i so appreciate all your responses,, our eldest is on medications,, i still think he is off the wall,,lol but he feels the effects and is wise enough to recognise when he is out of whack,, our younger who years ago was diagnosed with odd as well as her other things,, is really where we are stymied,, there are few doctors here --and no choice,, our pediatrician says that odd is a garbage diagnosis and refuses to recognise it,, so no--medications,,she is quite sedentary and over weight,of course has few friends,,and isnt really nice to those who claim to be ,,and downright mean to us at home,she also tells stories,, lies if yu will i choose to call them confabulations,,she has one friend who comes here and is frightened of all of us,,she has told so many untruths,,we are now of course going thru the boy thing,, incapable of getting safety,, just now the boy--is slightly more challenged than she,, and lives in the next town,, they are totally at our mercies,, his parents and us,,which is a very good thing,,and i find her mean to him to,,,i think she has to be in control of something so ,, she does what she can,,in this town also they do not even seem to realize the notion of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS),, ok i guess i have rattled on enough for now,,,again thanks