I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Sep 24, 2018.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I have posted on this forum serval times about my adopted granddaughter's. Luckily the 20-year-old is now doing better and has a full-time job that she actually likes and shows up for. The younger sister was working at a fast food place, but I believe she has list her job, but won't tell me.

    I believe she is back in to active addiction. I think she thinks she can do hard drugs recreationally, but that she'll be OK. She's basically homeless but being a cute 18-year-old female there always seems to be a place to stay. She really is not asking us for help, or money, just rides to work which I'm willing to do the fix to work.

    I don't know if there's anyway to get her to reach out for help. She still has a case manager with the local mental health facility, but she's been on able to meet up with her for two or three weeks because my daughter (granddaughter) won't follow thru.

    I know she's using as she has admitted that to my son, her father. But she denies every thing to me. Is there anyway to get her the help she needs? She no longer has court supervision as the court closed her case after she became 18. But everything fell apart after age 18. She totaled her car. Got back with an abusive ex-boyfriend. Got beat up by a female friend of the boyfriend's wife. Has had things stolen from the places she stays at.

    I'm just at a loss. Nothing seems to motivate her to do better. Ksm
     
  2. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Oh KSM I’m so sorry. Your granddaughter sounds a lot like my S at that age. I’m glad she has a case worker and hope she gets reconnected there. I don’t have a lot of advice, as I clearly haven’t found any good answers for mine. S has spent years more or less homeless, and also knows how to trade off her looks and appearance of vulnerability to get favors and places to stay. Unfortuanly, also drugs.

    The hard thing is once they hit 18 our control is drastically limited. I tried so many things with S while she was underage - emergency holds, court mandated rehab programs, an inpatient facility for a bit, you name it. Like you said, once she hit 18 all bets were off. Now I just try to keep the door open when she’s ready and willing to interact with me, offer what love and support I can, and be a model for a different way of life. I can’t control what she does. I can only control me. I’ve had to let go of all expectations.

    Your granddaughter is still young, and I pray she can turn things around before she gets as old as S. I know of no way to force them to get treatment they do not want, though. I’m so sorry, and I wish I had a better answer for you.

    (Hugs)
     
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  3. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's so difficult watching a loved one going down the wrong path and feeling helpless to stop them.

    Reading your post I got the impression your granddaughter cares a great deal about your impression of her and thus avoids anything negative about her life. In some ways that's a good thing but on the other hand if she does have a problem we know by now the way to face it is admitting they have a problem.

    I wish I had the right words to say that will ease your soul. It's true you can't force anyone into treatment unless they admit they have a problem and they are willing to go. I too wish I had a better answer for you. Just know we are here to support you.

    Hugs from me
     
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  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry KSM. Many, many hugs for you........

    I responded to the title of your post, "I don't know what to do"...... before I even read it, I knew the emotions behind that statement..... the powerlessness, the fear, the what if's, the if only's.......it's such a crummy place to be.

    I wish I had some great ideas for you to help your granddaughter.....sigh...

    Have you tried NAMI's parent courses? They are very helpful and can offer not only information, but resources, guidance and support for you. It's so hard to be on the sidelines watching our precious kids or grandkids flying off the rails. Try to get yourself as much support as you can, in whatever fashion feels best to you....we need to take very good care of ourselves......when my daughter was in her craziest times and I was raising her daughter as well, I had to put self care at the very top of my list or i would not have made it through. Previous to that I thought I had pretty good self care, but I quickly figured out that I was operating under a falsehood and needed to make an immediate correction! I don't just mean therapy, I would certainly recommend that.......but just the basic stuff......getting a good night's sleep, eating healthy food, getting exercise, finding joy and laughter, strengthening a spiritual path, nurturing oneself and putting ones needs as the priority. Take excellent care of yourself KSM, you matter too......

    This is tough stuff KSM......hang in there, you're sure not alone......we're all here with you.
     
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  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I have taken the NAMI classes, but I have not continued with the group. I do attend AlAnon for families.

    I guess I have slowly been detaching and most the time can sleep and function appropriately. I've stopped calling and texting obsessively. I am no longer driving by her job to see if the car is there. (Well, she's totaled the car and lost the job, so maybe that's not a real accomplishment!)

    I just wish she could be honest with me...not lie about what she's really doing. Or make up excuses why she "quit" her job. Truly, I think she was so strung out on drugs, that she was coming down and was too passed out to get up and go to work.

    Last night, I drove her to a house she used to stay at to get her backpack she left there and return a key, When she came out, she said..."there's just a bunch of tweakers in there". I am sure she knew that before she stayed there.

    Now the new place...at least the guy has a job. Before, it was "just friends". Now it's a "relationship". She won't do birth control...because it's not healthy to take hormones. Imagine that! But meth is okay to put in your body??? If I confront her, she will deny it, so what's the use?

    A couple weeks ago, when she had stayed at our home, I found her eye glasses on the floor of her closet. One lense was bubbled, melted. I think she thought it was glass, and burned some type of drug on the lense...thinking it was glass, but it was plastic. I was stupid enough to ask her about it. She didn't have a clue how that happened. And so it goes.

    I just hate the way her story is unfolding...

    Ksm
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2018
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    KSM

    I'm so sorry to hear this too. I agree that you cannot make someone get help. You can only hope they realize they need it but in the drug fogged mind, how are they supposed to do that?

    Hugs and prayers for your peace.
     
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am very sad to hear this news KSM. I agree with others your addicted granddaughter has to want help. I know that sense of wanting to help them and knowing there simply not ready to see that they need help. My heart is truly with your heart it's so very frustrating and difficult to manage. I wish I had answers I still don't have any.