I Feel So Mean............

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Oct 13, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My best friend, the heroine addict, called me on thurs to tell me she'd discovered some doctor that will prescribe some pill that blocks the "high", the craving, and much of the withdrawl symptoms from herione. I don't remember what it is called, but do know it's not methodone. It cost a ton, and insurance won't cover it. Her mother is shelling out the $$$ in a last ditch effort to save my friend.

    Friend told me she was to go 3 days without any medications at all. Then family was to bring her to doctor/clinic where they would begin the new medication and keep her a few days under observation. Then she's to go it alone with wonder drug keeping her drug free.

    I reminded her that she's taking enormous amts of heroine just to keep from withdrawling. She hasn't been able to get high off it in months and months.

    She told me she'd need me to keep her sanity while withdrawling this weekend. Then she told me she was at her other friend (one who got her hooked on this lovely drug) who's also an addicts house.

    So I let it run thru one ear and out the other while not telling her what she wanted to hear but the cold hard truth. She doesn't realize her mother and I've been talking about this stiuation alot lately.

    Then I thought, yeah right.

    So she did call me a couple of times. I didn't pick up. In fact she called me a couple of hours ago. But Nichole had just come in and told me she was all over some tall dude on her front porch. (Nichole has to pass her house on the way home) Most likely it was the dealer and her funds have been cut off as of thursday.

    So I didn't pick up. I didn't want to listen to the lies. I'm sick of the good intentions only when she's broke. She actually called me thursday night wanting to borrow money for her drugs.:faint: I told her not even when hell freezes over.

    Tomorrow when I see her mother.............well, I like her mother too much to lie to her. Or to have friend pretending to take miracle drug her mom is shelling out hundreds of dollars for with doctor and pills, while still shooting up. Her mom is barely scraping by herself.

    And I forgot to ask easy child about this miracle drug when I saw her today. I think it's a scam and friend's Mom is gonna be hurt.

    Yup. The drug has a hold on my friend. But the self destructive personality has an even stronger hold.:(

    So I feel mean.........but I just don't have the umph to deal with it anymore. She's not the person I knew. She's just a junkie living in the shell of the person I knew and cared for.
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hate addiction. I am so sorry you have had to watch you friend go though this. Watch her poor family feel the pain. No matter how much we steel ourselves or try to ready ourselves for the inevitable, it still hits hard.
    I hope she sees how much she is losing how much love she has.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh and you are not mean, you are being a true friend.

  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hugs... this is not an easy thing to watch our friends self destruct. Sending you added strength.

  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Meth is VERY addictive. That was J's choice of drugs.

    From what I've seen, they need a VERY strong circle of support when they try to come off. The withdrawl is horrible. The only thing they can think of is to lie, cheat or steal to get another fix.

    So, it leaves family and friends with two options: 1) I want nothing to do with you anymore, or 2) you're being locked in a room for at least a month so you can detox and we'll be there for you.

    If she is not even getting a high anymore...that's a bigger problem. I feel for you in having to watch this.

    And, by the way, you are NOT being mean.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are not being mean. You DO have priorities in life, and right now you have to place family (including K and the grands) ABOVE the junkie in your friend's body. Sounds to me like you are healthy enough not to buy into the codependent "I need you" stuff she is peddling.

    The fact that she is not getting high anymore is scary. Make sure she isn't around you and yours.


  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You're not being mean, you're being a realist who's tired of being abused by an abuser.

    Why not try calling that show "Intervention" on behalf of her mother? They're always looking for new "projects" and they may be able to put her somewhere without circumventing the insurance.

    Stay strong - we're behind you on this!

  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    (((Lisa))) You're not being mean.

    Even when being supportive of a loved one, we still have to maintain our own self preservation and that's what you're doing.

    I'm so sorry for how you feel and for the loss of your friend. I lost a friend to alcohol and now more recently to sex addiction. It's a horrible horrible thing. Sending strength.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs. This has to be so hard.

    DEX was a nurse in a state rehab unit, and I know such drugs exist that prevent withdrawal symptoms, but I don't know the names of any.

    I can't even imagine...hugs.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I imagine the medication she is talking about is Subutex or Subuxone. They really do exist. What surprises me though is that if she is that poor anyone thinks she will be able to afford this stuff without being on medical assistance. Only certain doctors can prescribe it and it is quite expensive. It can really work well but it is expensive. I would think they would be sending her through methadone first since its much cheaper.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    You are anything but mean. Like you said, you are not talking to your best friend - you are talking to the junkie living in your best friend's body.

  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I think you may FEEL mean. When my x destroyed his own life and mine and Dudes with drugs I would HATE the dealers, HATE the countries that I suspected they came from, HATE those people, HATE him, HATE his enabler Mother, HATE him even....and I didn't really. I was at first sad, then guilty because I felt I couldn't do anything and then I was angry and it MADE me feel mean. I had so much anger and hate and GRRRRRR built up that ANYONE or ANYTHING that came near me got lashed.

    I couldn't save him and THAT took a huge toll on my life. That burden I would learn later was NOT mine to bear. No more than it's my burden to fix and save Dude now. Oddly enough it does make you feel mean. I was angry because I am not a helpless person. I can figure out how to do practically everything with nearly nothing and pull it off like a top. But with drugs and alcohol and mental illness - different game.

    Once I figured out that yes, there are rules in life that we try to abide by to be civilized and prolong our lives - and that when it came to drugs and alcohol and mental illness - the rule book is nonexistant? It was easier with me to cope with decisions I made regarding my x. Walking away was not easy - it was healthy for me. Walking away wasn't helpful for him - it was just another blip on his screen - In the end I imagine he will have his time to reflect on what he did with the gifts that he was given. A lovely wife and son - someone who would stand by him through thick and thin - and like your friend you had been that thick and thin for her too. She did this all to herself. Not you, not you not being there to listen, not you not being there to hold her while she shakes or vomits or joneses....it's her path - and unfortunately when you head down it? There's little room for friends because by continuing self-destructive behaviors? She's actually told you she doesn't want a friend she wanted someone to fix it all for her at times - but not a friend.

    That's how it was with my life and drug/alcoholic x. Others may find that they HAD to stay and be that friend that fixed things....I took a different path and have no regrets and won't get caught up in it again. It's too much to ask of any human - especially someone I'd call a friend.

    Hugs for your hurt.
    (after thought)
    While your'e feeling mean? Why dont' you go down the road and HAVE WORDS with Rowdy's attacker's parents? Lol...
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Lisa, that is so hard. You are wise to not pick up the phone. Drugs like that always invoke lies. Lies upon lies. The drugs are lies.
    Best of luck telling her mother. I hope she doesn't shoot the messenger.
    I've got my fingers crossed for all of you.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nope, not a mean bone in your body. I'm sorry things are so bad with your friend.
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The stuff is naltrexone, but may go by other names. We have clinics like this in Australia. The drug works by blocking the receptors for opiates, so while on naltrexone, heroin and related opiates just will not work.

    BUT I don't think naltrexone alone will do anything to protect an addict from withdrawal. So what they do, is book into the clinic and get sedated. Knocked out for 24-36 hours while on an IV. They're hooked up to a naltrexone drip while sedated and kept that way while they go through withdrawal. They then wake up clean.

    I don't know what sort of clinic she is in touch with, but the ones in Australia would check her out very thoroughly before allowing her into the program. She would have to show that she not only CAN go straight, but is making an effort in her life. If she's still hanging around with addicts and pushers, then I doubt they'd take her on.

    Her mother needs to stop enabling her. What kind of fool says, "Certainly, darling, I will mortgage the house in order to pay for this wonderful, miracle cure" and hands over the money, without checking it out first? I really hope she didn't just hand money over to her addict daughter - even if her daughter had every intention of taking the money to the clinic and booking in, you DON'T put that sort of temptation into an addict's hands. No, you take the money along yourself. And even before that - you move house, you take your daughter to the other side of the country if you have to, to get her away from her 'friends'.

    Think about how much an addict spends, to maintain a habit. It wouldn't cost much more, and it would be a one-off payment, to cover the cost of a naltrexone treatment.

    To STAY off heroin, you would need to keep taking the naltrexone in order to prevent yourself getting hooked again should you succumb to temptation and try it. But the thing is, why take naltrexone, if you're not committed to staying off heroin? It is not in the interests of an addict to take a drug (expensive drug) that will prevent you getting high.

    Naltrexone is generally monitored carefully. There are too many things which can go wrong if a patient is not really committed. You could go through the intense treatment and come out of the clinic, clean. You could, at that point, stop all medications including stopping the naltrexone. If you can be trusted to never take heroin again, you would still be fine. But the first dose of heroin, to someone who is now clean - could be fatal. You could so easily overdose because you had washed it all out of your system.

    The other danger is as I said - if you want to get high, you have to stop taking naltrexone. So really, the only way to ensure someone stays off heroin is to dose them with naltrexone in the same way methadone addicts get dosed - monitor them, supervise them, watch them closely.

    Nope, this sounds like pie in the sky dreaming. Maybe she is interested in trying this, but not right now by the sounds of it. SHE has to be the one motivated to do this. If she in the meantime tries to score heroin, she's not committed. She should be on methadone first, surely.

    But for those who are wanting genuinely to get clean and off heroin - naltrexone is a darn good way to do it.

  16. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, so sorry. It's hard to watch friends self destruct. Many hugs to you.
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Friend's Mom is paying the doctor at the clinic and for the medication directly. Glad to know at least on the doctor/clinic's part it's not a scam. She's learned the hard way to no longer give Friend money for anything. Although now that she knows Friend was trying to score just the other day, that may not go thru either. Mom is desperate, but is realising there is nothing she can do to "fix" this. I've been encouranging her to go to al-anon.

    Friend, I don't believe, is ready to be clean. If she's pushed into a corner, she wants a fast, pain free, no side effects way to be clean. Although she's knocking at death's door, I don't think she's hit her rock bottom yet. As I said before, she is as addicted to the self destructive behavior as she is the drug. :(

    Star you put that so well. Thank you.

    The day Friend is actually clean........I'll be there supporting her sobriety 100 percent. But until then I've reached the point I can no longer watch her distroy herself or listen to the lies.

    Thanks everyone.