I am so angry I could erupt!! :( :(

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mattsmom277, Feb 17, 2010.

  1. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    My S/O and I have been together 6 years. He's wonderful with my kids, he's got a kind heart, is patient, loves kids, has always wished he and I could have had a child (my tubes are tied). He so wishes for a chance to be with a woman, in love, having a child to parent with a spouse. i've spoken here years ago about his daughter. She is 15 now. The mother sadly is a major drinker and drug addict (drugs we know of: meth, cocaine, oxy's), she's a total nutjob. They broke up when his daughter was a infant, she was caught in bed with S/O's best friend while pregnant for their child. He stuck it out for the baby. When she was diagnosed as severely autistic, it was discovered that she had started her drug use during pregnancy. My s/o couldn't stomach her after that.

    He had regular contact with his daughter for the first several years, and continues to always pay support (even while unemployed) and would help his ex with above that amount if it was really for their daughter (and not drugs or bailing her out for bills when she spent her money on drugs etc). then for 8 years, she was in a drugged out abyss and cut all contact to my s/o.

    A year after s/o and i met, she called my house (he wasn't living with me either, it was weird). Out of the blue after 8 years. she carried on about her "burden" and exhaustion and how she shouldn't have to parent alone and s/o better "step up" "man up" "grow up" and take on half "the load" (as if the poor kid is a load of manure or something GrR). Now, s/o NEVER wanted to be shoved out his daughters life. So we sucked up her game playing for the greater good. We worked hard to help his daughter adapt to us, to my kids, and worked to where she could come spend weekends here. They live 3 hours away, we have no car. We managed anyhow. Even to where we'd pay his ex the gas to drive here and drop their daughter, then pay for her hotel and meals for a long weekend and her gas back home). then she disappeared again. dating a wealthy bar owner who supplied her cocaine. 6 months later, pops back up again. shows up to drop off their daughter completely loaded drunk at our door. we had several visits in a row with her drunk dropping off and drunk picking up (thank god she wasn't driving). Then she disappeared. each time, it was harder as their daughter got older, to help her get used to us again etc. We'd get over her rages, get her comfortable visiting again, poof, away goes the mom with her again.

    The last contact with his daughter was 3 years ago, Thanksgiving. Mother was stumbling drunk in my door, 7 hours late, on Thanksgiving day. My entire extended family was here, she was falling into them etc. It was horrible. After that visit, no contact AGAIN. About 6 months later she called all "frantic" and stressed, "need a break, i'm bringing her tonight". What?? We had a big family event that weekend. S/O said where ya been for 6 months? Again?? Explained we couldn't without notice, but the following weekend worked for us. We never heard from her again.

    2 years goes by. Almost exactly a year ago, he was on course for work in her area for 3 months. he was staying with his brother and sister in law. he tracked her down and asked to take his daughter each weekend to his brothers. it never happened. Once she set it up, then cancelled last minute. then the next weekend she said she wouldn't let their daughter go, but that SHE would come spend the weekend with my S/O! He was like, huh? NO. the next weekend, she said he could spend the weekend at HER house with their daughter AND her, but only if they resume a relationship because "their daughter needs mom and dad together in the same home as a family". He told her in no uncertain terms, wasnt' happening. that was the last we heard.

    Today, doorbell rings. There she is on my front step. I was stunned. i said he isn't here. She said can i come in. I said no. she was shocked. she said I've always come in. I said "S/O isnt here". She said so what, you've always been nice to me, we get along fine. I said "we did get along fine until I watched you break your daughters heart over and over and play destructive games with the love of my life". I then told her what time S/O would be home.

    She went into a meltdown on my step. How she didn't sign up for parenting alone, my S/O is a deadbeat if he doesn't "man up". I got a bit nasty. thankfully I didn't swear, name call or yell. But I lost the polite small talk. Told her to never ever tell me that s/o needs to "man up". That he's a wonderful man who loves his daughter and is an amazing father and step father. That she needs to grow up and do right for THEIR DAUGHTER. Told her to take her drugged out self off my front step and speak to S/O who HAS to deal with her dramatics but that i didnt' feel a need to.

    She turned on the tears. Went on about how she is so messed up. Has hurt s/o so much. how she loves him. (Excuse me??? loved him while pregnant with his child and being in bed in HIS house while high on cocaine and having intercourse with her drug dealer???) Anyhow, I told her to can it. That I dont' care what she thinks of S/O, or of herself. That what I do care about is not listening to her garbage, and that i do care about her daughter and hadn't heard a thing in her drama about feeling bad for hurting that girl.

    more of the same dramatics, true confessions time. She carried on more about her "burden". I did speak kindly for a moment. Told her I can't imagine the responsability that comes along with parenting such a special needs child and can only guess at how difficult it must be. i do actually feel huge compassion and understanding for the difficulties in that. Then I told her that if she thinks she is going to play on S/O's heart strings with tears, he was over her tears affecting him when the doctor implicated her cocaine abuse in respect to their daughters disabilites. That he was not going to sign up AGAIN for her ****. That I knew he would be more than happy to be supportive and coparent. but that no way he'd sign up for games again.

    She actually had the nerve to then tell me that she didn't want him to coparent. She wanted a place to safely drop their daughter when she needs a break every few months for a week or two. WHAT???

    I was beyond any words. So I just quietly told her I had nothing nice to say so the conversation should end. Told her again when S/O would arrive home. she honestly said to me "Well if I can't come in to wait, would you like to go out for a drink with me while I wait". OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a deep breath and said "He'll be home at 5:30". And shut the door in her face.

    I knew she'd be out there before S/O could get home, waiting in her car. So I took a taxi across the city to the sticks where the airport is, and his school campus. Found his class and had him grab his stuff and beg out to his professor. Waited 20 minutes for a taxi to drive all the way back to teh airport for us. filled in S/O. he cried. He knows this isn't a chance to be there for his daughter. It's a game played for her benefit to party when she wants, as always.

    We arrived home. He cried some more. he was writing a note to put on the door for her when she showed up. he planned to write a note saying to leave, call him next week when he has a chance to figure out what to say to her. Didn't get to it in time though> Turns out she was up the street watching the house (creepy!) and had seen us come in.

    So she's rang the doorbell about 10 times in the past hour. S/O had locked the door and told me that he can't cope with her. He has an exam tomorrow and is so upset, I know he can't possibly study. I hope his prof will put it off until Monday for him. He can't bring himself to talk to her. no good can come from it because she's not going to stop the game playing, and once and for all, he's too old and fed up to continue to let her put him and that poor kid in this position. it's extra sad because his daughter no longer remembers even spending time here, after a 3 year absence. She shows no recognition of the word "dad". (told to us via her family)

    His daughter may not even realize she's missing out on a awesome father, but we know that she is missing out. It's horrible to watch my S/O suffer over and over again. I wish I could have just rattled her and shook sense into her.

    Sorry for the length. i had to vent, erupt, whatever. I didnt' feel it fair to vent to S/O about my feelings on this issue, when this is HIS daughter, the pain is his, the loss of his daughter is his. :(

    its a shame for his ex too. Many people don't have an ex who "gets" what it means to coparent even while not in a romantic relationship anymore. She had every chance to have a involved father to be there for their daughter, and even to remain there for her, within a friendship setting despite their break up. She is truly a lost cause.

    PS. his ex's mother and father live on the same property in another house, and her sister and brother in law on the opposite side of the same property. They are very involved with S/O's daughter, so the only upside to anything in this story is that his duaghter is mostly protected from seeing her mother all messed up when she's drugging. it is a crying shame that she is around her mother though when she is on a drinking tear. thankfully it is mostly avoided by her parents taking over and her going out on her partying stint while this girl is safe with grandma etc.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. :( What a sad situation for your step daughter. Where was she when all of this was happening? Is it possible that she has or may be placed somewhere?
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Hi Witz. It is incredibly sad for her sake. so many things wrong in this entire situation.

    she isn't placed somewhere. Her mom would just drop her here if she was unable to cope anymore. L (beautiful step d's intial) was back in her town with her grandmother and grandfather, right next door to her house, along with her little brother)

    If we take his ex's addictions and place them aside (I don't respect her lack of efforts to try to beat them, but cant' judge really, so many people struggle), it is a real shame she can't just get over whatever it is that keeps her so jaded. She kind of reaches out. She admits exhaustion and needing support and help to parent a very difficult child. Especially with teen hormones, L is very violent now, and is quite large due to medication related weight gain. She has little ability to communicate and is so easily frustrated. Poor kid. i can imagine though that there is a very reasonable reason that S/O's ex wants and asks for help. But then she turns around and instead of hanging on the help openly offered to her, she simply takes the support as a chance to have a free babysitter to go party. Then when the parties over, she is home day in and day out without any support, and that has to be hard. I wish she'd realize that it is her daughters best interest to have regular consistent visits with her father. But it is also in her own best interests. There is alot to be said for consistent and regular breaks from being full time mom. to destress, relax, have some fun, have a social life, hobbies, catch up on sleep, pamper oneself and take care of her own emotional well being. She could have that, but rejects it even when she asks for it. I wish I could understand why on earth she'd do that. She's obviously struggling more and more to hold it all together. I guess I wish she'd realize she has allies here that are firmly in her daughters camp, and it would greatly improve both her and her daughters lives to accept those allies :(
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Still, she's really laying it on thick, isn't she? It's difficult to think that there is really anything that you could do for his daughter at this point, given that you weren't given the opportunity to build a relationship with her throughout her life.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    MM, I am so sorry for you, for your SO, and for his daughter. While I'd like to say you should take his daughter every chance you can, the reality is that the on again/off again relationship is probably more damaging that remaining out... How awful.

    I would love for Wee to have his bio dad, without us being the fill-in tie to his bio family. I would love for easy child 2 to have 4 wonderful parents. Just think where she would be if her mom could just talk to us. But some people just can't get past their own selfishness to see what it does to their child. I just can't see how someone can love someone, and then suddenly hate them so much they can't stomache the thougth of their child still caring about that person. At least my DEX still cares, even tho he's such a difficult child himself that he has no ability to show it in any appropriate way.

    Kudos to you for being the bigger person. Someday, when his daughter is an adult, maybe then there will be a chance to rebuild. For now, you can only do what you can do.

    Hugs and prayers for you all tonight.
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    You are right that it is instinct to take her for any visits we can. But it is so traumatizing to L. We have managed through it several times. It is so hard on L to acclimate to us all over again. After a few visits close together, she squeels with joy at arriving and cries when she has to leave. So she enjoys it and likes it here and feels safe, once she gets comfortable. After a few visits, she'll turn up for the next visit, launch out of the car, barrel up the walkway and nearly knock S/O over to hug him. But, its gotten harder as she has gotten older.

    Now, it appears she hasn't got memories, at least not that she demonstrates, of having that history with S/O or our home, at all. With her escalating violent behaviour and rages (destructive ones), i can't imagine putting her through this all over again. If we did, it would be because there was a firm court order with very specific terms for visits, and some assurance through court order that his ex MUST comply and stick to it. Otherwise if she disappears again off the radar, L will go through all that for nothing, and then be inconsolable for a period of time when she misses S/O and isn't able to see him.

    from a selfish standpoint, I love my S/O and for all his flaws, he is really a very unique guy and I'm lucky to have him. he seems to be getting even better with age (like fine wine lol). I hate seeing him hurt. he hurts when L is confused and scared coming back here after a long period of no contact. He hurts when he gets closely bonded again only to have the phone calls stop coming again etc.

    he has guilt. He said he feels ashamed that he doesn't like his ex. he feels ashamed that he doesn't have regular scheduled access. And he feels ashamed that he hasn't sued for full custody, giving his ex regular visits.

    So much pain. A good mans pain. And even worse, a child more vulnerable than most children, not having a father who is right there waiting to be her dad. :(
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think I caught all that. LOL!! It's ok- I've had a few threads like this myself. Anyway, I haven't read the repsonses so maybe this has already been addressed- but in my humble opinion, if there's any way at all to do it, I think he should file for custody. He could get CPS involved and if they are even half way competent, they should be whisking the daughter out of her bio's house. If I understood correctly, her extended family lives on same property as your family (??)) if that is so, it would work in his favor because the daughter could easily maintain a relationship with them and they could supervise visitation between the daughter and the bio. She's a louse of course and as a single mom myself, I'm really tired of getting stuck with the sterotype that "mothers" like like create for those of us that are decent single moms.

    And is he sure this is bioligically his child?
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You know...

    At 15, she's not lived 1/2 of her life, or even 1/3 or her life. She's still very much a child and has not even lived 1/4th of her life. If he were to sue now for full custody? With the condition her Mother is in? He would probably not only get full custody, but she'd have a stable home, no contact with her Mother until she proved herself fit which would be a bonus for the girl AND the Mom (and S/O in a way if you think about it, not to mention you), and for the rest of her life that girl would KNOW her Dad.

    Then there would be nothing for him to cry over. No regrets, over not trying to save her, having her, getting to know her, helping her. Eventually her grandparents are going to be too old to help raise her. If she needs to be placed? Dont' you think someone like you and S/O who have knowledge and resources would be better at that kind of thing than them? (just hypothetically speaking?) Or getting her some kind of financial assistance so she could function and have a place to live, medical coverage for the rest of her life?

    It seems to me that since her conception? Her life has been a series of unfortunate choices made FOR her, with sprinkles of niceness here and there from a Dad who wants to be there for her, but due to a crazy woman is forced out. He's wonderful, this we know. Maybe it's time his daughter knew it too. Maybe it's time that he stood up to S/O and said "I'm here for my daughter, you can suck eggs...I'm going to the magistrage, I'm petitioning for custody, you can get your mess straight, I'm going to tell them what you've done to her, and me for 15 years, and you can get well, while we give her opportunities without drama." In the mean time? I'd find an attorney, find out my parental rights...keep my information to myself until I knew what I COULD do legally- and then get everything in order...THEN I'd hit her with it. Right down to making a room for this kid. Until then? I'd bide my time, and stand my ground just like you did.

    And by the way? Brav-O girl. I'm proud of you. I was reading this and the whole time I was like -----YEAH...and YOU GO....and YEAH....huh....you hear her...??? Atta girl. ;) You weren't ugly, you were to the point....and then you took care of business. TCB baby! Way To Go.

    Now - finish it.

    You and S/O are awesome people. I told you all before THIS IS OUR YEAR! Make things happen for that little girl.....

    Hugs & Love
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Gosh, MM, it just breaks my heart.

    I assume getting custody is out of the question. And there's always the argument of how much one person can take on...She wouldn't be your only child or your only difficult child...sometimes I hate the shades of gray. I used to think it was all black and white...I've learned.

    difficult child 1's mom was like this. She'd find a boyfriend and be gone for months, ditch the boyfriend and crawl back to DEX. Til difficult child 1 was about 3. Over and over. It even occurred after DEX and I were married...and he'd go out cheating with her while I sat at home with their kid.

    They talked about getting back together, but difficult child 1 was their hangup. DEX wanted to leave him with me; she wanted him back (ironically, she hated me).

    A couple of times, when they weren't together and she wasn't clean, she called me and asked me to take her younger daughter. She'd cry the sob story about how she couldn't stay clean and her daughter was suffering, etc. It broke my heart, but I knew, just as soon as she was back on or off her high (whichever was prompting the call) she'd be yanking the daughter back, and where I was a step parent to difficult child 1, I was nothing to this girl...I'd have not a single leg to stand on. I wasn't attached to that child, but to this day, those phone calls still disturb me.

    Anyway, didn't mean to hijack your thread...just sending support.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending support. Chances are, with the cocaine during preg, the child has organic brain damage and cannot form long term memories. I agree with Star that SO needs to find out his legal rights (if he hasn't) and fight for them. She has a long life ahead and her mom will do this for as long as she can. Once daughter has whatever disability Canada provides Mom will take that $$ and use it for drugs, leaving the daughter out in the cold once she is an adult. Steps need to be taken to protect daughter from her and SO is problem the only one who can.

    Once he knows his legal rights he needs to talk to her parents to work things out for the daughter's best interests.

    I am so sorry for all of the pain. It is so senseless.

  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending hugs, MM. I'm proud of you for remaining calm and not completed being pulled into her BS. Hugs to all - what a sad story.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I really thought about what I wrote to you and S/O last night. The reality of everything rolled around in my head after I posted this and I just wanted to come back and say - all what I wrote is IF it's in your power to do so. I understand that taking on a child who is as damaged as she sounds is not going to be easy. Monumental actually,and probably impossible for her to ever live in a home environment, no matter HOW fantastic of a Dad and Step-Mom she would have.

    In retrospect? I think Susie* and Shari have valid points too. Find out what his rights are, and what could be done for his daughter. IF (big huge IF) you can do something for her at this point in YOUR lives without disrupting your home and your children? Then consider how it could go. I think sometimes we get so passionate about our kids, that we want to save all of them, the underdogs and the reality of it is? Sometimes it's just not possible, too much damage is done, too much time has passed.

    The point I would make in all of this I think your S/O already has stated, and given different circumstances with the Mother I believe he would have been there for his daughter. DF explained to me that it's NOT the Father's fault that the bio-mother is a whack job, and that she will play games over and over to the point where it gets so painful for him? He actually feels it's better for THE CHILD to walk away and not cause waves. This is what his x did to him.

    He would have been a wonderful Dad. He's a fantastic step-dad to Dude. Because he IS a good Step-father to Dude? His x wife does everything 28 years later to make his life as miserable as she can, and his daughter has an estranged relationship with him. Looking back however he said had he known then what he knows now? He would have fought her and her family tooth and nail for his rights. So take that advice for what it's worth.

    I hope you didn't feel I meant that S/O had to ride in on a white horse or I'd think less of him. Quite the opposite. I think he's a great guy in horrific circumstances with a whack job of his own to contend with. I'm not sure, or actually I'm positive I couldn't have been as kind and gracious with my mouth in describing her or her problems as you. So kudos to you for that. I have zero tolerance in my being left for adults who mess up childrens lives because of their choices with drugs. none.

    I just wanted to set that straight before you read the other post and thought...Gosh Star. I just hope someone is able to help S/O's daughter get the help she needs and get her set up with a stable place to live away from her drug-addled, drama queen womb-donor. She deserves that much anyway.

    Hugs & Love
  13. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Thank you all for taking time to wade through that long vent.

    Star, I totally got what you meant. But it was very kind of you to come back and post further to clarify what you meant. I knew it from the git go :)

    This is a horrible situation and a dilemma thats become greater over the past 6 years as L gets older, matures and has such a formed personality all her own, and more time passes without her having a routine that in any way includes S/O (or myself and the kids).

    There are so many factors. Here are some:
    - S/O, and I as well, want to just charge in guns blazing and scoop her up. We could win in court although there would be a delay while we adapted L to our environment etc.
    - Given that L's grandparents live on the same property, and on the opposite side is L's aunt and uncle, there is a level of stability and security that L has grown up with that is provided by these family members. Could they or would they want to have L on their own if proven that her mother was overwhelmed and could no longer parent? They would have very good grounds to pursue custody on their own. Given the lack of consistency in L and S/O's relationship, they would likely win and for good reason. They are good people. they love L and have been there every day for 15 years
    - Even though L's mother has some major problems, what effect would it have on L to suddenly be adapting to not having her mother every day? Could she eventually be okay with that? Her mom is her world for obvious reasons.
    - While S/O would be at work, how would I cope having MS flares, if L was physically violent? Could I keep myself and L safe? Could I keep easy child safe?
    - can S/O find a degree of peace if he tells his ex that he has to be done with this game entirely?

    those are a fraction of the things we talked about last night. He had me up until 5 a.m. talking. Gosh I feel so horrible for him.

    We've decided to do the following;

    S/O is writing 2 letters. one for his ex, and one for his ex's parents who live beside her.

    He is going to be polite but firm and honest about the effect of her actions on L and on him. he is goign to tell her that she is not to contact him unless and until she is prepared to get a immediate court date to outline firm and enforceable new visitation arrangments, agree to shared custody for things like education so he can talk to the teachers, medical to speak to L's doctors, and he wants a court order to state he can have a say in her medications, therapies, etc. He also is going to tell her that hte court order would need to have a police enforcement clause (only way a police officer can enforce a order since its a contract technically) and he wants it in there that if she messed with a access visit, the police can and will assist S/O in picking up L, and she would be in violation of the court order. He also wants her to include in the order that she cannot relocate further than a 30 minute distance more than she already lives from us. Other than her agreeing to all the above to ensure she can't play games, he is telling her that she is to have zero contact with him.

    The letter to her parents is to share with them why he's feeling the need to handle things this way. He wants them to know he is always available and ready to be a large part of L's life. He wants to tell them that they should not continue under an assumption that he doesn't love his daughter or isn't prepared to be a active father.

    None of this is feels right. None of the alternatives feel right. We went round and round on it all night :(
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think it would be a good idea for him to talk to an attny. My gut feeling is that what he's wanting will require filing for joint custody and I tend to doubt that any agreement the bio might be willing to sign will lead to the police doing anything without a court order- I'm trying to say that I think the only way to get a court order is to go to court and get a judge to issue it. But I'm not an attny so maybe he can get something in writing without that. Here, when a petition for custody or visitation is filed with the courts they automatically send the parties to mediation to work out an agreement, then the agreement gets signed by the judge which makes it a court order and legally enforcable.
  15. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Klmno, you are pretty dead on with how it works here. What he is saying to her in the letter, is that she has two choices. If she isn't prepared for proper coparenting, she is to stop contacting him as it does not serve L at all, and he can no longer play these twisted games. Alternatly, if she is prepared to coparent, he has requirements as outlined above. If she agreed to those terms, here in Canada if the parents consent to all issues, there is no need for attorneys or mediators. We can file the court papers ourselves (I've done it all through some doozy fights with my kids dads over the years). If she agreed, we would write it up on the proper forms and you just attach a special 'consent by both parties" form. If both parents sign the form, the requested court order is issued and signed by the judge as a final order, without requiring either parent to even appear in a court room. The "police assistance clause" is a technical wording that must be requested particularly to be added to the court order. Without that clause in the order, police cannot assist to ensure compliance of a court order. You could then only file for a appearance in court due to non compliance. But if you get the clause added, it is basically a court order TO the police, that dictates they must enforce the terms of the order if needed. It is a safety net really.

    The list of things he is telling her he would want in the court order are pretty standard for custody and visitation orders around here.

    With so many implications and possible serious problems, S/O has no inclination to pursue full custody and removal of L from her mother. He did say if the grandparents and sister didn't live on the same parcel of land in neighbouring houses to his ex, he would be working to figure out how to get L out of living with her mom, simply because of the drugs and alcohol. But with the extended family so involved and dedicated to L, he would probably not get far in court.

    He is feeling resigned to that she will probably just ignore his letter and disappear again for years. I think a tiny part of him is hanging on to hope that she will be desperate enough for help and for a break from parenting, that she might just agree to that court order. That would give him a way to hold her accountable to not disappear again. i don't know if I have any part of me that thinks "maybe she will'. Maybe I'm just jaded.

    If she somehow did agree to the court order and the terms, S/O and I will have our work cut out for us trying to ensure we don't send L into a worse emotional state by dragging her hours in the car each way to visit us, since she will be thinking we are total strangers. Cross that bridge if it comes i guess.

    I just still think this situation is needless and a real disgrace.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

  17. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    First of all, without me knowing the entire picture....don't assume L will relegate you to stranger status. A few years ago I ran into a woman and her daughter at the library. The daughter R, is Autistic, non-verbal and is at a level that she will never live on her own. R used to be in my friend's class years ago when my friend taught special needs. My friend also used to babysit R after school for a couple of hours. At that time, I had been at my friend's house a few times when R was there and had also been in my friend's class room a couple of times....usually for the special needs Easter Egg hunt the Jaycees would do. (Meaning that when I was in Jaycees and chaired the city wide egg hunt, we would do a small one at the school for the special needs students and I would coordinate it through my friend)

    Anyhoo....when I ran into R and her mom at the library, it had been at least 5 years since I had seen R. She had grown up so much I had to ask her mom if that was her and then I said hi to R. She, being non-verbal, didn't say anything but I got a smile of sorts from her and she lightly took my hand and walked in circles around me for a bit. I was really surprised that she remembered me considering the limited contact I had had with her. With you guys and L, there are more memories and more memorable memories. Don't count her memory out and don't necessarily believe what the other people tell you.

    No real advice on the rest of it but sending hugs and good vibes that it works out for the best.
  18. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I read this last night and was kind of speechless. I'm not surprised, unfortunately. I don't understand the kind of mentality that she exhibits, but I've seen this all too often. It's so sad for the child.