toughlovin
Well-Known Member
So as you may remember my son is in this wonderful program that is really dual diagnosis mental health and substance abuse. It is a different model than most.... he is in their outpatient program and they continue to work with them where they are even if they relapse etc...... so one of the things they do is that my son needs to check in with them regularly and if he doesnt they go to his apartment and check on him. This gives us a great deal of peace of mind.... given his drug use and at times suicide talk.....so recently they showed up and he got mad and egged their car. Really this is the behavior of a 27 year old. HE did go and clean it up, but honestly I was rather disgusted and appalled. So the latest thing is he wants to set up a no tresspass order so they cant come over (wont work since myh husband is on the lease) and limit the amount of contact he has with them. We are not happy about this whole development.
In other ways he seems to be doing well.... he has started classes..... seems to be sober (we hope). But he was supposed to see up tonight and blew us off so it is all kind of questionable.
Clearly we need to have a conversation with him about it all. And I keep reminding myself that the last thing I want to do is to get into a power struggle with him over this. This is our pattern... I point out that we are paying rent, etc. (essentiallyh we are in control), he then escalates, I escalate, he escalates and we end up in a total power struggle and get no where. We have done this dance for years. I know I dont wnat to do this. I am learning.... of course in the middle of the conversation I am likely to get triggered and it all goes out the window because I get so frustrated.
So I am trying to think about my bottom line.Basically what I think I am coming to..... is how much treatment he gets, how much therapy he gets, how much interaction day to day, how much support he gets is kind of up to him. I really dont think I can direct that. What I do need is that when we or they dont hear from him, and os are concerned about hi ssafety, they need to be able to check in with him... and if he doesnt respond they need to be able to go check on him. If they dont do that, it means we would have to callt the police to do a well being vheck on him which is a lot more traumatic for everyone. There is plenty of past reasons for us to want this.... things he has done to give us reasons for this.
Thoughts?
TL
In other ways he seems to be doing well.... he has started classes..... seems to be sober (we hope). But he was supposed to see up tonight and blew us off so it is all kind of questionable.
Clearly we need to have a conversation with him about it all. And I keep reminding myself that the last thing I want to do is to get into a power struggle with him over this. This is our pattern... I point out that we are paying rent, etc. (essentiallyh we are in control), he then escalates, I escalate, he escalates and we end up in a total power struggle and get no where. We have done this dance for years. I know I dont wnat to do this. I am learning.... of course in the middle of the conversation I am likely to get triggered and it all goes out the window because I get so frustrated.
So I am trying to think about my bottom line.Basically what I think I am coming to..... is how much treatment he gets, how much therapy he gets, how much interaction day to day, how much support he gets is kind of up to him. I really dont think I can direct that. What I do need is that when we or they dont hear from him, and os are concerned about hi ssafety, they need to be able to check in with him... and if he doesnt respond they need to be able to go check on him. If they dont do that, it means we would have to callt the police to do a well being vheck on him which is a lot more traumatic for everyone. There is plenty of past reasons for us to want this.... things he has done to give us reasons for this.
Thoughts?
TL