I need strength, fairy dust, whatever

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ... on my way to pick up difficult child at school, to take him to psychiatrist, and we will tell him that his THC was positive and he has to physically give up the phone for a month. That's a long time for difficult child. He doesn't understand time, especially in regard to consequences. I think it's time he learned to tell time. :)

    I kept myself calm in the meantime by painting ...
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good plan!!!!
    Did you tell him it would be a month if it was positive?
    If so, that is what you need to do!
    We don't like to make it too long without a phone due to safety issues
    So, we usually do a week. A week, for our Difficult Child is hexx.
    You could say two weeks minimum and if he doesn't whine and accepts the consequences like a gentleman without complaint and tests negative after two weeks, you will consider giving him the phone back after two weeks....otherwise the full month without further discussion.
    Whatever you do, let me tell you, the cell phone is a MIGHTY tool. It is how we got great improvement from our Difficult Child regarding treating us with respect. We simply turn off her phone for a week and I'm extra quick to do it if she is disrespectful to me on the phone.
    Of course, the use of drugs is an even bigger issue.
    Hang in there!
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm glad your painting offers you an outlet. Of course in my minds eye I can see a "frenzied painter" wildly attacking the canvas :wink:

    I will be keeping good thoughts for you when you tell him you are taking away the phone. I'm sure he will pitch a fit and make you suffer all month with him. (let's hope I'm wrong on that one)

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  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs and strength headed your way!
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  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    CyberHugs and support for an acceptable outcome today. Hang in there.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    thank you.
    Turned out differently--the dr took him off of Concerta and gave us free samples of Stratterra. Or course difficult child is terrified of the side effects. I will have him take it tomorrow night because one of the side effects is sleepiness. All we can do is experiment. :annoyed2:
    He's still got the phone ... the dr didn't want to cooperate with-that ... basically wanted to focus on job hunting and getting grades up.
    Personally, I'm terrified when I cut off the phone because then I cannot communicate with-him.
    But it remains and huge option.
    I told difficult child that since h is license is suspended, there is no point in doing the paperwork to renew it (although I pd the fee) until his next drug test comes out 100 % clean. Not 0.01. It's got to be totally clean.
    Of course, he wants both the license and phone.
    And now he wants a tattoo. BEFORE he pays us back. He rationalizes that because it's a bible verse about being good, it's worth it. Yeah, a verse about tossing out evil ways and following the good path but you don't have to pay people back first ... (It's Kings 2).
    OMG. He just doesn't get it. (Forehead slap)
    At least he didn't rage or argue. Apparently he got the arguing out of his system today at school when he refused to give up his phone in class when he had been alternating between taking notes and texting, and got sent to the office, but the person he wanted wasn't there and he got another adult who was in a bad mood ...:rolleyes:
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Geesh.... He sounds like my kid. I do nothing, lie, steal, steal some more....... and don't understand why you just don't want to keep giving me everything I ask for. It is your fear about the phone. he does not use it to contact you unless he wants something. He does not answer it when you call and he is out doing what he wants. One clean drug test is not enough. He is a danger behind the wheel.
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  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending hugs Terry. Do something kind for yourself. Go out to dinner with your husband, get out of Dodge this weekend......balance all of this chaos with some beauty, joy, play, something completely out of the realm of your son's sphere of influence.
  9. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    Want you to know that I am following this....and hugging you tightly.

    and, I really, really hope you are doing kind things for YOU. It helps....a little bit at first...and then, a lot.
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    glad things didn't turn ugly - sometimes it's all we can look forward to!

    Keep painting girl!

  11. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Just thought I'd throw this in about the tattoo and his claim about the Bible verse. If he really wants to be serous about the Bible, here you go.
    Leviticus 19:28 (You must not make cuts in your flesh for a dead person, and you must not make tattoo markings on yourselves. I am Jehovah)
    Or how about the numerous Bible verses about honoring your parents. Here's just a couple.
    Proverbs 1:8 (Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching)
    Colossians 3:20 (Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord)
    ((HUGS)) to you...............
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aahhaha! Love it, Tanya!
    He's not into the bible.
    He just wants a tattoo. He's full of it.
    sorry, had to say that.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hahahaa! Love it!
    He doesn't give a r*t's *ss about the bible.
    He just wants a tattoo.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aaaaannnd he has a new diagnosis, although the dr said he'd rather wait until the drugs are completely out of his system: Cyclothymia.
    Not as severe as bipolar. But it's on the spectrum and lithium works for it.
    Trying Stratterra tonight. I hope.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    Found another glass water bond in difficult child's backpack.
    And I gave him cash for a snack yesterday, on the condition that he give me the receipt. That's twice he's thrown away the receipt (although I can see he ate junk food, I have no idea how much ) and twice for a water bong.
    He does NOT learn from his mistakes.
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    No more cash.
    I had to learn that too.
    Send snack with kid. They can still trade it for stuff :( but not as easily as cash.
  17. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    If he wants snacks I would buy them at the store and tell him that this needs to last x number of days. If you eat them all before that date there will be no more.
    I definately would not be giving him any cash for anything.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Typo. Bong.
    I agree.
    And I confiscated his Gameboy and laptop yesterday. He threw a fit and said they were gifts from friends. I told him that my jewelry was, too. And that he has to pay us back, first before the tattoo.
    If he doesn't get it, I'll make him get it.
  19. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Why on earth would you even consider paying for a tattoo? If he wants a tattoo, he needs to get a JOB and pay for it. Terry, I had to learn the hard way. If I was willing to give him money, and I was still willing to pay for his goodies, he was willing to wait me out. He considered that a job. He is not taking you seriously at all. been there done that
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So the glass thing is actually the mouthpiece to a hookah. difficult child showed me photos on his phone, and also showed me bongs, and something else I've never heard of, and then explained the difference and how one has a filter and one doesn't ... I asked why he bought the piece. He said his ex-friend E thought it would be fun to smoke a hookah. Apparently they didn't know how expensive they are and never finished assembling one. And he's supposedly not going over there any more. Although he's been gone all day today and very tight-lipped about his whereabouts. That's a bad sign. Especially flaunting his "freedom" on Easter. Maybe his new girlfriend, H, found out about D and they're fighting. Lord only knows.