I just realized something...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by mamato3, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. mamato3

    mamato3 Member

    I have posted about my Difficult Child a few times and while praying/meditating, something came to mind... Many times, my son's moods are based on his relationship 'status' with either me (we are/were close) or his ex-girlfriend. I have found that recently, my mood is based on my son's mood. If he's ranting and raving, I'm depressed, anxious, tearful. If he's okay, so am I. This was important for me to realize because it is not the way I want to live my life!! It's not fair to me or my family! Thank you all for sharing your stories and offering advice to help me realize this is not how it is supposed to be. I deserve happiness!
     
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I think that's kind of how we all start out when we have difficult adult or almost adult children until we get the help we need to change that behavior which does not help anyone! Us or the adult child!!
     
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Mamato, you absolutely deserve happiness.

    My sense is that in realizing that your mood is based on your son's mood, you have hit upon an important truth. A quote that helped me along the path is by the Dalai Lama, simple and to the point...."don't allow others to rob you of your inner peace."

    Good job in having that realization, I believe it is an important one.
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You are living your life depending on your son. That is bad for you and him. Your moods should not depend on other people.

    Could you set a strong limit refusing to listen to him ranting and raving? Leave the house and take a walk? Locking yourself in your room with classical music? Even calling the police if he gets out of control?

    Better yet, make him leave while he is blowing up. That is abuse.
     
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  5. seek

    seek Member

    If you are highly intuitive or empathic, it is much easier to "catch" other people's moods, or to not know whose feelings are whose (you can feel bad because he's feeling bad, without even consciously knowing of his mood).

    If this is your situation, there are many things you can do to ground yourself - to free yourself of other's energies and influences . . . it does take work, but there are many things you can do.
     
  6. mamato3

    mamato3 Member

    Yes, this is my situation. Do you have any good tips or advice?
     
  7. seek

    seek Member

    I'm no expert, but there are tons of things you can do (research online). Have a routine that includes meditation, walk barefoot on grass/ground daily, make an intention to have boundaries, use "karate chop" motion on hara (3rd chakra, solar plexus) to cut cords of attachment, use essential oils, use prayer, before meeting anyone take Epsom salts bath (and take one afterwards, as well), use coarse salt around perimeters of home to protect yourself, wear protective jewelry (turquoise, black tourmaline), burn sage in your home and set intention that you are clearing energy, etc., etc.

    The most important thing is to be conscious of the fact that you are empathic and that all of the feelings in the "field" that you feel, may not be yours.
     
  8. Acacia

    Acacia Member

    Wow, the advice you have been given is great. I'd like to add to try not to beat yourself up by being affected by your difficult child. When I came to accept that I am doing the best I can, I forgive myself when I don't make as much progress as I'd like as fast as I'd like. I falter, fall down, and start again. I keep trying - that's what is important. Awareness is the first step, and it's clear you are gaining that.
     
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