I lost it tonight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JKF, Jan 10, 2013.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child drove me over the edge tonight. It's been building up with little things like him forgetting to do chores or homework and telling little lies here and there. I have to say I've been doing a reallllly good job of being patient and calm with him - NOT an easy task by any means. Seriously though - lately I've been better at controlling my anger than ever. Well - not tonight. He pushed me right over the edge. I screamed. Loud. He cried. A lot! It was not a "happy family" scene here at all. I spoke to him after I calmed down and asked if he knew why he was in trouble. He said he did and told me why. All is well now but I'm a little disappointed in myself for not holding it better together especially since I've been doing so well with that lately. I'm trying not to beat myself up because its unrealistic to think I'll 'never' yell again but I'm not a fan of tonight at all! Hopefully tomorrow will be better and we can move past this.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2013
  2. idohope

    idohope Member

    We all have those moments. Don't be too hard on yourself. Glad that you recognize that you are doing better in general and will continue to do so. These kids are just so challenging sometimes!
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh, so you're human? Join the club!
    Ya, we don't really like ourselves when we do it, but... you won't get glares and stares around this board.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You "fell off the wagon" for a moment. Now that you've recognized it (AND the progress you've made) it's time to get back on. As IC said, welcome to the HUMAN race. We all have our limits. Yours is higher but not gone. Give yourself a break and remember "progress not perfection", which with our kids is saying a LOT.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    How many of us have or could have written this post?!

    I know I did recently. I feel like you, I understand that I'm human but I do want to do better overall. I won't beat myself up either but I totally agree with you that we just need to keep trying.

    Even when I'm responding outside the right way I've almost been fascinated lately at my inner dialog and feelings. It's something I'd say about a stranger at times. Just feels like that fight or flight response hits but I have to do neither. Maybe it's character building?

    Many hugs. The last time I yelled at q (and cried and told him I thought I might have a heart attack from stress.....I went too far) he actually calmed it down for a while. Even now he doesn't seem the same. I wonder if he saw me as human with feelings? Who knows, something affected him.
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Happens to everyone of us at times. Try to use it as a teaching moment. Sometimes it makes wonders, when we can model to our kids how to behave when you have lost your cool and behaved less than admirable manner. For the kids who mess up a lot and have to apologize often it may be a very good thing to see that also parents do apologize them when they do mess up.
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I could have written this post yesterday. We all have those moments. Hugs. You will be back at it tomorrow.
  8. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    As long as they are not a regular occurrence, I actually thing these moments of losing it are not harmful. They show the child that you have limits, feelings, that you too deserve to be taken into consideration. What can come out of them can be constructive rather than negative.
  9. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies! I appreciate the support so much! I've been great at keeping my temper in check for the little things like forgetting chores or homework. However, last night he "forgot" to wipe his rear end again after going to the bathroom. I went up to his room to tell him something and when I opened the door the smell literally over powered me. I gagged and had to take a step back. It was that bad! And he knew he smelled but didn't feel like getting up to deal with. I lost it at that point! I'm sorry but that will set me off each and every time. Thankfully it doesn't happen often but the fact the he knew he forgot and knew he smelled yet chose to lay around in his own filth because he didn't feel like getting up really gets to me!
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you, JKF! It's those people who don't recognize these moment who need intervention. You are doing fine! You are human.

    I recognize myself here, as well, from Buddy: "Even when I'm responding outside the right way I've almost been fascinated lately at my inner dialog and feelings. It's something I'd say about a stranger at times. Just feels like that fight or flight response hits but I have to do neither. Maybe it's character building?"
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    We've all done it. I'm glad that you recognized that it was not one of your best mothering moments and are trying to use it as a teaching moment.

    Today is a new day.
  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I have to admit I lost my temper a little again briefly this morning. Like I said, it's not an ongoing issue - but the fact that he forgot to wipe, realized it, and then did NOTHING about it makes me furious! Ugggh!! However, I've resolved to start fresh when I pick him up from school this afternoon. He is grounded today due his behavior last night but I'm going to be calm and talk to him - no yelling. I'm also going to make some reminders to hang in the bathroom - WIPE, WASH HANDS, etc. and maybe that will help him remember to do those things!
  13. IT1967

    IT1967 Member

    I know I've written a post like that and I'm new here! And I can relate to the whole scenario, believe me. difficult child 2 melted down HUGE today after school on and off all afternoon. I did a pretty good job of keeping it together, but my husband wasn't as contained as I had hoped he would be. But I've been the one to not keep it together many times, so we just try to pick up the pieces and move on......
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    JKF... could it be partly a sensory issue? have you ever tried the flushable wet wipes?
  15. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    IC- he has both the wet wipes and regular toilet paper in his bathroom. This hasn't been an ongoing problem - last time was a year ago - oddly enough almost a year to the day. He got a new radio and was listening to music so he was in a rush to get back to his bedroom and supposedly "forgot" to wipe. The part that got me was that once he realized it he still did nothing about it bc he didn't feel like getting up and stopping what he was doing. That's the part that infuriates me!

    I'm a graphic designer so yesterday I made some really fun charts and reminders for him. He's a very "visual" child so he responds well to that kind of thing. Keeping my fingers crossed!