SuZir
Well-Known Member
Sending lots of juju difficult child's way for sure. Lots of pressure for one so young. Is the move something where he can earn his way back up ? Is that a pretty common response to a situation like this?
This stint in minors is just for couple of days, after that difficult child will be back to his team. difficult child has had a very bumpy early season in his sport. He had underwhelming national team camp, mostly good pre season with his own team, okayish start of the season and after that he has been in negative spin. That (and his main competitor doing well) has cut his playing time and that has made difficult child try harder and harder and have more pressure. And trying harder simply doesn't work well in his sport, but leads to mistakes that make you more hesitant and to try harder and... difficult child still has the skills, his conditioning is better than ever (of course, there is nothing easier than make 18-19-year-old boy to get faster and stronger than before, mother nature does almost half of the work) but his self-confidence is a problem. He is sent to minors to get playing time and hopefully do well and start to build back his confidence.
This is fairly normal procedure especially when difficult child's home crowd is mad at him so that is adding pressure and his whole team is struggling and making it very difficult for player in difficult child's position to do well. Being sent to minors is a big blow to the ego but it also takes off some pressure and gives an opportunity to get things back together. And difficult child is very young also in his league standards, players in his position are considered young and up-coming till they are closer to mid-twenties. It has been years since someone as young as difficult child last year got that much playing time and did so well. And almost never do kids make smooth transition from juniors to pros without some rough patches. So difficult child having rough time is not surprising, more like something inevitable. What matters is him getting over it and learning (and with many, who have been very successful later that has taken even years.)
But this is a little bit like breaking up with your first love. It happens to almost everyone. Everyone will tell you it is likely. Everyone tells you that you will get over it and find a new love. Still it hurts like hades when it happens and nothing is helping for that.
Since it was such a public error would anyone have given husband a hard time?
It's unlikely anyone would have given husband hard time over difficult child's blunder. Mentioned it and laughed at it for sure, but to be honest, if it hadn't been my kid making an error and being devastated, I would had been simply admiring the veteran who out-smarted a kid and gave him a good lesson. Maybe feeling little bit bad for the kid but thinking that it is a great learning experience for him. There are not many fans of difficult child's team around here and I'm sure most people who follow difficult child's sport and saw the blunder felt like I would had done (if it wasn't difficult child.) It would be different if there would be a question about difficult child's conditioning or his effort or something like that. But an honest error is an honest error.
In your first post I thought about how when there is any crisis in my life I tend to do a fair job and make ok decisions but when things cool off thats when I fall apart and for example my son might really do a terrible job unloading the dishwasher with no sorting the silverware at all (yeah ...huge life altering mistake, right ) that is when I get super frustrated and it is out of proportion to the situation.
Not sure that makes sense ..esp since your issues are certainly much bigger but it seems husband stood up and really committed to being difficult child's dad, stepped up during crisis times and now on an issue that has not much to do with the deep family issues or.his parenting, he cut loose.Of course the truth is probably that there were a number of issues and he made a bad call just like difficult child did!
You may well be on to something here. husband's reactions on difficult child have certainly been out of proportion lately. It can well be residual of all the crisis with difficult child, having to man up and show self-discipline again and again to back up his choice to be difficult child's dad. And now that difficult child seems to have better handle of his own crisis, husband is crumbling. And a more I think of it, more I feel there is something else going on with husband and he is struggling with something. Unfortunately he is not talking about it with me. I will have to work on that after difficult child is again back to his home and husband hopefully more relaxed.