It goes on and on again............

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mollyzuzu, Sep 14, 2017.

  1. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Hi all, son came home from state mental institute back August 27. He is not happy, very ornery, angry and WANTS his liberty, freedom, independance what have you. I have taken him to the hospital for overdoses of Coricidan both last Tuesday and this Tuesday. Due to my begging and ranting, the state finally put him in an inpatient program that will only last for 7-10 days. We are asking for Residential treament somewhere, anywhere to keep him safe, goodness knows we cannot keep him safe. AODA therapist says "he needs to learn on his own, his actions" he cannot be locke up agains his will, he needs to make some choices for himself. WTF????

    I am just beside myself. I am tired and exhausted. Inpaitent hospital would not let him come from Childrens hospital until 12:00AM and I did not get home until 2:30AM.

    I am just so tired of all this, I wished the state could take over, he does have a court order for the next year, why don't they just put him away for awhile?
     
  2. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I'm sorry for your exhaustion. I don't know this boys's circumstances or the state system, so I don't have anything practical to offer. I hope you can find some emotional distance. It's so hard when you're the parent, but when they are acting more like patients, then approaching them with some professional detachment is safer for your soul.
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Molly, I don't remember - how old is your son? Unfortunately, many states legally allow the kids to make their own decisions about receiving mental health treatment at very young ages - IIRC, California's is 12. I'm so happy that Miss KT never learned that. Things could have been much worse around here.

    I hope you're able to get something concrete into place for your son, and also for the rest of the family. Hugs.
     
  4. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Well, had a meeting of the social workers and court social worker today. Son is in intensive inpatient right now for 7 to 10 day after last hospitalization for over drug use. Consensus is that he will go to residential rehab, if he,agrees afterwards. If he does not agree, he will go to a therapeutic foster home until we all can learn to live healthier together. Makes me feel like a total failure. But deep down I know it's the drugs that have made this mental illness so much worse. I am feeling conflictrd right now as son will not be returning home for a very long time and not sure how he will handle foster care, but as the social worker put it to me, what's my worry? I cannot handle him anymore so let the specialists try. I just hope he doesn't give up hope while in the foster home set up. So sad.

    Our state the,age is,14 where they can make their own decisions. And he is starting to exercise his rights. It wasn't until about 6 months ago that he learned up in the mental hospital that he could say " no".
     
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Hi, Molly. I recommend that you attach a signature to your posts. It will help everyone to remember who you are and that your son is 15. You are not a failure. Sometimes no amount of love will help our children. I know you need a respite from this madness, and I think having him go to either rehab or a therapeutic foster home for now is what you need.

    Please go easy on yourself. This has been long, difficult journey for you. You've done your best. He isn't responding to you. Let him experience some other living arrangements.

    Have you researched reactive attachment disorder?
     
  6. Beanner

    Beanner New Member

    I am so sorry you are here. I feel your exhaustion. I actually think that is a horrible thing to say as a a social worker.. I don't have much advice but my thoughts are with you
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would not go through those years of my difficult child's life again if you paid me a billion dollars. I could not handle my son in our home either. I had it all arranged for my son to go to a boy's home and then my parents wanted to try to turn him around. So I let them. None of us know what they did, other than not strangle him. Someone we are 12 years later and he is a joy and a delight. So it can get better.

    Let someone else do the heavy lifting. Let him see that you are not the only one with the unreasonable demands that he take a shower when he stinks and that he take his dishes to the kitchen and that he do a few basic chores, and that thinks saying "good morning" is not child abuse. Or that thinks taking drugs is not socially acceptable or healthy.

    Take the time to get some therapy, to try a new hobby, to recharge your batteries and to learn to sleep through the night again. Rest and let someone else do the work. It doesn't mean you love him any less. Trust me, I know.
     
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  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Piglets I Need Respite!!! Ureka! We all do. Bless all of us in this crazy mire.
     
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  9. musiclady

    musiclady New Member

    sounds horrible.
     
  10. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Hi all, not sure what to say. son was in hospital twice in the last two and half weeks, then sent to intensive inpatient for 8 days. Came out Saturday night and plans were to go to a rehab. BUT, now the rehab wants more info after doing assessement with son on Sunday morning, may be too much for them. Also need more medical documentation, always hoops to jump through, so tired. I was spoken to sternly for coming unglued while talking to a crisis worker, after all son will pick up on this and just because things are happening fast enough for me, does not mean they are not ahppening. I apologized, made nice and continued on. This is not going to end soon and I am not sure that I am up for this marathon. Son just does not seem to be budging, yes, I want things to happen faster, it has been 12 years already and getting worse!! Just yesterday we were on the way to the beach, warm day, and he tells me he wants to commit suicide. WHAT?? He has NEVER told me that before, told me he wants to go back to intensive inpatient, callled no beds anywhere!!! That;s where I lost it with the crisis worker. She was trying to explain that he may just be saying that in order to go back to the hospital. And I di dnot believe that AT that point anyway. Got to hospital t o pick up records that I need for rehab and ER nurse talked me into admitting son for suicide ideation. aye carrumba,,,, 6 hours later, he says he is HUNGRY ANS WANTS to go home AFTER he tells the social worker he is not safe at home and he does not like his parents, tears on that one. But it is what it is. So hunger gave in to him and the police did not end up chaptering him, we went home had TACO BELL, I slept with him in his room and here we are today, all alive, thanks be to god.
    NOw here we sit wating to hear on rehab and I am thinking I totally blew it with taking him to ER and now with the medical clearances they want, rehab may never happen. NOt to mention that the insurance complany will most likely only cover a few days and then pull the insurance. As it is, we will have to pay room and board. We cannot afford this stuff..... and not to mention it doesnot seem to work. I hate to stop and not try, because you never know when something is going to work, but I am really tired on nothing working.
     
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    My head is spinning just listening to the hoops and drama you are facing. Getting help just should not be his hard and yet it is.
    :group-hug:
     
  12. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Well, got off the phone with rehab place. This just might happen for real. Need to meet in person to.orrow to see son and figure out what they have to work with. Then the game plan is for son to go to a therapeutic foster home for step down after rehab. Guess we will need to go and visit and bring him home for weekend visits. Sounds so surreal to even think of visiting your own kid. Who knows he may very well like it there better, well see.

    Now all we need to do it pay for the room and board for the 30 day rehab. I am think I g insurance will pull out at 10 days anyway. We will need to bring son ho.e at that poi t. We cannot afford $1000 a day for treatment. Hope for the best I guess
     
  13. mollyzuzu

    mollyzuzu Member

    Side note, so is still very very moody and depressed. Wants to go off on his own, but I will not let him. He is not very happy with me. Oh well, he is,safe and alive. He actually locked himself in the bathroom this afternoon and turned the fan on to have a cigarette. Caught him and made him unlock the door. Rules are no smoking I. The house....period