I need the patience of Saint right now.........Vent

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Sep 4, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I totally get husband just had a massive heart attack. I totally get he came very very close to death. I get the anxiety. I get the fatigue.

    I do. I get it.

    That doesn't make it any easier. He's driving me nuts. I'm not even sure he means to, but doesn't quite matter if I'm about to rip out my hair anyway, does it?

    I've decided there is nothing worse than a hypochondriac who's had a massive heart attack. :imok:

    First day or two he was too "weak" to get up and get himself anything, only trips to the bathroom. First day I figured well yeah, trip home pretty much wiped him out. Second day......ehh maybe he didn't sleep well.....3rd day....seriously?? He was up and down the halls in the hospital, in and out of bed with no real issue. Here? Well, yesterday afternoon and today he pretty much has had to fend for himself as I've been dealing with Mom's visit. You'd think I was torturing the man or being heartless or something.

    He's sleeping on the livingroom floor because he's too scared to make the steps. He's plenty strong enough to go up and down them once a day. And after the tantrum he threw yesterday.......um yeah, he's playing weaker than he really is cuz he went stomping through the house nearly like his old self.

    I've put up with non stop anxiety attacks and childish behavior. He refuses to sleep without lights on and the tv on. I have news for him, this is going to have to stop soon as we can't really afford to keep them going 24/7.

    I was gone at the motel with mom last night for two whole hrs, and he had to call me. I didn't answer......I'm still getting used to his phone. He tells me when I got him it wasn't because he was scared, it was because he was worried I'd gotten in an accident. Hmm. Ok. I'm voting for the scared myself as he knows how my mom is and if she'd not had car trouble and arrived late I certainly wouldn't have gotten back home within 2 hrs.

    He just had a massive anxiety attack when he tried to lay on the floor. I mean he's hollering at me that he can't breathe while hyperventilating. I calming told him if he really couldn't breathe, he'd have passed out already. He was fine, it was an anxiety attack, To slow his breathing down, in through the nose out through the mouth. Took less than 5 mins for him to breathe normally again. I explained to him that while he DOES have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), it's not that severe. Actually, it's the same (maybe better due to the breathing treatments in hospital) as it's always been and not that bad, not even bad enough to need oxygen so when he can't breathe to remind himself it's just anxiety. Then he still wanted to lay on the floor for a nap.........so I was nice and asked him if he wanted help getting down there......then he asks me to lay with him.

    Ok, I swear I'm not heartless or unfeeling. And I do love the man..............but omg this is so over the top it's driving me insane in short order.

    I have anxiety. After my accident I suffered from severe anxiety. husband was about as understanding as a toad. I had to hoover it up and function as best I could until finally driven to seek medication because that didn't work so well. But even with medications I had to learn to tell myself it was anxiety and it would pass and to relax instead of making it worse.

    husband's anxiety is just so over the top into outter space I'm going to be loony tunes in just a few days. Either that or I'm going to have to be cold hearted and just tell him to stop sniveling and suck it up already. I'm just no saint I guess.

    Here I was doing so well with my smoking.........and his behavior has literally driven me out onto the porch to smoke to keep from strangling him.

    I hope his retirement funds come quickly so I can get him in to see my fam doctor for anxiety medications.........and I hope to heaven they give him some good ones.:sigh:
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending understanding and sympathetic hugs yours way. My husband who is very placid and independent had a big personality change following his heart attack. It wasn't as extreme as your husband but considering his base personality it was stressful to the max. Years later when he was in a car wreck and had all but one broken rib...he was himself. Six or seven years ago when he had bladder cancer he was appropriate. BUT that darn heart attack turned him into a stranger for a month or two. The only thing that helped was that I "babied" him...the one and only time during our marriage that he even wanted that type of attention. Finally, it passed. Hope you get relief soon. Sorry you fell off the cig wagon. Many hugs. DDD
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like he's scared (bleep)less and doesn't want to admit it. He needs to talk to another guy that's been there done that. I think you mentioned his brother has? Get those two together ASAP.
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You are a saint. A smoking, swearing, frustrated saint. Just for all you do for husband. Just for the fact you can still say you love him after all you've been through. You are still trying! Give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe a babysitter for husband while you do something for yourself. Would one of your kids be ok being the sitter?

    You've got to take care of yourself even if at times you are heartless to husband. You are the one person keeping him going. If you fall apart he is going to suffer for it.

    I really appreciate you posting about your husband. I look up to you because mine is on the spectrum too. It helps me to hear how you are doing and I think you are doing a wonderful job.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yes HaoZi I think you're right, perhaps a call from his bro is in order. I'll talk to sister in law via fb and let her know it's an anxiety issue.....I'm sure his bro went through similar to whatever degree because it is normal after such a thing. It's just it's also driving me crazy. lol (if I don't laugh I'm going to start banging my head on my desk)

    Now that he has his appetite back (which also tells me he's feeling much better than he lets on), he's wanting to eat all day. I'm being mean and nixing it. Trust me, he's not starving by a long shot. He's just eating normal portions and I'm not allowing him to stuff his face with food because he can't smoke..........ok, so he'd do it anyway, the not smoking is making it worse. Food is husband's comfort measure. He's going to have to relearn that right along with the not smoking.

    I've ignored his 3 requests for a bag of m&m's I picked up while out today. Pretended not to hear him The candy is hidden. lol I bought it (ok I got it for free) to start making up Halloween bags for the grandkids when Nana has a Halloween party for them.......instead of them treat or treating Nana. Since he swiped 2 doughnuts my mom left, last thing he needed was a bag of m&m's. sheesh

    I'm not sure about that wonderful job Liahona........I'm just stubborn to the bone. lol
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Lisa, if they had him walking in the hospital and now that he is home he wants you to do everything, it would be in HIS best interest if you told him that you will NOT baby him and he is to get up and get what he wants for himself. I KNOW it is HARD and you will feel terribly mean, and he will say nasty things most likely. But if you baby him and let him get away with this, you are FEEDING the anxiety that he will have a heart attack if he does any walking/exercise. It also may increase the chances of another heart attack because he is not doing what is needed for recovery.

    He does need anxiety medications and they were idiots in the hospital to not rx them. I also think you have the patience of a saint with him, but you have to temper it with common sense and NOT feed the anxiety monster.

    I would likely just tell him that if he has enough air in his lungs to yell then he is NOT unable to breathe.

    I am glad he is home and getting better, and I know that to some extent he needs help, but the more you baby him above what a hospital nurse would do, the more you are telling him that the anxiety is right and the more the anxiety will grow. When he wants something and won't get it himself, ask if they did it for him in the hospital or if he did it himself.

    Major hugs and patience coming your way!
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest


    American Heart Association - info on post heart attack recovery, recipes, etc. Since they neglected to give him those instructions maybe this will help.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Oh, trust me, I'm in no way shape or form babying him. husband being a hypochondriac all these years has made any instinct I might have in that area deader than a doornail. I can't baby him as he will milk it for all it's worth, anxiety or not.

    Except for the first day, he's basically done for himself pretty much. First day I cut him some slack as he rode 2 hrs home in Nichole's jeep in 100 some degrees with no ac, took so long cuz they got stuck behind an accident, and it totally wiped him out. Didn't do any favors for lil Oliver either. Made sure Nichole didn't head back home until the baby was properly cooled and hydrated.....by then it wasn't quite so hot.

    Today he did all drinks / food. I just keep an eye on what he's doing. I told him tomorrow he's going to start walking the house, that he's not even been walking as much as he did at the hospital and that is not going to happen. It's too important he move. And I found his breathing thingie that helps with his lung function.......can't for the life of me remember the name and I've said it a million times sheesh. He hid it. Told him he's going to start using that as well.

    I wanted him to catch up on some rest before kicking into big time nurse mode. Which he has. He's still napping, but he's actually sleeping when he lies down. So now it's time to get up and start building that strength up.
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    When my bro quit smoking after heart surgery (due to a stroke - long story)... he couldn't handle not having "something" in his hand. So the "something" ended up being food.
    Bro was young, strong, and trim - and when the weight went up by 5 lbs, he knew it meant trouble coming...
    His answer: he didn't eat veggies with meals unless it was "in the same pot" - e.g. stew, soup, etc. He saved all his "veggie-ration calories" to spend on raw veggies - made up a day's worth at a time, and whenever he needed "something in his hand" he got ONE raw veggie out of that container. He always ate ALL his veggies - he needed that much - so he had to ration himself on how often he got the next "veggie fix". But the veggie fix kept him from going over the cliff with a nicotine fix. And the rationing kept the calories to where they belonged.

    Just another stupid idea - use what you can!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa...I know I was a royal pain when I came home. My personality was so different that everyone could tell and you guys could even tell from my typing. It took me months before I could type more than two sentences on here. I can tell when I get on here really late at night like this that I am not at my best because my posts are really hard to follow because my brain isnt working well. Tony was surely not himself when he got home from his stroke. He was slower and couldnt understand things as well and there were just odd things. He also had weird personality changes that have stayed but he doesnt believe us.

    I really think you need to find a cardio group or clinic to get him in to see asap. Call medicaid on Tuesday and make sure that application was put in and if it wasnt put it in. He now should be approved as a disabled adult.
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    You've gotten some really great ideas. I second finding him a cardio group. Everyone I know who's gone through this begins a cardio workout as therapy. The heart is a muscle and needs exercise. Part of the reason my mother became obese was because following her by pass surgery she stopped exerting herself in any way. Once she felt her heart beating, she thought she was going to have a heart attack. Her solution? Do as little as possible. It was a real fear for her, but due to her age, and also because she was in rural WV, her docs didn't push a cardio program. Big hugs, don't diminish all that you do, Lisa, you're wonderful. And I think nursing is your true calling-they're the ones who have to practice tough love to help their patients!
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    No advice, but sending hugs and strength, Lisa.