I just need some strength.

Dawn Marie

New Member
My 25 year old addict son and his addict girlfriend want to move back in with us because they are now homeless. We let them live here before only they stole from us and broke the curfew we had set. He has been pan handling and it has made me sick to my stomach. I have told him that I will take him to rehab but he insists that he can do it alone.

It is so hard to keep saying know. This is killing me. PLEASE HELP
 

Teriobe

Active Member
I wouldnt do it. They will suck you dry. And steal. She can run to her family. They will just bring craziness to your sanitary. I also know its super hard to say no. But if i were to say yes it would only be for him. Im not dealing with someones elses :censored2:, my sons is enough. Please find strength say no to both thou. Good luck. There are shelters.
 

seek

Member
are they open to rehab? there are some free rehabs, as you probably know.

sounds heartbreaking for any family to witness.

I don't know where you live, but if they are not open to rehab, maybe give them tarps, sleeping bags, water bottles, etc., along with resource numbers for free medical care, detox places, rehabs, suicide crisis line, food kitchens, etc.?
 

Blighty

Member
They let you down before. What has changed ?

Only you changing what you did last time that did not work, can change the situation

It must be very hard to see them struggle; but they need to. Rehab is a good offer. If they don't want it, they are not desparate enough.
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
I am sorry you are hurting. Do not invite girlfriend in your house...i wouldnt, at least. They are probably encouraging one another to take drugs...she is not helping him.

At your sons age it is up to him to work hard to quit. He will when he is sick of his lifestyle. Maybe he needs to know you are not going to help at all until he is sober. That motivated my daughter who quit meth and cocaine twelve years ago.

Personally, I believe free rent (more money for drugs) and comfort dont help their motivation. Have you tried Al Anon? Therapy just for you? If you want your son to change (which is hard for an addict) should you not also do the very hard work it takes to change?

Changing yourself to caring about you first and detaching from your sons drama will definitely change the way your son sees things. Right now you are his go-to and rescuer. What if he didnt have an out? He would have to change, one way or the other.

"Insanity is doing the same thing ovet and over again and expecting a different result."

Hugs and light.
 

mof

Momdidntsignupforthis
Send them to the shelter, there are shelters where it does not matter if they are sober or not. They won't be together, but they have made these choices.
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I agree, do not allow them to live with you. Nothing has changed for them, the stealing and lack of adhering to your rules will continue. You are dealing with drugs and the drugs take over. You have to be very strong to say no, but that is the appropriate response to substance abusers who are still using who want to live with us. Unless they are willing to change, NOTHING CHANGES. NOTHING. They have other options, there are not only two, either they are on the streets or they have to live with you, that is what they tell you but it is not the truth. There are shelters. Food banks. They can dial 211 for national resources.

Hang in there.
 

lovemyson1

Well-Known Member
Changing yourself to caring about you first and detaching from your sons drama will definitely change the way your son sees things. Right now you are his go-to and rescuer. What if he didnt have an out? He would have to change, one way or the other.
This is so true. I've always loved the advice from Somewhere. I want to tell you that I'm so sorry dear for your hurting heart. Many of us, if not all, have been through this tough decision. It's best to detach and allow your son to WANT to change. Let him know you love him and support his sobriety. But letting him live with you is not a good idea at all. If he doesn't have you to fall on, he will be forced to take charge of his life. Take care of yourself!
 

Littleboylost

Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
My 25 year old addict son and his addict girlfriend want to move back in with us because they are now homeless. We let them live here before only they stole from us and broke the curfew we had set. He has been pan handling and it has made me sick to my stomach. I have told him that I will take him to rehab but he insists that he can do it alone.

It is so hard to keep saying know. This is killing me. PLEASE HELP
My heart goes out to you. Be strong enabling is not the answer. Tons of excellent advice. You are not alone. They are making choices. You are there to help when they are serious about helping themselves. A wise therapist once said to me, my son is free in society to choose to harm himself to death or help himself to life only supper the one you agree with. It is his choice. Tough love is not abadoning him or turning your back on him. It is being there to help when and if they really want help.
 

lovemyson1

Well-Known Member
Lovemyson, wow! Thank you! How is your awesome son doing now? We havent had more updates!
You're very welcome but you are the one to thank ;-) My son is amazing, thank you for asking! He graduates SOI this Tuesday! He's just so happy, healthy, focused and mature now! Grateful is all we can feel!
 
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