I'm really struggling today.....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, May 10, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's been an awful day ..... my kids are out in some sort of treatment facilty or group home; husband is gone & I've never felt so alone on a Mother's Day before.

    I've spent this morning cleaning, as best I can, from all the chaos over the past week. Friday morning I had to get my bedroom ready for my new furniture - I started in husband's armoire. I'm not generally a yeller, but I screamed at husband with each dress shirt & suit coat I took out of his armoire. My heart seemed to break.

    I'm picking up the pieces this morning after kt's overnight pass Friday til yesterday evening. My new bedroom looks beautiful ~ there's enough room to use my walker. All of this change may be too soon however, I wasn't able to function. I felt stuck between a rock & a hard place.

    When all is said & done, my home will be a healthier place to live; the anger & sickness is being removed.

    Saying all that, husband always made me feel very special on Mother's Day. I spent so much time complaining about husband here that I rarely shared the things that made him special to me; the love he felt for his family.

    I hate addiction ~ husband stopped fighting.

    Thanks for listening ~ I think I'll take the rest of the day to paint. Maybe I'll do some masterpiece.
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Linda}}} Sending big giant hugs to you, Linda. I'm so sorry that this day is causing you so much pain.

    Taking it easy on yourself and spending the day painting sounds lovely and relaxing - a way to tap into yourself. Post again and let us know how you're doing, please.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    sending you alot of hugs. it is to be expected and i'm quite sure that husband did alot of wonderful things for you, we tend to always share our rough points to get support through them. I do it too alot lol.

    You are a very special person, and i'm sure today that you will complete some sort of masterpiece. do something special for you also, maybe a warm bubble bath a cup of tea outside.

    we might not be "physically" with you today but we're with you where it counts.

  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I am sorry! You are facing Mother's Day with the reality of life. Hard to take the break from struggles and enjoy it. I hope the painting will bring you back to the good side of the day.
  5. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Ahh, Linda, maybe this isn't the best day to be ridding of H's things. Paint. Put on some nice music, maybe a glass of wine and enjoy.

    I understand your sadness when traditions go by. I recently had my birthday in March and the only people who remembered were you guys (not that you're insignificant by any means), my daughter and the rogue guys I was living with. Nutty crew. Not H, not my sons, not my parents. Maybe that accounts for the late night sloshing of myself wallowing in a pity party.:sad-very:

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Linda, my thoughts are with you on this day. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. There but by the grace of God go I. It is so hard for others who haven't dealt with the addictions of a spouse. You alone know the goodness hidden beneath the drama and the behaviors. Right now, mine is choosing not to use. At least, I think so. But the anvil is always overhead. And you're never quite sure if and when the illness will reveal itself again. It is tough. Hugs. Do something extra special for yourself. You deserve it.
  7. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    I think you are a great mom, Linda. Happy mother's day.

  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) Painting is good. So are movies. It seems many of us are a little less than over-joyed today- I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad to see that you are thinking about some things to be grateful for though and keeping constructive ideas.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Hugs, Linda.

    I wish you bluebirds in the spring
    To give your heart a song to sing
    And then a kiss
    But more than this
    I wish you love

    And in July a lemonade
    To cool you in some leafy glade
    I wish you health
    And more than wealth
    I wish you love

    My breaking heart and I agree
    That you and I could never be
    So with my best, my very best
    I set you free

    I wish you shelter from the storm
    A cozy fire to keep you warm
    But most of all
    When snowflakes fall
    I wish you love

    I wish you shelter from the storm
    A cozy fire to keep you warm
    But most of all
    When snowflakes fall
    I wish you love

    God bless your heart. You are a most special lady.
  11. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Sending you warm hugs, Linda. I'm sorry today isn't a better day for you.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry this is such a difficult day. Sending the most gentle of hugs you way my friend.
  13. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Hugs, I hope you got the opportunity to do some painting. I think they are all masterpieces.

  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    More hugs. Hope the painting went well.
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Ladies, it was a difficult day ~ the hardest since husband died. I apologize for not getting back here. I spent the day in emotional turmoil but I survived the day & feel stronger. Grief is such a personal yet cleansing process. I see my therapist this week (thank goodness) right before golf.

    Can you think of a more therapeutic day? :bigsmile: The weather promises to be beautiful Thursday & I'm praying it remains that way.