My 30 yo daughter got married 4 days ago. She had an elaborate wedding (we contributed some, but could not afford much). I designed and created all the centerpieces, packaged them, etc., went to all her dress fittings, helped her find the dress and did much damage control when she was stressed out about this or that. Reassured her, supported her, took care of details.
After the wedding, there was a general
session - she was complaining about the shuttle bus service, bus was late, driver was inept, etc. My sister chimed in with the fact that one of the hotels neglected to hand out the care packages that my daughter had prepared for out of town guests staying there. I had not reported any negatives to my daughter, simply reiterating that everything worked out for the best - the late driver resulted in late guests getting to the ceremony on time, etc.
However there was one thing that kind of upset me at the reception. I had asked daughter if it was ok if I requested a few songs from the dj. She said ok, so I emailed the dj a week before the wedding with a list of 8 meaningful songs. Music is important to me and I really looked forward to dancing to these songs, one of which was my husband and my wedding song. DJ immediately emailed back that he would work the songs throughout the evening.
3/4 through the reception, I had not heard one song. I went to the dj and asked and he said he couldn't get into his email and didn't remember what my songs were. I said oh, that's disappointing. A minute later, he called me back and showed me he had opened the email. I said great! The night went on and finally I heard one of my songs played. That was it. Just one song (not our wedding song by the way).
Now let me interject that I know this is my daughter's wedding, not mine. And I had no input (other than centerpieces). But anyway, again, the song requests were really the only thing that I had asked for and I was very sad that didn't work out.
After listening to my daughter talk about what didn't go exactly as planned and that she was going to email some of these vendors, at that point the next day I sent her a quick email telling her about the dj and that I was disappointed. Then I went to google the name of the dj service and saw a review site. So I though, ok - I'll do a quick review and wrote exactly what I wrote above - exactly what transpired. I gave him a one star because he was not apologetic in any way and bordered on rude to me as well.
The text messages from my daughter then came fast and furious --
"I had a great time and the last thing I need is people coming back to me telling me all the negative things that happened and why they didn't have fun to try to change my viewpoint."
Of course I had no intention of the above and immediately apologized to her and went back and removed the review. Then i found his facebook page and gave a 5 star review and since it was on my phone and I'm not an expert texter, I wrote a one word review - "Fabulous!"
Then she responds:
"Now I just feel like this is a jab at me. You just needed to delete the review you didn't have to go back and do a sarcastic comment when you clearly don't feel that way. Here I am still happy and excited from the weekend instantly crushed with a long email about something negative and then that notification of that review which just feels like you creating drama and trying to get at me. Sometimes it just feels like you like to create negativity. We wanted to come spend time wiht you this weekend but now I don't even feel like it.
I don't know why you couldn't just let me have my positive thoughts of the day without throwing in something to try to ruin it. You send me like a 5 page email (my note: it was about 2 paragraphs just explaining what happened as above) about how horrible it was. (my note: I only told her the dj story and NOT that I thought the whole wedding was horrible). I don't know how you would at any point figure that it would be a good idea 4 days after our wedding.
You really should think things through. If anything you should be trying to make sure anything negative DOESN'T get to me yet instead you're making sure it does." (my note: yes, I had done exactly that, praising everything and telling her that I had a wonderful time until I heard her complaining about some things she was planning to follow up on that were negative and I thought she really wanted to know about things like this so she could also follow up).
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So, after this I had to leave the house, went to a small park and felt like I had to talk to somebody, but I felt like I did such a terrible thing to her I was embarrassed to talk to a friend or sister thinking they would judge me for being so cruel. I was literally uncontrollably sobbing. I ended up calling a crisis hotline and the lady talked to me so I was able to calm down.
I admit I am a sensitive person and to be accused of this terrible treatment just killed me. I know there are two sides to every story, but I did support her so much through some real potential disasters regarding guests declining that she felt terrible about, in-law interference that she was stressing over; spent a lot of money we don't have, threw her a beautiful shower. Never once did she compliment my centerpieces. The only comment she had ever made was to tell me not to use the ones that I really was proud of as she didn't like them. (they were white roses in a white lace basket with some lavender tulle and small pearls).
Today I'm crying again and I feel our relationship cannot be mended since I am so hurt. I feel like she is way more concerned about the dj's feelings than her own mother's. I thought she would tell me she was sorry I didn't hear my songs and I didn't expect that she would complain to the dj, but I thought maybe she might side with me. The fact that she is so angry with me because of his feelings just adds to my hurt.
If I am wrong, please set me straight. I did apologize immediately without arguing about it, but she continued to accuse me of ruining her wedding. Maybe she will eventually forget this happened, but I never will.
After the wedding, there was a general
session - she was complaining about the shuttle bus service, bus was late, driver was inept, etc. My sister chimed in with the fact that one of the hotels neglected to hand out the care packages that my daughter had prepared for out of town guests staying there. I had not reported any negatives to my daughter, simply reiterating that everything worked out for the best - the late driver resulted in late guests getting to the ceremony on time, etc. However there was one thing that kind of upset me at the reception. I had asked daughter if it was ok if I requested a few songs from the dj. She said ok, so I emailed the dj a week before the wedding with a list of 8 meaningful songs. Music is important to me and I really looked forward to dancing to these songs, one of which was my husband and my wedding song. DJ immediately emailed back that he would work the songs throughout the evening.
3/4 through the reception, I had not heard one song. I went to the dj and asked and he said he couldn't get into his email and didn't remember what my songs were. I said oh, that's disappointing. A minute later, he called me back and showed me he had opened the email. I said great! The night went on and finally I heard one of my songs played. That was it. Just one song (not our wedding song by the way).
Now let me interject that I know this is my daughter's wedding, not mine. And I had no input (other than centerpieces). But anyway, again, the song requests were really the only thing that I had asked for and I was very sad that didn't work out.
After listening to my daughter talk about what didn't go exactly as planned and that she was going to email some of these vendors, at that point the next day I sent her a quick email telling her about the dj and that I was disappointed. Then I went to google the name of the dj service and saw a review site. So I though, ok - I'll do a quick review and wrote exactly what I wrote above - exactly what transpired. I gave him a one star because he was not apologetic in any way and bordered on rude to me as well.
The text messages from my daughter then came fast and furious --
"I had a great time and the last thing I need is people coming back to me telling me all the negative things that happened and why they didn't have fun to try to change my viewpoint."
Of course I had no intention of the above and immediately apologized to her and went back and removed the review. Then i found his facebook page and gave a 5 star review and since it was on my phone and I'm not an expert texter, I wrote a one word review - "Fabulous!"
Then she responds:
"Now I just feel like this is a jab at me. You just needed to delete the review you didn't have to go back and do a sarcastic comment when you clearly don't feel that way. Here I am still happy and excited from the weekend instantly crushed with a long email about something negative and then that notification of that review which just feels like you creating drama and trying to get at me. Sometimes it just feels like you like to create negativity. We wanted to come spend time wiht you this weekend but now I don't even feel like it.
I don't know why you couldn't just let me have my positive thoughts of the day without throwing in something to try to ruin it. You send me like a 5 page email (my note: it was about 2 paragraphs just explaining what happened as above) about how horrible it was. (my note: I only told her the dj story and NOT that I thought the whole wedding was horrible). I don't know how you would at any point figure that it would be a good idea 4 days after our wedding.
You really should think things through. If anything you should be trying to make sure anything negative DOESN'T get to me yet instead you're making sure it does." (my note: yes, I had done exactly that, praising everything and telling her that I had a wonderful time until I heard her complaining about some things she was planning to follow up on that were negative and I thought she really wanted to know about things like this so she could also follow up).
--------------
So, after this I had to leave the house, went to a small park and felt like I had to talk to somebody, but I felt like I did such a terrible thing to her I was embarrassed to talk to a friend or sister thinking they would judge me for being so cruel. I was literally uncontrollably sobbing. I ended up calling a crisis hotline and the lady talked to me so I was able to calm down.
I admit I am a sensitive person and to be accused of this terrible treatment just killed me. I know there are two sides to every story, but I did support her so much through some real potential disasters regarding guests declining that she felt terrible about, in-law interference that she was stressing over; spent a lot of money we don't have, threw her a beautiful shower. Never once did she compliment my centerpieces. The only comment she had ever made was to tell me not to use the ones that I really was proud of as she didn't like them. (they were white roses in a white lace basket with some lavender tulle and small pearls).
Today I'm crying again and I feel our relationship cannot be mended since I am so hurt. I feel like she is way more concerned about the dj's feelings than her own mother's. I thought she would tell me she was sorry I didn't hear my songs and I didn't expect that she would complain to the dj, but I thought maybe she might side with me. The fact that she is so angry with me because of his feelings just adds to my hurt.
If I am wrong, please set me straight. I did apologize immediately without arguing about it, but she continued to accuse me of ruining her wedding. Maybe she will eventually forget this happened, but I never will.
