....and still will in real life. But....I have the overwhelming need to spill the beans so who better to spill to than you guys? As you can probably figure out by my signature, husband and I have some fertility issues. We've never figured out 100% what the problem was although we know it lays with me. I was told that I'm a smorgasboard of reasons why I never got pregnant. We tried for some years but never had the money to really delve into the fertility treatments. I had a couple of surgeries to take care of a couple of things and did a couple of rounds of Clomid (to stimulate ovulation) but the minor stuff didn't work. We just didn't have the money to move up to the heavier duty stuff. Last week, husband was looking over new insurance for work. They are switching companies after the first of the year so we have to pick out plans again. Turns out this new insurance has somewhat decent fertility coverage. So...I had some thinking to do. Am I up to doing this again....am I up to starting over at my age...am I up to dealing with the emotions if it doesn't work? I mulled it over, thought it out, texted some friends for advice and............. We're going to try one last time for a baby! It won't be till after the first of the year and I don't know what we'll be doing yet. I haven't even really looked at the plan much more than to sign up. I'm excited but there is terror mixed in also. Mostly for if it doesn't work but at the same time, at least we tried. I told husband that if it doesn't work, he and I are taking a restorative vacation and then adopting again. I want a baby that's part of the two of us but just like before....we can always adopt. At least this time we'll know what to look for, what questions to ask and how to read between the lines. I'm just not planning on telling people around here. Last time I got a lot of well meaning people asking constantly how things were going and telling me to hang in there...if it's meant to be it will happen. Not really the things I needed to hear, Know what I mean?? A couple of close friends know here and that's it. But, like I said....I had to spill to you guys! In my "need help" post, I mentioned that I have a physical reminder I'm carrying around to remind me why I'm quitting smoking. It's a rubber duckie that I've got in my purse. So....that's the scoop. I'm working on the smoking, then the weight and getting in a bit better shape. Once the insurance kicks in....we'll keep our fingers crossed.