I broke down..

[DazedandConfused]

for the first time in front of my difficult children. I've never done that. In the kitchen I just fell apart.It just all got to me. The events earlier this week, screaming, yelling, and being oppositional over every little thing. husband still out of town working.

This morning: Horrible.

Happy Mothers Day. Yeah, whatever...it s*cks.

Son screaming at the top of his lungs at me, Daughter, and whoever, because he wasn't getting what he wanted right when he wanted.

Daughter being a major PITA overreacting when things were not turning out her way.

The worst of it is when they went after each other. Awful names, hitting each other, screaming.

Over what?

Good grief! Who knows? They are at each others throats 90 percent of the time.

I feel so trapped.

I hate being a Mom. Yes, I said it, I HATE BEING A MOM.

 

[sameold sameold]

I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Is it possible to get out by yourself for awhile? Maybe a long slow walk. My husband is also away from home for long periods and when my sons were younger boy there were some long long days. I will send you some good thoughts. Take care of yourself.

 

[Loris]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I do understand. Hopefully when hubby gets home, you'll get a much deserved break from the stress of it all. We all hope for "our" day to feel special, but too often it goes like any other day. It does stink.

 

[DDD]

Sending hugs. DDD

PS: I have been a Mom since l960. Don't feel bad if you hate
it right now. Alot of it is just plain yucky!

 

[Kathy813]

Aww, Dazed, welcome to the club . . . the not so perfect mom's club. I imagine that we have many members here on the board.

Lost it, screamed and yelled . . . been there done that

Hated motherhood and wanted to run away . . .been there done that

Said things that I shouldn't have? Yup, that, too.

You've had a really rough week and it didn't help that your husband was gone and you had to handle things all on your own. No wonder you broke down.

It will get better, I promise. You'll even enjoy motherhood again (well, that one may take a little while).

On the bright side, children do grow up and motherhood becomes a lot easier!

Sending a BIG {{{{HUG}}}}

~Kathy

 

[hearts and roses]

{{{{dazedandconfused}}}

I have had more moments I can count when I hated being a mom.

Take some time [when you are able] to do something nice for yourself.

Hugs~

 

[Wiped Out]

Dazed-
Many hugs to you-I'm sorry it's been such a rough day and especially on Mother's Day-I hope you can do something nice for yourself tonight (and that the kids all fall asleep really early)!

 

[flutterbee]

Motherhood is such a thankless job. I hope you're feeling better.

 

[totoro]

Here's to you feeling better and getting a well deserved break! :smile:

 

[Alisonlg]

Oh sweetie! It's been one heck of a Mother's Day, hasn't it? And those plain ol' mothers think *they* have it bad? HA! Try being mom to a difficult child! Boy oh boy! We've got 'em beat hands down any day.

Sending out some big hugs your way, hun! Sounds like you certainly need them right now. And if a little "I know how you feel" helps, my husband left for work today and won't be back for a while and my difficult child is in meltdown city and ready to re-enter school for the first time since his psychiatric hospital dischage! HA! PLUS we have his in-take for his day program this week! Yippie! So, I'm also sending much compassion your way too. ::::HUGS::::

 

[FinnishPrincess]

Oh how I understand your frustrations and anger at this point. I know it's hard to believe but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even midway! I swear! I had a pretty rough mothers day too. I ended up walking out of work because I just couldn't handle it anymore. Of course, I had a backup take over the remainder of my shift so I didn't feel like being a traitor!

It's good to let all that stuff out. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to do that. Believe me, I have my own vents yet to get out.

Good for you!

Janet

 

[DazedandConfused]

Thank you all for your understanding, gentle words, and hugs. I'm so very grateful for you all and this website.

Things are better and all is quiet. I dropped off the difficult children at the water park in a neighboring city. I always buy them season passes every year and they come in handy to get them out of my hair. I didn't pick them up until just after the park closes at 6pm.

Then driving home, I called husband on his cell and ranted, raved, railed, and vented. Vented, railed, raved, and ranted. husband lent a very sympathic and understanding ear. He acknowledges that I am on the front lines with the difficult children and worries for my sanity of because of that. He specifically asked if I was reading and posting here because he knows how much this site has helped me.

When I got home, I had so much to do. Not much relaxing, but plenty of quiet in which to get things done. So, I had some time to collect myself and recharge my batteries a bit. Then I went to visit my own Mom and give her my Mother's day present to her. She also expressed her worry about me (geez, does it show that much??) and my mental health because of the difficult children. She loves them dearly, but knows what a struggle it is to raise them.

husband calls me and when I pick up he sweetly says, "I love you and have I told you how crazy I am about you?"

We'll be married 20 years on Thursday.

When he's home, he always makes sure to take the difficult children somewhere with him to give me some peace. He already has plans for Memorial day weekend for himself and the difficult children. He is also going to take Son with him for two weeks when school is out. With one difficult child gone, the other doesn't have someone to fight with and our house really quiets down.

I do feel much better now. The difficult children were well-behaved this evening. Daughter didn't even put up a fight when it was time to get off the computer.

Like Scarlett Ohara says, "Tomorrow is another day"

 

[CCRidr2]

Whew! I thought it was just me that had the self pity, can't I have a day to myself, I WANT OUT! day. I finally figured it out...we all wanted a perfect day in our imperfect lives and then we are surprised and hurt when it didn't happen (me included)! DUH!! :hammer:

My husband worked all day and anytime I went outside the perfect neighbors and their perfect kids were doing some perfect activity on their perfect lawn.....at least this is how I saw it. While I was inside cooking the breakfast that easy child's 1&2 were supposed to make me after being woke up at 630 am by husband because he couldn't find his drivers license. Then difficult child spilled my cup of coffee all over my bedroom floor while trying to get something. They finally offered me lunch at about 3 and cooking dinner about 4 that husband was supposed to put finishing touches on but he fell asleep. So I finished it and ate in much self pity by myself in my bedroom quietly away from everyone watching James Bond, the perfect man. :rofl: BAD MOMMY!

After dinner I thought it would get better, nope! I did dishes because everyone including husband saw fit to leave everything laying around on the counters. Then husband leaves AGAIN (after saying "sorry YOU had to work today too, I love you") to fix the neighbors sprinkler system! difficult child decided THEN was the time to test Mom's patience at bedtime, other than the coffee spill and leaving the house and not telling anyone where he was going he was pretty good today only a couple meltdowns.

Does anyone else have easy child's that act like difficult child's. Mine did today but at least I got an apology letter from them for "taking advantage of me" I guess it's ok to be self pitiful on Mother's Day.....isn't it. Anyway husband promised to take me out to a nice dinner soon to make up for it.

Day had started out great here! NOT! :smile: Have a great day ladies and be nice to yourselves while the kids are in school, that's what I'm going to do!

Cyndi

 

[Marguerite]

A lot of this sounds like typical teen. Or if it's not, then my easy child kid(s) are not so easy child after all. But I remember my childhood - when my mother was not in earshot we would fight like Kilkenny cats. Or at least the older ones would; I'd just sit and take notes.

When they do it with me - I walk out. I go for a walk, I take my keys and simply go and sit in the bush for a while (that's 'bush' as in 'Aussie bush', or forest). They can't come looking for me because it's a big country, it's easy to hide. Sometimes I visit a friend instead, it all depends on what time of day it is. The thing is, I remove myself. I'm no longer an audience, I'm no longer a target and I'm no longer the provider. I have just gone on strike. And they'd better be nice to me if they want me to do all the little, fussy things I usually do.

When I come back, I stop at the door and assess the situation. Kids still yelling? I leave again. All quiet except for sobbing from respective bedrooms? Hmm, more hopeful. I'll come in and make a cup of coffee. If I'm met at the door with grievances or complaints about "Where have you been? We were worried sick about you!" I get ready to walk out again. Generally they know why I walked out and if they haven't got the message, a second walk out will do it. I also act surprised that they haven't begun to fix dinner yet, if they really were worried that I'd gone.

I figure it pays to keep them off balance and not so certain I'm always there to provide for their every whim. I want them to THINK about just how much I do for them in little ways, so they can realise they'd better get their act together and shift their own rear ends if they want those needs to continue to be met.

If I'm REALLY cranky and they're sufficiently contrite, I'll use the situation as an opportunity for them to use my recipe book and prepare dinner, entirely without me, since I'm feeling so unappreciated. I know I said I don't use emotional blackmail, so I don't pile it on thick - but I do want them to have a wake-up call and do something for themselves. I'll only slave over a hot stove if it's appreciated; if I'm feeling unappreciated they're on their own. I'll talk them through a recipe, but they know they've stretched my patience thin and will tiptoe around me for a while.

Hey, it works for me.

Marg

 

[Sunlight]

it is good for you to let the kids know you reached your limit. from now on when they act up tell them you are putting yourself in time out. set the oven timer 15 mins and go to your room.

 

[CCRidr2]

Funny, I actually did that when we finally found difficult child last night, way past bedtime! He wanted to "explain" to me. I said "You can't talk to Mommy because she has put herself in time out to cool down! Now go brush your teeth and go to bed!" And I watched Survivor.