So difficult child 2 has been back at public school since early Sept. Previous 2 years HSing due to physical health issues.
He is holding it together at school. Some classes doing OK other's not so OK but no serious behavior issues at school.
Home is another deal entirely. Last weekend saw close to full blown mania from him. Three major melt downs in 2 weeks.
After school some days are fairly OK others not so OK.
Today he has been really ODD and clearly wired up. Only wants to play his video games - his main self-soothing method.
So I asked him at lunch if it seemed to him that he was a lot more irritable at home than at school and he said yes. I asked if he had any ideas about why that was so. He said he didn't have time to think or feel at school - too busy.
At home he says he's bored and there's nothing to do and that's why he's irritable.
So, I say, if we had regular schedule and lots of things to keep you busy you wouldn't be irritable on the weekends? No he says. You mean 1 hour of chores then a half hour of skateboarding and then 2 hours of chores and on and on. I only like it when I can spend time with L (his only friend).
I point out that he has never been asked to do more than an hour of chores total in a given day. He of course sees it differently.
I point out that it might not be very realistic to depend completely on L for company especially since L spends every other weekend at his Dad's and Dad keeps L to himself those weekends.
At this point difficult child 2 abruptly gets up and announces he won't talk about this anymore.
So I am trying to figure this out. difficult child 2 has resisted every attempt we have made to impose a schedule or order to his time on the weekends. Imposing a predictable schedule resulted in major melt downs which we saw as counterproductive after a few weeks of them. So we went back to a looser routine that difficult child 2 still resists but doesn't lead to nuclear explosions every weekend.
I think a big part of his ability to hold it together at school is social in a weird sort of way. Having a bunch of other kids around all doing the same thing makes him feel like he's not alone even when none of them are becoming his friends. He has the illusion of company without most of the demands of real interaction.
I think school is also stressful to him because of the pace and the expectations. His science teacher has asked for the 2nd conference in 3 weeks with me cause he's getting a D in her class. Even though he tested proficient last year in Language Arts he doesn't want to be moved from the Special Education language arts class to a regular one. His twin who almost tested proficient but missed it by a couple points, has flown that nest big time and struck out in regular ed.
His transition IEP is coming up in less than 2 weeks and I am trying to figure all this out because having him be OK at school and be in major melt down at home is not OK. But I know that as long as he's appearing to do OK at school, school is not going to see it as their problem.
I'm struggling with my own BiPolar (BP) right now and feel like I just can't get a handle on all of this. Is there something I should be asking to be done differently at school? Should I be trying to enroll him in every activity I can find on the weekends? When I suggest the later or have tried that it lead to major melt downs in the past.
I have found myself wishing he would blow up at school too in the past few days. Not sure what I think that would get me except trouble but I can't shake the feeling that things would be different if he were in a therapeutic school placement where there was a lot more supervision and direct instruction in self-management and social interactions. And you know I'm not going to get that kind of placement for him when he's "fine" at school unless we end up hospitalizing him and we get him a temporary placement on discharge. Again I'm not sure why I think a therapeutic school placement would help reduce the melt downs at home.
Any suggestions oh wise ones?
He is holding it together at school. Some classes doing OK other's not so OK but no serious behavior issues at school.
Home is another deal entirely. Last weekend saw close to full blown mania from him. Three major melt downs in 2 weeks.
After school some days are fairly OK others not so OK.
Today he has been really ODD and clearly wired up. Only wants to play his video games - his main self-soothing method.
So I asked him at lunch if it seemed to him that he was a lot more irritable at home than at school and he said yes. I asked if he had any ideas about why that was so. He said he didn't have time to think or feel at school - too busy.
At home he says he's bored and there's nothing to do and that's why he's irritable.
So, I say, if we had regular schedule and lots of things to keep you busy you wouldn't be irritable on the weekends? No he says. You mean 1 hour of chores then a half hour of skateboarding and then 2 hours of chores and on and on. I only like it when I can spend time with L (his only friend).
I point out that he has never been asked to do more than an hour of chores total in a given day. He of course sees it differently.
I point out that it might not be very realistic to depend completely on L for company especially since L spends every other weekend at his Dad's and Dad keeps L to himself those weekends.
At this point difficult child 2 abruptly gets up and announces he won't talk about this anymore.
So I am trying to figure this out. difficult child 2 has resisted every attempt we have made to impose a schedule or order to his time on the weekends. Imposing a predictable schedule resulted in major melt downs which we saw as counterproductive after a few weeks of them. So we went back to a looser routine that difficult child 2 still resists but doesn't lead to nuclear explosions every weekend.
I think a big part of his ability to hold it together at school is social in a weird sort of way. Having a bunch of other kids around all doing the same thing makes him feel like he's not alone even when none of them are becoming his friends. He has the illusion of company without most of the demands of real interaction.
I think school is also stressful to him because of the pace and the expectations. His science teacher has asked for the 2nd conference in 3 weeks with me cause he's getting a D in her class. Even though he tested proficient last year in Language Arts he doesn't want to be moved from the Special Education language arts class to a regular one. His twin who almost tested proficient but missed it by a couple points, has flown that nest big time and struck out in regular ed.
His transition IEP is coming up in less than 2 weeks and I am trying to figure all this out because having him be OK at school and be in major melt down at home is not OK. But I know that as long as he's appearing to do OK at school, school is not going to see it as their problem.
I'm struggling with my own BiPolar (BP) right now and feel like I just can't get a handle on all of this. Is there something I should be asking to be done differently at school? Should I be trying to enroll him in every activity I can find on the weekends? When I suggest the later or have tried that it lead to major melt downs in the past.
I have found myself wishing he would blow up at school too in the past few days. Not sure what I think that would get me except trouble but I can't shake the feeling that things would be different if he were in a therapeutic school placement where there was a lot more supervision and direct instruction in self-management and social interactions. And you know I'm not going to get that kind of placement for him when he's "fine" at school unless we end up hospitalizing him and we get him a temporary placement on discharge. Again I'm not sure why I think a therapeutic school placement would help reduce the melt downs at home.
Any suggestions oh wise ones?