wife for her recent behavior and we don’t understand where this is coming from as she gave up on our J and clearly moved on years ago.
So lots of feelings from many people around me right now. I want what our J would want…love.
Hi Copa and all…it was a very emotional weekend to say the least.
First J’s older brother did not want to come to the funeral which made me very upset. Here is what he said to me through text…
I’m sorry for the loss of J.
Im sorry for his choices.
Im sorry he hurt his children and y’all.
Im sorry he never took advantage of any chances to change his life.”
I said, but you loved your brother.
It didn’t make a difference. He didn’t show up for the funeral.
The funeral was at 3pm on Saturday afternoon. It was in the 50’s here but bright and sunny.
There had to be at least 50 people in attendance. Many old faces that knew our J growing up…friends and family.
Our Pastor and his wife drove 3 hours to be at the service and speak.
He spoke about our J in this life and also his new life now in heaven with
J‘s youngest daughter who is 9 gave her eulogy first. I couldn’t understand her well but my dear husband tells me it was about how much she will miss her daddy…his hugs and kisses his silliness and fun times they had.
I spoke next…
Here is what I said,
“J was born on a Sunday morning in Wiesbaden Germany while his daddy was in the Army.
His first word was “fooba” for Football…which we often had on our TV.
J was my sleepy baby and would even crawl up into his own crib to put himself to sleep when he was tired.
J loved playing with his brother and sister and neighborhood children. He loved our pets too.
When J was around 5 years old he began to take art classes…he was SO creative! As he got older he enjoyed playing with Lego…and you could often find he and I on the living room floor building something new and putting it up for display in our living room.
J played soccer baseball and football. His daddy even coached him for several years. On the weekends our family often went dirt bike riding. We all had a lot of fun!
We took many trips together as a family to Colorado. J loved the mountains! He also really enjoyed skiing.
As J got older he began to be a more intense passionate person. He loved writing. Expressing himself through words was very important to him and I have many special writings from him to comfort me now.
J also had an obsession with the weather and could read weather models from all over the world. He got very excited about storms and snow blizzards!
J loved becoming a daddy…and so enjoyed his children…his children were his proudest achievement always…so important to him and never far from his thoughts. J also loved the Lord our G-d and Savior. He wrote long texts about his love for Jesus Christ.
J will live in our hearts forever and with the hope that lies within us through our Lord Jesus Christ we WILL see J again. We will miss him deeply until it is our turn. J had such a beautiful heart.“
But it was dear husband’s eulogy that brought all to tears…
Here is what he said,
“When I was sitting in the funeral home, the question came up…“How many people will be attending the service?” I said, not too many…it will likely be small. But in his death as in his life, J has taught me so much!
He taught me that you don’t have to get inside “The Box” to touch people’s lives. As is evidenced by you all here today.
He taught me that Time is something we never get enough of but we are all given This Moment (this moment) to live in! J experienced as much life as possible in the moments he was given.
He taught me about patience! When I was a young man I prayed for patience and the Lord gave me J.
He taught me about creativity, the Lord knew I had to be creative to be his advocate.
J was funny and smart as a whip.
He taught himself how to read meteorology charts. At any time he could tell you what the European Model said and of course that had to be compared with the North American Model…and on he would go. He would get excited about extreme weather and occasionally he chased a storm or two.
J was also plagued throughout his life by the demons of mental illness and addiction! Due to this plague J was of 2 minds!!! He had his best mind when he had successfully fought off the demons for that moment and he had his bi-polar/addicted mind when the demons had prevailed. J came by this naturally these demons have attacked our family for years.
My mother died at 56 from excessive alcohol use literally she drank herself to death. My wife’s father passed away at a young age as well in conjunction with addiction. My wife and I both have battled addiction and Bi-polar has reared its ugly head on both sides of the family.
Let this be a cautionary tale!
Please understand 2 things:
The Lord has taken J home. I can imagine The Lord shaking his head and saying, “Enough, bring him home!” J has no more pain. He is absent from the body and present with the Lord. J is of his best mind, no more battle. I look forward to the sound of the trumpet and the time that I will see him again. Believe me, I have some words for him!
Secondly and more importantly for those of us left here:
These demons Addiction, Mental Illness, and many others by many names, lay in wait Seeking those they can devour. Don’t let that be you. Keep your guard up.
J loved his children and I know that he will miss being here as you grow up. No one can replace J as your dad.
On my return to work, several of the guys at work knew J from years gone by. One of the guys was talking and and said, “they had been telling J stories.” I recommend all of you tell J stories, it is good for the heart.
And with that said I have a quick J story…
The last time I talked to J, he was under attack and struggling as was often the case toward the end. I said, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” He said, “I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.” He continued “you prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the house of the Lord. Forever!” I said, Believe in His promises, he said “Amen.”
We got off the phone.
Clearly I loved J and I will miss him until the Lord takes me home.
Oh LoveMySons, both your eulogies have brought tears to my eyes. Your J obviously inherited his way with words from your husband, who spoke so eloquently, and also from you, who always express yourself so directly in touch with feelings. I feel devastated by your loss, and pray that you will both find comfort in the good memories you have of him. He was an exceptional person.