Ive reread Recovering enablers article on detachment over and over but the guilt my son’d ex puts on me when i say no is enough to put me in a depression for days going over and over constantly if i was right to say no. Ive been in therapy myself for depersonalization(a type of dissassiciative anxiety disorder) which i know is a response to the stress they put me under, and antinxiety medications. This latest incident is because sometime ago my ex daughter in law’s phone was cut off due to non payment. I paid the bill as she has my 5 grandchildren and needs a phone for emergencies. After she got very angry as Ive supported my son in court in his visitation rights. She refused to pay me back saying its my fault she couldnt pay the phone because I helped her get the phone plan which was clearly unsuitable for her needs. Now she is moving and needs someone with a credit card to book the moving truck. I refused as I was burned once already for a $700 phone bill. Now she says im being childish because she wont be able to move her stuff or all the kids stuff. This is a small example and in itself isnt much but its part of an ongoing pattern of manipulation, guilt tripping, using the kids to obtain my help that has totallly consumed my life for 9 years. Ive come along way as there was a time I couldnt say no but damn she knows how to press my buttons and I end up with being totally unable to take pleasure in anything im doing because of the guilt she throws at me no matter how irrational I know that guilt is.