nvts
Active Member
I think I'd go back. Here's my $1.22 (I'm broke this week, so I can't give your my $2.oo psychology!) opinion.
My mom suffered from severe depression probably from the time I was 9 or so years old. She attempted suicide, slept on the couch all day, didn't cook dinner, go over homework, etc. I was doing the bake sales for sibs, signing their permission slips, staying home with the smaller ones when they were too sick for school, I started driving to the store at 13, covering for her when she was driving and scratched a womans car, etc.
She was also a complete alcoholic. Vodka bottles stashed all over the house. Air ducts, counter tops, drop ceiling in the kitchen, under towels in the linen closet, behind the mixer, behind the clothes dryer, etc.
Self medicating? No. Depressed? Nope, not her - she was too intelligent for that! Alcoholic? That's for bums in the street.
In her opinion, she had no problems. She was fine. Even after the suicide attempt (and she was damn near dead), they mandated weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. She went. She sat and stared at the shrink. Her 45 mins. of therapy was to stare at the guy. If he'd ask her a question, she'd stare. If he sneezed, she'd stare. If it was time to leave, she'd get up and leave.
Was she an alcoholic? Nope. Did she drink everyday until she was asleep on the couch, noncompas-mentus? Yup. Was she an alcoholic? Nope. That's for bums in the street.
What I'm saying is: quite frequently, addicts don't feel that they have a problem. And they truly, deep down feel that they're not what they are.
The release of records allows him to know where he's starting from.
I'd go to the next appointment. I'd tell him how it made you feel to be made to feel like he was questioning your commitment to feeling better as well as how truthful you were. Make sure you ask him: Why would I go out of my way to be truthful and honest and open with you on so many levels and then lie? You might be surprised by his answer.
Keep in mind, therapy is like peeling the layers of an onion. It's self-exploration, revelation, and eventually healing with the help of another person or group.
I'd go back, yes I would. I'd tell him how I felt, and that I had trust issues now that were there already, but he's magnified them.
Just my $1.22!
Beth
My mom suffered from severe depression probably from the time I was 9 or so years old. She attempted suicide, slept on the couch all day, didn't cook dinner, go over homework, etc. I was doing the bake sales for sibs, signing their permission slips, staying home with the smaller ones when they were too sick for school, I started driving to the store at 13, covering for her when she was driving and scratched a womans car, etc.
She was also a complete alcoholic. Vodka bottles stashed all over the house. Air ducts, counter tops, drop ceiling in the kitchen, under towels in the linen closet, behind the mixer, behind the clothes dryer, etc.
Self medicating? No. Depressed? Nope, not her - she was too intelligent for that! Alcoholic? That's for bums in the street.
In her opinion, she had no problems. She was fine. Even after the suicide attempt (and she was damn near dead), they mandated weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. She went. She sat and stared at the shrink. Her 45 mins. of therapy was to stare at the guy. If he'd ask her a question, she'd stare. If he sneezed, she'd stare. If it was time to leave, she'd get up and leave.
Was she an alcoholic? Nope. Did she drink everyday until she was asleep on the couch, noncompas-mentus? Yup. Was she an alcoholic? Nope. That's for bums in the street.
What I'm saying is: quite frequently, addicts don't feel that they have a problem. And they truly, deep down feel that they're not what they are.
The release of records allows him to know where he's starting from.
I'd go to the next appointment. I'd tell him how it made you feel to be made to feel like he was questioning your commitment to feeling better as well as how truthful you were. Make sure you ask him: Why would I go out of my way to be truthful and honest and open with you on so many levels and then lie? You might be surprised by his answer.
Keep in mind, therapy is like peeling the layers of an onion. It's self-exploration, revelation, and eventually healing with the help of another person or group.
I'd go back, yes I would. I'd tell him how I felt, and that I had trust issues now that were there already, but he's magnified them.
Just my $1.22!
Beth
meowbunny
New Member
Personally, I want a therapist who isn't willing to take my word for things at first. That's too easy and it is too easy to lie and too many patients do exactly that. This man sounds like he is thorough and that's good.
As I said, I prefer that my therapist go in with some doubts. I much prefer that to someone who takes my word for whatever I say. The doubting Thomas who checks what facts can be checked is a step ahead. He will find out that I'm truthful, forthright and a straight shooter. Saves a lot of time in the long run. The one who does no checking is going to have to listen to the words and body language and try to determine if I'm playing games or in total denial about some things.
I have little respect for someone I can walk all over. If you're going to treat me, you better be able to wade through any BS and if I think I can get away with it, I'm not going to dig into the things that hurt. So, I like that he wasn't willing to just accept your word for it. I know I wouldn't like the fact that someone didn't take my word for things but to me that's far better than the dolt who just believes me blindly. I know I'm not lying but the therapist is a stranger. He doesn't.
I adore my therapist back home and still call him when I'm having problems. I HATED him my first 5 visits. He questioned everything I said. I found him rude, condescending and arrogant. I had no choice, though -- it was him or no one due to my insurance -- and even a jerk was better than nothing at that time. I am so glad I stuck with him. He took no guff from me. He cared and gave me great advice and comfort when I needed it. He still does.
As I said, I prefer that my therapist go in with some doubts. I much prefer that to someone who takes my word for whatever I say. The doubting Thomas who checks what facts can be checked is a step ahead. He will find out that I'm truthful, forthright and a straight shooter. Saves a lot of time in the long run. The one who does no checking is going to have to listen to the words and body language and try to determine if I'm playing games or in total denial about some things.
I have little respect for someone I can walk all over. If you're going to treat me, you better be able to wade through any BS and if I think I can get away with it, I'm not going to dig into the things that hurt. So, I like that he wasn't willing to just accept your word for it. I know I wouldn't like the fact that someone didn't take my word for things but to me that's far better than the dolt who just believes me blindly. I know I'm not lying but the therapist is a stranger. He doesn't.
I adore my therapist back home and still call him when I'm having problems. I HATED him my first 5 visits. He questioned everything I said. I found him rude, condescending and arrogant. I had no choice, though -- it was him or no one due to my insurance -- and even a jerk was better than nothing at that time. I am so glad I stuck with him. He took no guff from me. He cared and gave me great advice and comfort when I needed it. He still does.
Steely
Active Member
This is how I feel, exactly. I just want the mental pain to stop!!!! How can a doctor over analyze, be critical and non trusting, when we are crumbling?
Patronizing is the "depart" word for me. Any doctor that patronizes me even one iota, I am out the door. Two days ago I told one of them to F off and left.
You need no more additional stress. Find a therapist you like. It will take time, but they are out there. I finally found a p-doctor yesterday that was the one (I think.)
Hugs.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Abbey
Spork Queen
Yuck. I have had such bad experiences with therapists that I could literally yuck on the floor.
I don't have the money to shop around for another one. I get more support from board members than I do from some $100/hour therapist. The last one I saw sat there with a clipboard and checked off all the necessary questions. I wanted to TALK. It doesn't matter whether you are there for whatever reason, whether it be susbstance abuse, etc. You're holding your hand out and need help. When it appears that they are just going through the motions, it loses all purpose.
I wish you luck, hon. I would go back and see him and put it on the line. Tell him exactly how you feel. It can go one way or another. He may soften and really listen, or he may go by the book. You don't know if you don't give it a try.
Abbey
I don't have the money to shop around for another one. I get more support from board members than I do from some $100/hour therapist. The last one I saw sat there with a clipboard and checked off all the necessary questions. I wanted to TALK. It doesn't matter whether you are there for whatever reason, whether it be susbstance abuse, etc. You're holding your hand out and need help. When it appears that they are just going through the motions, it loses all purpose.
I wish you luck, hon. I would go back and see him and put it on the line. Tell him exactly how you feel. It can go one way or another. He may soften and really listen, or he may go by the book. You don't know if you don't give it a try.
Abbey
F
flutterbee
Guest
So, after spending most of the day in bed just feeling despondent....
I have a history of not going back to a therapist if they have hit a hot button. Like Janet said, I am therapy resistant. I'd rather chew off my right arm than dredge up and deal with all of this stuff. I've gotten really good at burying it and just not thinking about it. Most of the time.
So, I have to address this. If we get through it, fine. If not, I'll move on.
Oh....Abbey...this guy is $145/hour.
I have a history of not going back to a therapist if they have hit a hot button. Like Janet said, I am therapy resistant. I'd rather chew off my right arm than dredge up and deal with all of this stuff. I've gotten really good at burying it and just not thinking about it. Most of the time.
So, I have to address this. If we get through it, fine. If not, I'll move on.
Oh....Abbey...this guy is $145/hour.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Abbey...check out churches. My therapist does therapy through her church one night a week for free.
Also...I hate to even say this but I was on the indigent program through county mental health for almost 2 years so I saw mine for free. She was paid through that program. When I went on Medicare/Medicaid there was a glitch in the billing/payment procedures and no one can figure out how to bill for my therapy. She has been seeing me since last July for free. Once a week.
Also...I hate to even say this but I was on the indigent program through county mental health for almost 2 years so I saw mine for free. She was paid through that program. When I went on Medicare/Medicaid there was a glitch in the billing/payment procedures and no one can figure out how to bill for my therapy. She has been seeing me since last July for free. Once a week.
muttmeister
Well-Known Member
A therapist is worse than worthless unless you can make some kind of connection with them. I don't think I'd give up on him after just one time but I would definitely tell him exactly what you've told us here and see where it goes from there. I'd give him one or two more times to redeem himself and, after that, if it was better I'd give him a try but, if not, I'd hit the road.
Marguerite
Active Member
I'm actually thinking this bloke might have something going for him - I could be wrong, I'm not there. But he really got you thinking, Heather, he really got you worked up. You were angry, but it's better to be angry than just depressed.
I don't think his aim was to make you angry, or merely to force any kind of emotional response. But he did sound like he was trying to be thorough.
I would tell him exactly how he made you feel. As Beth said. Then see how he responds to this. He MAY keep his voice calm and want to talk to you further about just why it set up such a strong emotional response - that might really annoy you, it does sound like he's being patronising, but would actually be the best response for him because it would mean he's grabbing the chance to get right into the problems. If, on the other hand, he gets defensive and angry at all - THEN go find someone else.
I used to work as a counsellor (in one of my many incarnations). I used to break the rules all the time because I hated being patronised myself, and there were times when if I had followed the rules, that is how it would have sounded. There is a technique which is commonly used, supposed to be really helpful, called "reflection". The client says, "I've been feeling really down, I can't get moving. I just want to lie there and not move, and let time just wash past me."
The counsellor's reflected response, "So you have been feeling down, not wanting to move, just wanting to lie there. Let time wash past you."
If ANYONE does that to me, I want to get up and walk out. I usually say, "I don't need reflection, I need analysis. Throw out the textbook and LISTEN to me. I need your help, not your imitation."
For me, I need a therapist who will hear me say things like that and respond with, "How long have you felt like this? And how does it make you feel, inside, at the end of the day?"
In other words, I need a therapist to keep it moving forward. For me, reflection is just marking time. But it IS what the textbooks say you should do (as a counsellor) especially to begin with. I think the idea is, to let the client know you're listening and staying on topic, not mentally redesigning your office.
Heather, a rather naughty suggestion - why not go to your library and borrow a textbook on counselling. Then if you notice him using techniques which really grate on you, pull him up and ask him to find another way. Again, if he's worth the amount he's charging, he should be able to handle this. And if he IS worth that amount, he could be exactly what you need.
If.
Marg
I don't think his aim was to make you angry, or merely to force any kind of emotional response. But he did sound like he was trying to be thorough.
I would tell him exactly how he made you feel. As Beth said. Then see how he responds to this. He MAY keep his voice calm and want to talk to you further about just why it set up such a strong emotional response - that might really annoy you, it does sound like he's being patronising, but would actually be the best response for him because it would mean he's grabbing the chance to get right into the problems. If, on the other hand, he gets defensive and angry at all - THEN go find someone else.
I used to work as a counsellor (in one of my many incarnations). I used to break the rules all the time because I hated being patronised myself, and there were times when if I had followed the rules, that is how it would have sounded. There is a technique which is commonly used, supposed to be really helpful, called "reflection". The client says, "I've been feeling really down, I can't get moving. I just want to lie there and not move, and let time just wash past me."
The counsellor's reflected response, "So you have been feeling down, not wanting to move, just wanting to lie there. Let time wash past you."
If ANYONE does that to me, I want to get up and walk out. I usually say, "I don't need reflection, I need analysis. Throw out the textbook and LISTEN to me. I need your help, not your imitation."
For me, I need a therapist who will hear me say things like that and respond with, "How long have you felt like this? And how does it make you feel, inside, at the end of the day?"
In other words, I need a therapist to keep it moving forward. For me, reflection is just marking time. But it IS what the textbooks say you should do (as a counsellor) especially to begin with. I think the idea is, to let the client know you're listening and staying on topic, not mentally redesigning your office.
Heather, a rather naughty suggestion - why not go to your library and borrow a textbook on counselling. Then if you notice him using techniques which really grate on you, pull him up and ask him to find another way. Again, if he's worth the amount he's charging, he should be able to handle this. And if he IS worth that amount, he could be exactly what you need.
If.
Marg
F
flutterbee
Guest
Thank you all for your responses.
I was sooo upset - obviously - yesterday and for the better part of today. If it hadn't been for all of your responses, I would have done what I've always done when a therapist has hit a sore spot and not gone back. I need to at least address this. I can move on if he's not the right one for me. I have the name for another therapist close to me that my GP really likes. I had her name before, but wanted to try a guy to see if it might work better for me.
Thank you for being objective and honest with me.
I was sooo upset - obviously - yesterday and for the better part of today. If it hadn't been for all of your responses, I would have done what I've always done when a therapist has hit a sore spot and not gone back. I need to at least address this. I can move on if he's not the right one for me. I have the name for another therapist close to me that my GP really likes. I had her name before, but wanted to try a guy to see if it might work better for me.
Thank you for being objective and honest with me.
klmno
Active Member
Good for you, Heather!! It sounds like it might be beneficial to go back back at least one more just to be able to say to him that you do not have that kind of problem- expressing that and how the situation went last time might be therapuetic in itself. I'd say you'll be able to tell by his reaction if he's worth pursuing after that.
I had similar (but different) questions about a therapist yesterday- I'll probably be posting about that this evening!
I had similar (but different) questions about a therapist yesterday- I'll probably be posting about that this evening!
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