It's been quiet for nearly two weeks now

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Scott_G, Oct 1, 2013.

  1. Scott_G

    Scott_G Member

    Because our spoiled brat man-child of a son has gone no contact. Two weeks ago Wednesday he shows up at our house uninvited with his 20 year old girlfriend in tow. She was positively high as a kite and probably been drinking too. She was being loud and obnoxious and it was getting on my wifes nerves. My wife asked both of them again if they were using drugs, and again they both insisted that they were done with it. So a bit later my wife was trying to get them to leave by telling them that she is tired and sore from doing a lot of housework lately. So the stupid 20 year old, who not even a half hour earlier swore she wasn't using drugs, offered my wife a couple of vicodin in exchange for some cigarettes. Well my wife completely lost it. Things got nasty quick. I also stepped in and told my son that he was NOT allowed to stop by uninvited, he was NOT to take things from our house. If he wanted something he was expected to ask, and he was no longer allowed to do laundry here since he has left his clothes either in the washer or dryer nearly every time. And just like the little brat that he is, he got all hurt and offended. Then his girlfriend starts going on about how we have no idea what it's like to be addicted. So he decides to strom off like a little baby, and on the way out my wife tells him that his girlfriend is no longer welcome in our home and not to bring her around any more.

    Since this little episode we haven't heard from him at all, and frankly I am thrilled. It has been a quiet, drama-less time where the wife and I haven't had any fights. Hopefully she is coming around slowly to the idea of detachment. She doesn't talk much about him and she said that she was tempted to call him a few times but resisted the urge.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Scott, thank you for the update. I'm sorry it's come to this, however, so often our adult kids push us to our limits and that's when we finally say STOP. I hope the calm continues. They test us to the max until we reach the end of our rope and put an end to their bad behavior and the bad choices which impact our lives. Sounds as if your wife has caught up with you now, good.
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Thanks for the update, Scott.

    None of this is easy. No matter how many stories we hear about what has happened to other parents or how they have handled it, we find ourselves so unprepared when the kids force the situation into something we never, in a million years, thought could happen to us in our own homes. There was one time when something similar happened with difficult child son, when he was addicted. While the woman (who was definitely, long-time addicted and way, way older than difficult child son) babbled on and on about how wonderful difficult child son was, difficult child son and then (temporarily) easy child daughter were going at it tooth and nail. husband missed most of this, as he had gone into the city to get money to give difficult child son. Oh, my lord it was a mess.

    Know what I did?

    Cooked and served breakfast. Matching napkins and everything.


    You believe it?

    The stranger things got, the more I tried to make things look "normal". In retrospect, it would all have felt less crazy had I cooked lunch, the second time I decided to cook my way out of that one.


    It was so darn crazy!


    It's never going to be easy or pleasant, with our difficult child kids. I know that pretty well by now. It still hurts though, and is so confusing.

    I am glad you posted. We may not be able to help in a concrete way, but we can share our stories, so you will feel less alone with all of it. Knowing we aren't alone, that we haven't been singled out somehow, helps me. I'm sorry this is happening at all, to any of us.

  4. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I was in some kind of a group and I felt comfortable enough to say I was thinking of going no contact with my son until he was serious about getting help. At least five people told me there was no way they would ever go no contact with their child. I just told them, you've never seen what I go through each day.

    Some of my family didn't understand so I evaded the questions. Hubby is not bio dad and didn't raise him so he is not emotionally attached, that helps me. His sister is the only other one I am honest with and girlie was harassing her too.

    I heard from my son a few weeks ago after no one knowing where he was for almost a year. I just left him a brief message on FB. I don't ask him questions 'cause he lies too much!

    I know this is a very difficult time for you and your wife. Sadly, I think when we have tried everything else, and nothing has worked, it's the only thing left to do.
    (((hugs and blesssings)))