Im back...and at the end of my rope

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tinamarie1, Dec 15, 2008.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    I have been away for a while but am back now and feel like packing a bag and running away from my kids.
    About a month ago, we found out by going through easy child's phone that she had been telling people she may be pregnant AND if that were not bad enough, she was also telling them that she was afraid to tell us because we abuse her and she felt like we would literally kill her and the baby. My kids haven't gotten a spanking since they were toddlers and it was only if they did something that risked their safety (like running in the street).
    She did confirm that she had sex and did think she was preg. So we bought several tests and they were negative. thank god for that....then dealing with the lies about abuse. I made her text message all of her friends and tell them that those were lies and that because of that her b. day party was cancelled and she is grounded. We ended up celebrating her b. day just family and took her out to eat. Whereas it was supposed to be me taking all her friends to the movies and dinner. On top of all that, this 17 yr old boy had been sending her full frontal nude pictures of himself on her phone. This happened a few weeks before the pregnancy thing and abuse. My husband talked to this kids mother and told her that this was a warning, he is to stay away from her and not have any contact and if he does we will go to the police. Well, what my smart little easy child did was change his name on her phone so i wouldn't know it was him she was talking to. But somehow I found out it was him she was talking to every day again, right up until the preg. and abuse things came about.
    I have NOOOOOOO trust for her. This happened about a month ago and at every single turn, she does something that is a lie or sneaking behind my back, talking on the phone when i am not home (the house phone). We are in counseling, but i had to drag her to go. The counselor just says it will take time to heal and to trust again, but easy child seems to have no interest in healing our relationship. She loves to shock and awe. Loves to beg for tattoos, piercings, things that we are really against...anything to get us stirred up.
    Fast forward to this morning...I wake up to screaming, like someone is stabbing her screaming. I come flying down the stairs and she is still screaming. I said WHAT is it????? She said that difficult child hit her in the back with a tennis ball several times. Then I look at him and he has bright red rings around his neck. He said she was choking him. Over what??? The computer. The blanking computer. I said ya know what? Go to your rooms until i tell you to come out. And the next time you assult each other like this, I will call the police. You don't go around choking someone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or slamming a ball into their back.
    I told them no more computer this whole week unless it is a school assignment that i give them.
    Thanks for listening. I just had to get this out. I feel like I just can't deal some days.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Let me know when and I will go with you. I have been thinking this weekend that Jennifer needs to gas up the bus and round us up!

    Yesterday my easy child started yelling from the kitchen. She was screaming at difficult child but trying to get me to come to her rescue. I just shouted, "I didn't quite hear that. Be a little louder and a lot clearer next time." Another case of the bully trying to get rescued when the victim strikes back. The "bully" chokes the "victim", the "victim" in self defense starts hitting and the "bully" yells for help!

    I would be just as angry as you. Their individual rooms are a very good (and safe) place for them for awhile.

    Maybe we should just round up our teenage daughters and drop them off on a deserted island with no possibility of boys finding them. We will take away their cell phones and the internet. They have to figure out how to spend their time without their outside communications.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Glad to see you back, but sorry under such conditions.

    Home phone? - REMOVE ALL PHONES and put in your trunk
    CELL PHONE? - okay ONE picture warning - it would be gone....period.
    Computer? - KEYBOARD in trunk with phones- and administrator password
    CHOKING AND HITTING - YUP police plain and simple you said it now do it.

    Preganancy? BIRTH CONTROL SHOT NOW.......PERIOD. (or no period) Know what I mean??

    This is not an easier said than done situation - this an easier done and no say no more - situation.

    Tennis balls? OUTSIDE! I'd put the fear of God into him for hitting her with a ball - and then I'd do the same to her about the choking -

  4. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Adrianne, sign me up for the bus ride and dropping our daughters off on that VERY secluded and VERY far away island!!! lol

    I agree with Star, however I am being a total hypocrite in saying so as I am just now gaining enough strength for the "tough love" thing. I wish I had been able to do this years ago, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad with my difficult child if I had the strength back then.

    Hang in there and God bless. :)
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh boy...I was so wanting to run away about a month ago. It comes and goes in cycles at my house.

    Daughter lost her brand new cellphone (actually, it was brand new because her other one was defective and rather than repair the company thought it easier to replace) because she and some of her friends (spending the night) decided to sneak out of the house while husband and I were sound a sleep.

    They didn't go far and stayed in the neighborhood. Where did they go? Oh, geez, to another kid's house where he was completely zonked out on his Mother's Xanax. He gives some to all the girls. Daughter, who is adament this is the first time she has taken "drugs", got zonked too because they decided to break the pills in half so they would kick in faster.

    Walking home Daughter loses her new cell phone. Of course, she gives in some ridiculous story of where it went ("I don't just suddently wasn't in my pocket"). That was the last straw. No more phones paid for by me. That's what you get for sneaking out. She's nearly 18 anyway.

    Then about a week later Daughter calls me at work from school, frantic. "Someone" called one of the other girl's mothers and claims that Daughter gave them drugs and that she's awful, bad, and horrible for doing such a thing. Other mothers are called and it gets around. Daughter fears being a pariah.Then, I get the whole story from a very tearful Daughter. Went to this kid's house because he is a friend of one of the other girl's boyfriends (it's always so complicated in the teen world).

    I ask about adults being home. Where were they? I couldn't get a straight answer. Then, through a friend of mine, I get the lowdown on the parents. Too complicated and messy to explain but Mom's a complete flake.

    My first instinct to is call all the Moms and defend my Daughter. Daughter wants me to step in, too. Truthfully, if these people don't want their daughters around my daughter, it's fine. However, I want that decision based on the truth of what really happened-the boy gave them Xanax he had stolen from his Mom and the girls made their own choice to take.

    Anyway, Daughter doesn't like the damage done to her reputation. Hey, kid, sorry that's the consequences of poor choices.

    husband left me a message on my cell today: "Hopefully, the difficult children (our kids) won't have completely sucked us dry by the time they leave the nest":faint:
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I was ready for Jen's bus to Belize to come by yesterday.

    Hope things have calmed down somewhat at everyone's houses.