Icantwin--Introductory Post

[SRL]

Hello All...I am right there with Charlene1. My daughter turned 5 in May and I am losing my mind! She started K in Sept and things have spiraled out of control since then. She was diag at 4 with possible ODD and Anxiety disorder. After trying every think I could think of to make thing better her 5th birthday and summer seemed to do the trick. It was just a vacation! Things are much much worse than before and getting even worse. The Dr. told me I needed to keep trying, use charts, rewards, anything to try to motivate her to behave. My husband thinks I am nuts...he thinks I don't discipline her enough...she just laughs at me and goes right back to the bad behavior. We have another evaluation scheduled (on the waiting list) for November sometime...I just don't know what to do next. Everyday is a battle it starts in the morning before school and continues as soon as she gets home! I am glad I found this site...at least I can vent! Thanks for that!

Edited by Icantwin (10/24/06 12:31 AM)

 

[SRL]

I have a child who spiraled out of control at the beginning of first grade. He handled K well, but in hindsight I suspect the fact that he was on medication for anxiety during the first half of the school year merely postponed that for a year. When he started first, everything broke loose and every issue that he had went sky high. It's critical that you handle this in an understanding manner because this can be very debilitating to a child.

Usually when this occurs there is a reason--or more commonly reasons--why a child isn't handling the school setting well. You already have anxiety disorder diagnosed so you have a head start there. What kinds of specialists will be seeing her in Nov?

Because this does seem directly related to the start of school I'm also going to suggest that you get the ball rolling for a school evaluation. Even if she's currently performing academically, the school can make positive changes to help out. For instance, my son had classroom breaks for juice or exercise built into his schedule so he could get a break from the stressful classroom. The second one occured shortly before he came home so he could release some of the stress there and not vent at us. There are other supports that can be put in place for her but it will take going through the formal evaluation process which is initiated through writing a letter to your building principal.

Until you get a better grasp on what her full issues are I would recommend backing off from the behavioral expectations. Keep her safe and do what is needed to keep her calm. When a child is at maximum stress with an evaluation pending is not the time to deal with these issues--I promise, they can wait, and will be much easier to address once you have the full picture. You will want to get the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It will give you a strategy to help you deal with behaviors for now.

What kinds of battles are you seeing in the morning? Foods, clothes, just general compliance?

 

[SRL]

I've sent you some info by email that you will want to check.

 

[Ltlredhen]

Just wanted to add my welcome to the board. You will find lots of support here, we know what it is like to have a difficult child like ours. Hang in there,

Donna

 

[tiredmommy]

Welcome Icantwin. SRL has given you some excellent advice. My 5yo doesn't outright laugh at me, but taunts. So I understand. You are not alone anymore.

 

[BusynMember]

Any developmental delays or speech lags? Some kids don't understand inappropriate responses. They laugh when they should cry, etc.

 

[totoro]

My 5 yo difficult child is very much like that... everything is a struggle. When she is exploding right before she starts attacking me she will smile, but I have realized she really isn't smiling or laughing, none of this is fun mostly, for them, The smile is like a release or reaction for her. It is kind of a crazy reaction and I have read that kids will laugh smile and do things like this, but remember sometimes it may not be funny to them.

I try to give difficult child 2 choices, we have constant struggles with every thing we do, it is a nightmare, so I say do you need help with your clothes or can you do it this morning? Do you know if you can do it this morning, here are your 2 choices.... Or she picks out the clothes the night before. Do you want to shower or take a bath??? If she is SO out of control that she is becoming violent or too upset sometimes we have to skip brushing our teeth or I bring it into her bedroom, or we don't take a bath. I choose my battles wisely now... clothes, food, noise,stimulus etc. All of these things mean something SO much differently to kids with behavior issues.

When thay are this young you have to stay calm and remember you are trying to help them through something tough.
They usually have too much going on, too many choices, too many feelings etc.

Sometimes we have to adapt to them alot, regardless of what husband says!!! My husband has learned that it is not her fault and she is not doing it on purpose and it helps...

Good luck
breathe
hang in there

 

[amy4129]

Icantwin-
There are great resources in our area and some great psychiatrists. Let me know if I can help.
Amy