WW,
I think alot of it depends on the situation. For every incident, you are not going to react the same.
So, for instance, today I had an issue with Dylan. He was getting a little more agitated than I like on the Playstation. I gave him his only warning. "Dylan, that behavior is inappropriate. If you continue, the Playstation will be turned off". That's all I said, very flatly, very matter of factly. I walked by 3 minutes later, and he was freaking out, still. I walked up, turned off the PS2, and that was that. He fell to the floor, started crying. I calmly stated "when you are calm, we can talk" and left the room. He wasn't raging, just crying, when he used to rage (i.e. throwing stuff around the house), I had to restrain him. Then, I didn't speak either. I simply put him in the position I needed to so he was restrained, said nothing, and waited until he was calm. He knew the drill. He knows the drill now. These kids aren't stupid. He laid there, silent, for about 7 minutes. Got up, went outside for 5, came back in and was fine. LOL! He dropped a level, and that's that.
That's another thing we do now. I adopted the behavior mod charts from the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) Dylan is in, and use them for all 3 kids. Levels. There are 5 of them. I would go into huge detail here, but am gonna opt not to. If you'd like the "book" on them, haha, I will take the time to type it out for you, but PM me and ask me for it, so I don't waste time.
But the bottom line is, it works. Dylan moved out of a house of 12 "ODD", defiant, disrespectful, argumentative children, and these levels worked.
As far as any smart mouth stuff, I just drop levels now, too. But all disrespect has always suffered a consequence in some form.
I've learned the art of "flat affect". I say it once, and say nothing more. I'll go do dishes while there's a tantrum or some nonsense going on. I'll ignore everything.
And back to the levels, it's nice because everything is clearly marked for all the kids. So, for example, if I tell Brandon to do the dishes and he says "no, I don't feel like it", I say "level 4" (that's an automatic level drop) and say nothing else. It's funny, because he'll go do the dishes anyway, but a level 4 means he's lost his internet for 24 hours. Darn for him.
Takes alot of work. Won't lie to you. But over time, works like a charm.
J