I have probably lost my everlovin mind.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, May 9, 2010.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    But I think Cory is moving home again. I know I know...shoot me now!

    I know all the reasons this is probably not what I should allow but I think it is something we are going to try. He has done a good job of trying to make it out there. Its just hard. We all remember that first place which was horrible. Now this place is way too expensive for him to maintain on his own and Mandy simply wont work enough to help out. She is going to college fulltime plus neither of them is supposed to drive.

    They need to get a cheaper place.

    The idea is for them to move in here with us and pay us a nominal rent and their food and save up to buy a cheap small mobile home to put on the trailer lot we have on this land. We have a space where our other trailer sat in the woods. It would be perfect for them (other than being in my backyard...lol). They could probably save up the money by the first of the year to buy a used trailer and move it. You can find old ones for about $2500. Another $700 to move and set up and you are ready. We already have a septic tank there.

    We have already talked about rules and such and all that good junk.

    I know it wont be perfect but I think Cory has grown up enough since last time that we wont have the same issues we had before. I hope. He knows I wont put up with his garbage. He knows I have learned to stand up to him.

    He doesnt want this but I think he knows that we are doing this to give him a better shot. He has to clean out the rooms in order for him to even get in here. He will be using two of my rooms to live in and store his stuff. No point in him losing his possessions. He will need them again. This isnt forever!

    I know, I have lost my mind!!!
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    All I can say is that you have lost your everlovin mind. LOL Has anyone on the board had a success story to tell about a difficult child moving back in? Maybe yours will be the first.

    Good luck!
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL....Im hoping. Who knows. Well, Fran hasnt done too badly with it...lol.
  4. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    God Bless You, Janet. I could never do it :tongue: However, I have told daughter in law that she & Baby J are welcome here anytime! Hope it goes okay. Meantime, I'll try to keep an eye out for your everlovin mind, and if I find it, I'll let you know right away!! :D
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE



  6. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I can understand, Janet. At some point I may lose my mind and let difficult child 1 move back in, too.
    Then we can look for our minds together! :p

    Best of luck with it. You're doing all the right things in terms of rules etc., and if it gives Cory a
    shot at making it on his own, that's a good thing.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Calling all cars.......calling all cars......B.O.L.O for a wad of gray, matter......last seen running screaming from it's owners skull.....

    Ahhhh ya know....You sit down, you discuss rules, you discuss consequences, and you get better blood pressure medications, and up the dosage on your AD's. Who knows? MAYBE with him being gone 2 years on his own he realizes and appreciates you. Actually it's not him I'm worried about...it's whatesername. But as long as everyone understands that if A occurs....B will happen? I guess it's game on.

    I wish you nothing but the best of luck.....really. And I'll keep a close eye out for that flamin' brain. :tongue: I mean you caught mine when it went running past yer house. ......lol.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im not so sure it wont be a nice thing for a short period of time which is what we all want anyway. They can help me with getting this house cleaned up for good and then with their help, it will stay straightened up. Cory is a great cook so that will take a load off my back. We may be able to offer to take Keyana here for longer periods of time over the summer so she wont have to pay daycare which will save everyone money and with Cory being here, its a nobrainer easy. His kid.

    I know there are going to be a few adjustment issues. We can work them out I think. My main one is friends in the house. I have two I will allow and they best be on their best behavior.
  9. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    :nonono::holymoly::byebye: Those nice young men in their clean white coats are coming to take you away!
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Aww shucks Janet...........

    In this lousy economy, I've already prepared myself for the event of kids returning home to cut costs in order to survive. I think easy child and sister in law will be ok.......nurses always have work, although sister in law could always get laid off. But I know Nichole and boyfriend are struggling to make ends meet and it's rough on them. She's having a rough time finding another job. Not surprising when we've been hit so hard in this area. If they can hold on until his internship, they ought to be ok.

    I can't say I'd be thrilled. But what are ya gonna do? Hard times calls for creative thinking. And like you said.......they aren't the difficult children they once were even if they've not quite made it to easy child status yet.

    Hopefully it will work long enough for them to get the trailor and actually be a benefit for you in the process. Keeping fingers crossed.
  11. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Generally speaking, I would NOT do it.
    Don't know your complete story with- the "kids." Is Cory eligible for disability? This way, he could earn up to a certain amount (additional) working pt and live on his own OUT of your home. IF he moves back home, I would let it be for 4 weeks (6 weeks MAX) and set up strict rules. Immediately make plans for a new location asap. A trailor sounds like a decent second alternative. Rules should apply with- this as well. Good luck.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I don't think you've lost your mind. I think it is what it is. You sometimes have to give it a shot and hope for the best.

    BUT - I am glad you have a plan. Draft it up and post it somewhere so you don't forget what you've all agreed upon and give him a copy as well to hang in his room. I think laying down those important boundaries (to keep YOU sane) are key. And make sure he (and she) understand the consequences.

    Sending lots of strength!
  13. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Want to borrow my avatar Janet? LOL really, I'll let ya........ kidding aside...I'm behind ya for support if this is what you want to do, right or wrong. What will be will be and you will ride it out and take care of things as they need to be as they occur, this I know.
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I don't know Janet, I really don't like having my space invaded with my son back home.
    It works because
    A) no drugs, alcohol, partying,police or illegal anything
    B) I give him assigned chores
    C) no wife in my kitchen and
    D) I have absolutely no expectation he will act differently. When he does, it's gravy but I am always surprised when he follows through.
    E) There is very little voice raising around here. We disagree but yelling at me is not part of the deal. I can't live with that ever again
    The funds he pays in rent and groceries are being saved for the day he has his own place. I don't want anything from my kids but to get out. LOL.

    What makes you think he will clean up and help you clean up? Is their house an example of orderliness? How they live there is how they will live
    in your home.

    After understanding that more people make more mess, cost more, and create more chaos and tension and you want to help them
    then go for it but I sure don't believe it's going to go smoothly.
    Just remember the issue last week about the medication he was supposed to provide and him not following through. You won't be able
    to go to your house and get away from difficult child ness.

    I'm hoping that it will be a positive thing for Cory and for Tony and You. Maybe it will force your oldest to find his own place. LOL.
    Thinking things through and having a plan will go a long way to avoiding problems. Like who takes care of meals? who cleans
    toilets? who vacuums and how often? who goes grocery shopping and who makes the list? What if they don't like the groceries
    you pick out with their grocery money? How do 2 adult couple resolve conflicts that are bound to come up?
    What happens if something gets taken without permission?

    Anyhow, that's how my brain works. I'm always looking for the goal and the plan to reach that goal. I hope this is a good thing for your family.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Your life. Your call.
    Heck, sometimes good results come from questionable decisions. Right? Right!
    I'll root for you all. DDD
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fran...we have thought of many of those things.

    His house is sterile compared to mine. He has always been the neat nick in the family. I think it comes from all the placements he has been in. He knows I wont tolerate any drugs or parties here. If he wants to do that, he has to do it elsewhere and he has agreed with me. I think he has outgrown the need to attempt to get over on me. He has shown a great deal of respect for me in his home in that aspect.

    Mandy wont be the one to be in the kitchen, it will be Cory. He is an excellent cook. I am going to count on him to help me in this respect. He has agreed with this.

    The bare minimum we are asking him to pay is just going to cover the small increase in electric and water. They are going to save a set amount each month for the trailer in an envelope in the safe and we will be able to see it so we know they are saving. They came up with this idea.

    I am not going into this thinking they are going to be perfect, no one is. I get irritated with Billy all the time. I get irritated with Tony! LOL. Im sure they are irritated with me.

    Nomad....Cory is already on disability. He used to be able to attempt to work construction but his back has gotten to bad for that. He has tried to get other jobs but with no HS diploma and his record it hasnt happened. Thats why he has been behind Mandy so hard to get her education.
  17. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Janet, the more I thought about the more I appreciated that my difficult child still is a "kid" vs Cory being a father and spouse.
    It's different.
    I think you are prepared and know his flaws more than anyone.
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I said I would never let difficult child 1 back home.

    He's not coming back anytime soon that I am aware of, but if there was a need, I would lay down the law and give it a shot, also. He hasn't been perfect, but he has managed fairly well on his own. Would definitely need blood pressure medications, but I'd give him a shot, anyway. A couple of years of reality and and maturity would garner him a chance, too.

    Good luck!
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Just wondering out loud here....

    You have the land with space already for a trailer. Instead of letting them move in, pay rent and groceries and try to save money to buy a used trailer outright....
    Why not buy the trailer yourself, put it on your land and rent it to them? Or let them rent-to-own it?
    Same idea--but without the stress of everyone living under the same roof.

    And if they flake out and stop paying rent? Evict them the way you would any other tenant and rent the place to somebody else...

    If they don't flake out? Great! They have their own place sooner rather than later.

    Just a thought...
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DF....wish I could but there are a multitude of reasons I cant do that. Mainly we are pretty poor folks living paycheck to paycheck. We dont have that kind of money to shell out. I might be able to get a loan on my place but refuse to do that. I also get Medicaid which limits my resources and Im not putting that at risk. I can only own one house and one car. Not blowing that. Not even for him. I wont put my house at risk either on a loan for him on the chance he doesnt pay...not worth the risk.

    This is a far better idea. He can save up the money and pay for it outright. Doesnt have to be a mansion, just a small singlewide.