It was a week ago that I received a message, after over a year of no-contact from my daughter. The message consisted of a photo of a positive pregnancy test and the words, "You're gonna be a grandma!"
I posted here about it, and got lots of good feedback, and basically just sat on it. Waiting.... Not expecting much. Not reaching out to her...waiting for her to set the pace. Slow. Cautious.
Then on Tuesday this week, my ex-husband sends me an ultrasound picture. He had come to town to spend some time with her during her "crisis" (he lives a little over an hour away) and she had asked him to take her to the crisis pregnancy center. Yes, Care Net, the pro-life, evangelical Christian organization (which I admire and support very much). I texted her, and we planned to meet late in the afternoon, after she was done with a job interview that she had scheduled for that day. She was very adamant that she was going to keep her child, no matter what the maggot (her husband) said, and I told her that if she made an appointment at WIC that I would take the time off work to take her. Her father and stepmother had already told her that she and her child had a place to live with them, if the maggot made good on his threat of divorcing her if she kept the baby. She made an appointment at WIC for Friday (tomorrow) afternoon.
Anyway, I met her at Starbucks after her interview. It was good to see her. She looked absolutely gorgeous. She was glowing. She was dressed professionally, and it was so good to see her and spend time with her. She showed me all the pictures from the ultrasound, in that beautiful little folder with the little baby feet and the "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" card...my heart was swelling to overflowing. We took a beautiful selfie together, which I posted on FB and many of my friends liked and commented on...some who knew about the estrangement were so happy to see it.
After Starbucks we went to my house so I could feed my dogs, then we went to dinner (I offered to take her for dinner and then take her to a friend's house, since the maggot was being such a dick). She told me that she had intercepted facebook messages from his mother with instructions for herbal abortifacient recipes that he could slip to her. All through dinner the maggot was texting her incessantly...and the texts that I saw were to the effect of "You are such a liar, all you've done is lie-lie-lie, if you don't keep the appointment on Friday, we are separating...." and so much more drama-drama-drama that I don't have the energy to go into. Well, it turns out she has an appointment for an abortion tomorrow. She squeezed out a few tears and said she's afraid that if she goes through with the abortion that she'd let people down. I knew as soon as she said that (with the crocodile tears) that I'd been had.
I told her that whatever decision she makes, it has to be HER decision. And that she needs to think about whether she REALLY wants to be with a man (maggot) who would force her into this kind of decision against her will. I texted her early this afternoon, "How are you doing?" No response. But she's blithely posting on Facebook as though everything is normal. And yes, I watch her FB via a backdoor she doesn't know about, so shoot me.
I had arranged to take half the day off tomorrow to spend with her and take her to WIC. My Gawd, I'm such a fool. I'm such a gullible, stupid fool.
She's getting the abortion tomorrow. I have no doubt that this was all a nothing but a ruse. She dragged her father to the crisis pregnancy clinic for the ultrasound and pictures, in the hope that she could manipulate the maggot into the scenario she was trying to create...she has no regard for her father's feelings for his first grandchild...or my feelings...she has not changed at all. She is Borderline Personality Disordered. Classic. Textbook.
I'm such a fool. How could I have thought, even for an instant, that she could have changed? That having a child inside of her could have changed anything? I feel like such an idiot for allowing myself to be sucked into it, for letting myself become vulnerable, and letting my heart get broken apart yet again....when I KNOW BETTER.
Tomorrow she will be killing my first grandchild. After proudly showing me the photos. Photos where I could count his/her little fingers and toes...see his/her spine and every rib...daughter said the technician said it was one of the most active babies they'd ever seen, s/he was moving so much.
Daughter will probably never feel one moment of regret, except that it didn't have the effect on her relationship with the maggot that she intended it to.
And I've changed the FB selfie to private so only I can see it and I don't have to see anyone else like it or comment on it.