Horrible Weekend

[Stacy G.]

Hi. I'm new to the forum, made my first post last week but can't remember which forum I put it in. Can people do a search to find their posts?

I need to get this off my chest & from reading this board constantly this past week I know y'all will understand. It's hard when your surrounded by people that are not going through the same thing as you & have mostly easy child's. :crazy:

So here goes. I'm actually pasting / editing this from an email that I sent our juvenile program coordinator hopefully it will make sense to y'all.

When Adam failed his second drug test I was at a loss. I told husband that I was tired, tired of feeling like I was doing all of the discipline, tired of feeling like I was battling him & Adam on this. I told him I was done, that Adam's discipline was solely on him from now on because apparently what I had been doing in the past was not working. husband wasn't too happy about that, he said that we were supposed to be on the same level on this, we have not been up to this point why start now? Probably was not the smartest thing for me to do but I was spent.

Well, husband kept Adam on restriction for about a week, he let him off this past weekend. I didn't agree but I didn't say anything because I wanted to see how this panned out. Big mistake. Adam went outside on Friday & came home at his curfew which was 8pm. Saturday Kayla had opening day for softball & had 3 games that day, 2 in the morning 1 at 8pm. husband did not make Adam go, he was out 'playing' with his friends. When we were at Kayla's night game we waited on Adam to call us to tell us he was at home, he did not. At around 8:30 we started getting nervous & started calling his friends that we had numbers for on our cell, no one had seen him since 1pm. We got home at 9:30 & he still wasn't here, I started freaking. I got on the phone & just went down the caller ID list calling anyone that might have seen him, husband drove around the neighborhood 4 or 5 times looking for him. At 11pm he still had not shown up, I was beside myself. We decided to go up to the local skate park & see if he was there before we called the police. I told husband that he was either hurt or stoned because as much trouble as Adam has given us over the years he has always been good about checking in with us & has never been over 10-15 minutes late on his curfew. We were driving up our road & see him walking toward the house. I knew immediately that he was high because instead of getting in on husband's side of the truck, which was the side he was on, he walked over to get in on my side. He got in the truck & I started in on him. "What are you on Adam? What have you been taking / smoking?" He denied that he was on anything. We got home & I made him stop in the kitchen & look at me, his eyes were bloodshot. I kept asking him what he was on & he kept denying he had done anything. He was not Adam, he was being very calm & kept apologizing to me. Adam does not apologize. "I'm not on nothing Mama, I'm sorry Mama". ???? I told him we would stand there all night if we had to but he was going to tell me the truth.

We stood there going back & forth for about 5 minutes until he said he wanted to sit down. He started walking toward the table & right before he got to it he fell. Hard. I tried to grab his arm but couldn't hold on to him, he hit the ground. Of course I started yelling & husband came from ?? & picked him up. I'm not really sure where husband was, he might have been in the kitchen the whole time with us, I just don't remember. When I looked at Adam on the floor the look on his face is an image I will never get out of my head. His eyes had rolled back & he was just smiling. In the few seconds he was on the floor thoughts were running through my head; he's having a seizure, he's slipping into a coma, I didn't know. I thought he had OD'd on something or had a bad reaction, I was scared to death. I told husband to get him & put him in the car, we were going to the hospital. husband knew better than to argue with me because at this point I was crazy woman.

So we took Adam to the ER. It took them a while to see him, he started coming down off of his high at around 2am. I told them what happened & they tested him for drugs, they said they tested for alcohol, illegal drugs & prescription drugs. The only thing that showed up was pot. I was a little shocked, given the way he was acting & the fall I just knew he had done something else besides pot. We left the ER at 5am, Adam was hungry. Tough!

So he's on restriction again & according to husband (now) he does not see a time for him to get off. husband & I actually went to talk to the 2 boys' parents that Adam was with on Saturday (when we talked to them they lied & said they had not seen Adam) husband told them that their son's are not allowed down at our house & if Adam ever shows up there that they are to send him home or call the police. We STRONGLY suspect that Adam is getting the pot from one of the boys mom, I've got her address & tag number & will be giving that to the PO on Friday to see if there is anything that can be done. Right now husband is doing what he's supposed to do as head of the household, seeing Adam like he was Saturday night scared him quite a bit. I pray that he will stick to his guns.

I am at a loss. Adam knows he has another drug test coming up & that he could go to juvenile, he apparently doesn't care. I cannot continue like this, worrying every time he walks out the door if he's going to be ok, if he's going to get into trouble, if he's going to be safe. I called our insurance yesterday & asked them for psychiatrists in our area, the closest one they came up with is about 50 miles from our house. We live about 15 miles from a big hospital, surely there has to be one closer. Any tips on finding one?

I'm sorry this has turned into a book, I guess I just needed to get it out. Thank you again for your help.

 

[Loris]

Oh, boy. been there done that. Mine is 17 and he didn't care, either. He is now in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), he gave us no choice. I would call the hospital and ask if they know of any. Most will be able to help. I hope you find help, the older they are, the harder it gets.

 

[CAmom]

Stacy, I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through.

I know EXACTLY how you must feel because my husband and I have been through a very similar situation with our son. I must say, however, that, although my son was heavily into pot, he never had the severe reaction your son did. I would be very concerned as to whether alcohol or some other substance might be involved?

I'm sure all the "pros" on the board, who continue to provide me with much-needed help in dealing with the ongong issues my son, my husband, and I are dealing with on a day-to-day basis, will be responding to you shortly.

One of them advised another new member to go back and read my story. If you choose to do so, you will find that your story is similar to mine in many ways.

In the meantime, my advice, as someone who is relatively new to these boards, is for you to read and carefully consider what the pros have to say---they've been there and done that--felt the anguish and pain you're going through---but STILL are here for others, even though it MUST cause them pain to "re-live" the experiences their own children and they, themselves, have gone through. I know it does me...

 

[Ephchap]

Stacy,

First of all, welcome. I'm glad you found this board, though I'm sorry too - as that means that things aren't going well.

Your first question about finding your posts ... I did search and you had previously posted on our general forum. I just clicked on your name on the side where your post is and it gives you a drop down menu - I clicked on read user's posts and your current posts are listed. You're certainly welcome to post anywhere you feel most comfortable, but I do think you'll find that the parents here in the Teens and Sub Abuse Forum have been through much of what you describe, and are a very supportive group. No, we're definitely not pros. We are all parents, like you, whose child has turned to drugs. Some of us have success stories; some don't. Some are still living through it; some are just beginning this journey. We're all here to help hold each other up and to guide each other towards trying to help our children.

As for finding a psychiatrist close to you, I would check with your pediatrition, family doctor, or call the hospital near you and ask if they have recommendations. Call the nearest psychiatric hospital and ask for recommendations. Sometimes people have received recommendations through the counselor at school. Perhaps call your state or county MHMR agency and ask.

My son was a year younger than your son when the pot use began. It was a very long journey, but I'm happy to say that my son did turn things around. Unfortunately, he never finished high school, though he did get his GED. He also has a felony on his adult record from just after his 17th birthday when he was drugging (Michigan considers 17 year olds adults).

Everyone has to do what they feel is best for them and their family. Some feel that you cannot force treatment. Although I agree that the person has to be ready to make change, when they are still minors, I whole heartedly recommend doing anything possible to get your son help.

In our community, there is a substance abuse outpatient center that specializes in teen drug use, sponsored by United Way. Some psychiatric hospitals might be able to recommend programs. The state or county MHMR agency might be able to recommend programs.

In our son's case, we did try those things first. We eventually had him admitted against his will to a psychiatric hospital, and from there he was transferred to an inpatient substance abuse residential treatment facility. We had no choice, as the drugs were totally consuming our son's life.

Does your son have a probation officer that he talks with? Is he in any kind of substance abuse therapy? Is he attending school, or is the drug use getting in the way?

One of the biggest lessons my husband and I learned along the way is that you both have to be on the same page. Either you agree that drugs will not be tolerated and be willing to push the envelope (whether it be for treatment or arrest or whatever) or exactly what you will both agree on.

I'm not sure what else to suggest at this point, other than get him into counseling and perhaps write up a contract that you, your husband and your son will all sign. Make it very cut and dry. If he tests positive for drugs, the consequence will be "x". Only you and your husband can decide what that is.

Again, welcome and I'm sorry you're in this boat with us. Substance abuse affects the user and the entire family.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[KFld]

Welcome to the board. You have come to a great place!

Your son is still young enough to hopefully turn around before getting into anything more serious then pot. Is he on probation? Is this why he is being drug tested? If so, then talk to his po and ask him what you can do as far as getting him treatment.

The most important thing is for you and your husband to be on the same page. You need to discuss every consequence and decision before presenting it to your son, or he will learn to play one again the other and that isn't a good thing for a difficult child.

I know how hard this is as I have been there done that. My 20 year old son is a recovering heroin addict. He started with pot and I always thought he would never move onto anything worse so I kind of ignored it and believed he would grow out of it. He didn't, obviously.

 

[Mikey]

Hi Stacy. Sorry to say it, but like the other parents, been there done that. Only difference is that so far, all of my difficult child "events" haven't involved the law. Dont' know if that's good or bad....

I wanted to say something about your son's reaction. Pot is not Pot, if you know what I mean. There's different kinds, with different strengths. When my son was desparate and broke, he would by "ditchweed", which is really poor quality and more like smoking a loaded cigarette than anything else.

But one night, he and his friend came over to sleep. I already knew they were stoned because he'd told me they were - and I didn't want him sleeping it off in someone elses house. Anyway, he and friend came over, and I had never seen my son in that kind of shape. Put him in the basement, could barely make it down (or up) the stairs. Running into walls, etc. I thought for sure that he'd done something else.

Turns out that he'd had a good day of tips at work, and had pitched in with his friend to buy some "good stuff" call "hydro". Don't know for sure, but I think it's hydroponically grown pot known for extremely high THC content. Drug test next day confirmed nothing but pot, so I guess he was telling the truth.

But that was the day I stopped soothing my fears by saying "well, it's only pot - it could be something worse....".

Sorry I don't have anything better to tell you, but you've come to the right place for support. Keep posting - we'll be here.

Mikey

 

[DDD]

Sorry I don't have much time right now. I "think" I greeted you
on General and suggested coming over here but I'm not sure.

Our teen difficult children cause so much anxiety and fear that it is impossible to forget them for more than an hour or two when they
go out. I just thought I would add something that I don't think
I have pointed out to other newbies. Once your child is home and
safely in bed do NOT relax and catch up on your zzzz's unless you're sure he is not stoned or drunk.

My easy child/difficult child will get up and go out again if a "friend" knocks on
his window OR calls on his cell OR whatever. I sleep on the sofa
on those nights where I am most apt to hear the door. When he
is drunk or really stoned (especially after the brain surgery, of
course) he is not capable of judging what is safe and what is not
safe.

Sending hugs. DDD

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

My daughter has had seizures from time to time, I guess about five different episodes in 12 years, that look very much like your son's attack, with the eyes rolling back and her going down like a sack of potatoes. The first time the doctors at the ER said they thought it was a "provoked seizure", meaning brought on by drug use, purging (she is bulimic; probably not a factor with your son), and lack of sleep.

Another thought, and I may be way off base here, but did the ER people consider whether he might have tried huffing something, or if he smoked pot and it had been contaminated with something other than what they tested for? I'm out of my league here but maybe chemicals would not be picked up by the usual drug tests, and the very atypical behavior would also tend to make me think it was something other than the "usual" high.

Just thinking out loud, so to speak.

 

[Stacy G.]

Thanks y'all, I knew you guys would understand. I'm going to try to answer a few questions y'all asked me.

CAmom - I thought he had done something besides pot also, just found it hard to believe that he would have that reaction. When we confronted his friends & their parents one of them said something about him getting hold of his mom's (the one I suspect he's getting it from) Xanax (sp?), but I would think that would have shown up on the test? I would like to go back & read your story, I did a search for your posts but I'm not sure how to find it.

Ephchap - Thank you for all of your advice. I'm not sure what MHMR is though? I do understand that I cannot force Adam to get help but I also know that I will never stop trying, as hard as it may get. Adam is not 'formally' on probation but we talked to a probation supervisor last week when I filed the unruly child charges on him, we have another appointment tomorrow & I will make him tell her the events of this weekend, hopefully she will point us in the right direction. Oh, he also has an appointment for a drug & alcohol assesment on Monday. He does go to school, I take him & pick him up every day, he know's that not going to school in this house is NOT an option. husband & I have been on the same page this week, I pray that will continue. The biggest problem is that husband will give in & let Adam come & go as he pleases because he has been doing 'well'. Uh, of course he's been doing 'well', he's been on restriction! Hard to get into trouble when your being watched all day long. :crazy:

KFld - Adam is not on probation, we attended family counseling classes offered by our county & they are the ones that did the drug testing on him at our request.

Mikey - I keep trying to tell Adam that the 'pot' out there now is not the same 'pot' that was around 20 years ago. I just believe that with the Internet & the way things are these days that there is more information out there now & ways to make drugs much stronger than they once were.

DDD - I (unfortunately) agree, I fear there will be many nights of couch sleeping for me in the future. :frown:

HereWeGoAgain - I thought the same thing about the huffing & I wonder how they can actually test for EVERYTHING out there? I was talking to my boss today & she mentioned the over the counter drugs, I don't know if they tested for those. We found about 5 packs of the Citamin (sp? cold medications) a few months back & confronted him, he was high as a kite then. Swore he didn't like the way it made him feel & would never do anything like it again. :confused: Apparently he lied.

Given my siblings history of drug abuse I am not under any alusion that it's only pot. I know Adam & his personality & I have no doubt whatsoever that if we do not do something now that the pot will turn into something much worse. I pray that the PO can help us tomorrow. I got the name of a psychiatrist & will be calling them tomorrow.

Have to run, Adam has to be picked up from school. Alternative schools here do not provide transportation so every day I have to get up early & go to work, leave work to come home to pick him up & take him to school then go back to work & then go & pick him up from school. That puts an extra 80 miles a day on my car. Fun Fun. :smirk:

Thank you all for being there.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Hi and welcome. Sorry you have to be here, but we're a great group.

I remember feeling the way you are. I guess I'm an old warhorse now.

Pot can do different things to different people. Many times there are additives to either the plant or what they are smoking it in.

Another thing you might look for is empty cold medicine boxes or wrappers. "skittles", Triple C or cold medicines with dexomethorphan in them are cheap highs for kids. They take larger number of tablets and the combination Chlortrimetron which is an antihistamine makes them sleepy/drowsy and the dexomethorphan gives them a psychedelic high. Basically it "chemically restrains" them. (they take the tablets and sleep for hours on end). The drug tests do not pick this up, the kids can take it in school, they can buy the tablets at the grocery store.

Don't be afraid to search your difficult child's room, backpack, etc.

http://www.samhsa.gov

This website used to give addresses of treatment facilities. Their website has changed since I was last using it.