Whatwentwrong
New Member
Threw my 21 yr old Herion addict daughter out today. Need help sorting my emotions. I'm a train wreck. Any suggestions. In living hell
I Love and Hate my Herion addict daughter. Torn heart
- Thread starter Whatwentwrong
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Yes. Right away I would go on Amazon and read the book "Mom, I Need Help." I wish I knew he author (I forgot) but it was a wonderful true book about a young female heroin addict and her brother, both who asked for help to stop using heroin. The girl did great and there are good suggestions in there about things that can help users stop. I'm pretty sure if you put the name in the search engine the book will come up. Just not to scare yo,u, the son seemed, all through the book, to be somebody who would not make it BUT HE DID. This is a true story. The book mentions a particular non-narcotic medication (I believe) that stops heroin cravings, which really helped Daughter.
Now, for th e immediacy. Your duaghter may be angry and not want to quit and not willing to even listen. You did the right thing thought. You needed to give her incentive to quit and there is no incentive when you live at home and have your mother caring for your needs. Also, drug users often steal, lie,and get violent. Drugs in your house is also a risk to YOU.
You are not alone.
If there is a real picture of you and yours it may be best to replace it with an aviator or your pets. You will survive this. I know it's horrible, but nothing stays the same. Situations change. YOU will change. Take care of yourself now. You have peace for now.
Now, for th e immediacy. Your duaghter may be angry and not want to quit and not willing to even listen. You did the right thing thought. You needed to give her incentive to quit and there is no incentive when you live at home and have your mother caring for your needs. Also, drug users often steal, lie,and get violent. Drugs in your house is also a risk to YOU.
You are not alone.
If there is a real picture of you and yours it may be best to replace it with an aviator or your pets. You will survive this. I know it's horrible, but nothing stays the same. Situations change. YOU will change. Take care of yourself now. You have peace for now.
lovemyson1
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry you're going through a terrible time. It would be helpful to give us more background info to help. Many of us have been there, including me. One of the hardest things ever is when we packed my sons clothes and sat them on the porch and said you can't come back in. This was after he stole from us many times. The best thing you can do is let her hit rock bottom fast. The sooner she sees where her addiction has led her the sooner she will reevaluate her life choices. But it's still hard. You did the right thing. How long has she been using?
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
My daughter's doctor was meth. We had to give her the ultimatum of rehab if she wanted to live at home and she left. 5 years later, she has a son and is finally in probably the most perfect rehab for her. There is hope! But, they have to want it... (((hugs))) it is hard, but we cannot prevent bottom. The more we rescue, the more they fall.
Do you know if she is wanting help?
Do you know if she is wanting help?
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Ugh, wrote D.O.C. and it keeps changing to doctor.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Thank you for your advice. I had read your suggestion on that book "mom, I need help" on someone else's post as well. I will definitely look for it today. This is the second time we threw her out in a two months. However, this has been going on for two years now. In a quick summary, been thru dropping out of college, losing jobs, lying, stealing, arrested, probation, rehab twice, IOP, detox, etc., not to mention a bunch of money and heartache on our part.
I find my heartache with this situation is consuming and disabling me and my marriage of 2 years. My husband is truly the most wonderful, caring and understanding man ever. But I see sadness in him. Almost like a reflection of myself. I can't even look at photos from those past happy days when the kids were young. It makes me too sad. Oh yea...and I cry a lot.
Anyway, I feel better today but sure it'll be a roller coaster ride of emotions. Thank you again for your suggestions, as you can see, I changed my picture already.
I find my heartache with this situation is consuming and disabling me and my marriage of 2 years. My husband is truly the most wonderful, caring and understanding man ever. But I see sadness in him. Almost like a reflection of myself. I can't even look at photos from those past happy days when the kids were young. It makes me too sad. Oh yea...and I cry a lot.
Anyway, I feel better today but sure it'll be a roller coaster ride of emotions. Thank you again for your suggestions, as you can see, I changed my picture already.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Hit the "reply" button underneath the post. It's on your right. You are making a very common newbie mistake 
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Nope, we said the same thing, "stay home and go to to rehab,again, or move out" , my ex-husband came home to find her packed up with a cab waiting and she hugged him, said sorry, and left. This was two weeks after I had thrown her out of my home.
In sum, the last two years has been filled with grief. Not only from her but my Mom (who has Alzheimer's ) and was placed in a "home" last month because my Dad (who has terminal cancer) could no longer care for her. So......needlesstosay I'm an emotional train wreck.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I hope I can overcome this constant feeling of sadness.
In sum, the last two years has been filled with grief. Not only from her but my Mom (who has Alzheimer's ) and was placed in a "home" last month because my Dad (who has terminal cancer) could no longer care for her. So......needlesstosay I'm an emotional train wreck.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I hope I can overcome this constant feeling of sadness.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Oops. Lol. Will doHit the "reply" button underneath the post. It's on your right. You are making a very common newbie mistake
Welcome. You have a lot on your plate with your daughter and your parents. That is a lot of grief for you to be holding in your heart. I hope you have a strong support system in place, often we need professional help with the process of detachment with our kids, it is very difficult to do by ourselves. There is an article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, you might find it helpful.
Many folks here find solace and support in Families Anonymous, Al Anon or other 12 step groups. You've been through a lot and there is still a lot on your plate, make sure you are taking care of yourself, giving to yourself, getting YOUR needs met. It is easy to get depleted when there are so many others to take care of. Remember to have compassion for yourself, you deserve that too. Your daughter is making choices which you can't control. But you can control your responses and your own health and well being. Focus on you now. Take the focus off of your daughter and put it on yourself so that you can begin to fill yourself back up and balance out the care you have been putting into others.
Keep posting, it helps. We're glad you're here. Sending a big hug for your hurting heart.
Many folks here find solace and support in Families Anonymous, Al Anon or other 12 step groups. You've been through a lot and there is still a lot on your plate, make sure you are taking care of yourself, giving to yourself, getting YOUR needs met. It is easy to get depleted when there are so many others to take care of. Remember to have compassion for yourself, you deserve that too. Your daughter is making choices which you can't control. But you can control your responses and your own health and well being. Focus on you now. Take the focus off of your daughter and put it on yourself so that you can begin to fill yourself back up and balance out the care you have been putting into others.
Keep posting, it helps. We're glad you're here. Sending a big hug for your hurting heart.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Wow, what a lot of pain. Did you consider having professional help come in to help care for your parents? One person can only do so much without breaking down.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
My father finally placed my mother in a memory care home. Now my brother and I are helping him plan for his death. It's horrible. In my 48 years of life, this is definitely the most painful 2 years I've ever experienced. Some days I'm numb and go thru the motions, other days I withdraw and cry a lot. Up until 2013, I've always been a vibrant, positive, happy person. But since all this, it's hard to even fake a smile. On the brighter side, I'm truly in love with my husband. We have a happy life when I'm not consumed with sadness. We love our dog, Rex, and plan days around him and including him. We Have good friends and family who help me overcome the sadness when I let them. I love to quilt and I find it very therapeutic. Anyway, I'm glad to have found this site and able to vent because I try not to be such a downer usually and keep it inside.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Thank you for your encouraging message. We just gave our daughter the same choice, she left yesterday. Haven't heard from her. Trying to live on without her but it's hard. I worry and become consumed with many emotions: Anger, hurt, betrayal, frustration etc. all the lies, the taxiing her around, the manipulation ....so many things...too many. I've actually become numb and am beginning to "dislike" her ALOT. I've always told her "if I cut u off, it's because you handed me the scissors". That's where I'm at.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Could u explain to me all the abbreviations? D.O.C.? And the others?
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Well, as a fellow dog lover (animal lover really), I want you to know that Rex is a handsome dog and that I feel dogs are better than therapists.They charge less too and are always on call. Like you, my husband is also a Godsend, but, to be honest, I do think my dogs are cuter
Glad you found us. We do care.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
Lol. Thanks. I think I'm going to like it here. Especially if everyone is as kind as I've seen so far. Thanks again.Well, as a fellow dog lover (animal lover really), I want you to know that Rex is a handsome dog and that I feel dogs are better than therapists.They charge less too and are always on call. Like you, my husband is also a Godsend, but, to be honest, I do think my dogs are cuter
Glad you found us. We do care.
Whatwentwrong
New Member
I agree. It took a little while to realize, but that's where we are at now. No coming back without rehab, again. Ugh. How long will this go on? I'm weary already. Learning to control the heartache and tears tho. Keeping busy. This site and the people here seem to already have made me feel good. Thank you for reading and responding to my post. It helps to be heard.
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