juliabohemian
New Member
This is my first post here, so I realize that this is probably disgustingly rhetorical.
Allow me to explain. I'm a 31 year old mother of two. I have Adhd, depression and a borderline personality disorder of my own. My almost 8 year old daughter has severe Adhd with ODD. My husband and 5 year old daughter appear to be mentally unafflicted. My husband is supportive to some extent. His belief is that people can be scared and threatened into obedience, which works only on a very limited basis.
It started when she was two and a half with violent outbursts. I knew when she pulled her newborn baby sister off of the couch that something was wrong. That and she never slept for more than a few hours at a time. Forget about spanking her -she caused me more physical harm. Breaks everything she touches and has no concept of boundaries. She always acts so shocked, like she really had no idea that she wasn't supposed to do that, even though she's been told 500 times before.
Her sister is fed up with her. She's only five and she's looked at me desperately before and said "can you just make her shut up?" Sorry -I tell her. If I could do that, I'd have done it already.
She takes anything she wants, whether it belongs to her or not. She has no qualms about taking her sister's toys and breaking them or even taking my or my husband's things. When we question her about it, she feigns ignorance.
At the moment she's in her room, screaming at the top of her lungs and bashing...something. Who cares now, since all of her toys are destined to be destroyed eventually. This is because she disappeared down the street with her sister's scooter (again) and I had to go looking for her (again) She claims to have no memory of this incident, even though I physically saw her with my own eyes.
Yesterday she stole money out of my wallet and bribed a neighbor kid out of his toys. Luckily his mother overheard this and intercepted my cash. All the while my daughter acts like she has no idea what the problem is. In the end, I'm the bad guy because I'm making her stay in her room/go without television/lose her outside privilege. She'll scream like she's the victim "please give me one more chance." I'm thinking that I'm the victim in this scenario.
Then she lies -right to my face and with no remorse. I can offer her CSI style evidence, labeled and bagged and she'd still deny any involvement. She'd let her sister take the blame and not even blink.
I don't even like her anymore. I wish someone would take her off my hands. I used to feel like that would make me a failure as a parent, but I passed caring about that sometime last year when she cut holes in all of the screens in our house and I found her climbing on top of the neighbor's car. She's on Risperdal and Adderall. We can't afford actual therapy for her, although I'm not sure how much it would help. Sad thing is that she does fine at school. Her IQ and test scores are way above normal. There's nothing wrong with her intelligence. Her behavior is at its worst when she's at home and especially when she's on a break from school.
Do I have options here? Is there someplace I can send this kid where they can handle her better than I can? I'm done having my life rearranged by this. I want my life back.
Allow me to explain. I'm a 31 year old mother of two. I have Adhd, depression and a borderline personality disorder of my own. My almost 8 year old daughter has severe Adhd with ODD. My husband and 5 year old daughter appear to be mentally unafflicted. My husband is supportive to some extent. His belief is that people can be scared and threatened into obedience, which works only on a very limited basis.
It started when she was two and a half with violent outbursts. I knew when she pulled her newborn baby sister off of the couch that something was wrong. That and she never slept for more than a few hours at a time. Forget about spanking her -she caused me more physical harm. Breaks everything she touches and has no concept of boundaries. She always acts so shocked, like she really had no idea that she wasn't supposed to do that, even though she's been told 500 times before.
Her sister is fed up with her. She's only five and she's looked at me desperately before and said "can you just make her shut up?" Sorry -I tell her. If I could do that, I'd have done it already.
She takes anything she wants, whether it belongs to her or not. She has no qualms about taking her sister's toys and breaking them or even taking my or my husband's things. When we question her about it, she feigns ignorance.
At the moment she's in her room, screaming at the top of her lungs and bashing...something. Who cares now, since all of her toys are destined to be destroyed eventually. This is because she disappeared down the street with her sister's scooter (again) and I had to go looking for her (again) She claims to have no memory of this incident, even though I physically saw her with my own eyes.
Yesterday she stole money out of my wallet and bribed a neighbor kid out of his toys. Luckily his mother overheard this and intercepted my cash. All the while my daughter acts like she has no idea what the problem is. In the end, I'm the bad guy because I'm making her stay in her room/go without television/lose her outside privilege. She'll scream like she's the victim "please give me one more chance." I'm thinking that I'm the victim in this scenario.
Then she lies -right to my face and with no remorse. I can offer her CSI style evidence, labeled and bagged and she'd still deny any involvement. She'd let her sister take the blame and not even blink.
I don't even like her anymore. I wish someone would take her off my hands. I used to feel like that would make me a failure as a parent, but I passed caring about that sometime last year when she cut holes in all of the screens in our house and I found her climbing on top of the neighbor's car. She's on Risperdal and Adderall. We can't afford actual therapy for her, although I'm not sure how much it would help. Sad thing is that she does fine at school. Her IQ and test scores are way above normal. There's nothing wrong with her intelligence. Her behavior is at its worst when she's at home and especially when she's on a break from school.
Do I have options here? Is there someplace I can send this kid where they can handle her better than I can? I'm done having my life rearranged by this. I want my life back.