Hi there. I’ve been lurking around your forum for about a year now. I made my first little comment today. Baby steps….. You have helped me more than you know and I know now that I’m not alone. You’re all so open and honest about what we’re all going through. Ok, here goes. I’m a very private person, so other than my closest friend, no one knows what’s going on. My son, 34 y/o. I don’t know what’s wrong or why he is choosing this life. He lives out west - I’m east. 5 years since I’ve seen him. I’m afraid to visit. He has either been squatting, living on the street or couch surfing. He says it isn’t drugs, that it’s depression. I don’t buy it. He’s always had problems, issues. When he was younger, like 9 through about 14 y/o, we tried several therapists and psychiatrists. Some prescribed anti depressants, some did not. It wouldn’t matter, he wouldn’t take them. Last time I saw him, I flew him and his girlfriend out here for his half sister’s college graduation. What a disaster. All they did was sleep, couldn’t manage to be ready on time for anything. I put them in a hotel room and not one day later, it looked like a hurricane had been through it. My parents, his grandparents, were there also. I was embarrassed but kept my cool and tried to work around them. I don’t know……I’m so sad that he has such a difficult time. Nothing has ever been easy for him. He grew up with advantages. Not spoiled (well, maybe a little ) I was a single parent, worked hard, sometimes 2 jobs at a time - I told him that I would put him through college, just don’t waste my money. He never went. I should have pushed harder. He wouldn’t hear of going into the service either…."Oh No! 2 Years is sooo long!!” He left home at 19. Then out west probably 10 years ago. I used to send money when the electricity or water was shut off, a month of rent now and then and more than the occasional car payment. He could never manage to keep a job because he couldn’t get there on time. Over the years he lost his car to repossession, his license due to tickets. He never takes action to fix anything. I sent him 6k last October - He said “Mom, if I only had my driver’s license, I could get a job”. Well, shocker…..no license. Get’s evicted. It breaks my heart. He called this past Monday “I hurt my leg and I’m going to lose it if I don’t get to the ER. I need you to pay for an extended stay motel”. I didn't believe it, I had to hang up. He was crying and begging - it killed me but I know I have to stop enabling. I just keep seeing my beautiful baby boy. I feel so bad. His sister just got her MBA with honors. While she works a full time job!! How do two children with the same upbringing, end up sooo different?! So, I guess my question is - how to help if he won’t admit there’s an addiction? I want to search for resources in the city he’s in but I don’t know what resource! I paid his cell phone last week. He only calls when he needs something. When I don’t hear from him, I know things must be sort of ok. He can’t go to a shelter, he has a dog that he’s been carting around. Has had him a long time so I know it would be hard to give him up. I have zero answers to this and I hate that. How do you do it? How do you ‘disengage’ or fix it? I’m retired now, so the Mommy Bank is closed. Thank you so much.