Janet, how are you holding up?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by susiestar, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am worried about you with Cory heading off to jail. I hope you are not too upset (though what is too upset??) and that the rest of things are going well.

    Hopefully Cory will pull his head out and start acting right and staying out of trouble.

    Many Hugs,

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Im doing pretty good but he hasnt gone yet either...so who knows how I will feel then. We got Keyana from Wednesday till late today so he could spend some time with her before he leaves. I think that was a good thing. We will still get weekends with her even when he isnt here. Thankfully Momma wants us to be totally in the childs life.

    Cory is also spending as much time with his girlfriend as possible too. She stays here with him and I just assume she will continue living here. We dont mind and she is a really nice girl.

    As much as I hate to, I will probably go to court with Cory on Tuesday just to see him off. Im kinda hoping they dont cuff him in the courtroom because I am just about sick of watching that happen. We also told him that we will fix the phone so he can make calls home and make sure he has canteen money every week. Its about all we can do really.
  3. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I am glad susiestar posted about you now, Janet. It makes a difference, I think, knowing we are not altogether alone with our feelings when things like this happen to our children.

    I want to be there for you as you go through this. I believe every parent here feels the same way ~ it could have been any of our children, and any one of us may have found herself in your position.

    I will be thinking of you all on Tuesday.

  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I, too, will be thinking of you. I hope Cory goes into this with the feeling that he is "manning" up for his choices. Sometimes if we can get them to see that they must face the consequences, they will learn something from it. A big hug for you. I know how hard it is. been there done that--and earned the merit badge.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I will be with you in spirit on Tuesday. Hugs for your mommy heart (it never stops, no matter how old they get, does it?)
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have been thinking of you also. Somehow going to Court you never can prepare yourself because you never "know" exactly what is going to happen or how long you will be there or what mood the Judge is in.
    I've seen cuffs and ankle cuffs used on ten year olds around here. It makes me sick. My thoughts will be with you in hopes that it is quick and cleanly done .. and leads to some thoughtful results. DDD
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm joining the chorus too, Janet. Hugs to you the next few days.

  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Hugs, and many, many thoughts. It's a tough thing to see your child go to prison. Maybe this will be the one that makes a difference for him. Who knows.

  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Please call me if you need to talk. Even from the courtroom, the hallway at the court, or the parking lot. Even if you are crying. If you lost my #, I will send it to you again.

    You are SO not alone. We love you!

  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Janet, I can not imagine the pain of seeing your child in handcuffs no matter how much of a difficult child he is. He has to start getting things right in his head and make better decisions. He has a brain and he has you to watch his back and he owes that sweet baby a daddy who isn't a bad example.
    My mommy heart will hold a good thought for you and Cory.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and saying a prayer.

  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes Janet, we are thinking about you and cory. We will be here waiting. Hang in there.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone.

    [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I was doing ok with this whole thing...from when we learned about it last Tuesday until about 9 monday night. Thats when he came into my bedroom and just leaned back against me so dejected. He asked me if I was going to be glad he was gone and I about lost it. I told him we had been in this exact position of his being sent off someplace for the last almost 11 years of his life and it never got any easier for me to see him go. He just sighed and said he knows that. I told him if I could have changed him or stopped him from doing this ****, I would have done it long ago but that my efforts didnt seem to make any difference. I pointed to his chest and told him that the only person who can stop this ride is him. I hope this is what it takes and that I dont have to go through this anymore. He went and sat in the bathtub to take one last hot bath and he just cried and cried. It absolutely breaks my heart. I never wanted this **** to happen.
  14. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. As mad as they make us with their behavior---in the end they are our children. I never really understood the idea of unconditional love until I had a difficult child. It's easy to love a child who is easy to raise. But...to love a difficult child takes true unconditional love...They are people too. They make big mistakes and when they do a band-aid and a hug just can't fix it. Consequences are tough. It's just too bad that we face them just like they do.
  15. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Sending you some extra hugs. I hope you are hanging in there. I have some extra shoulder space if you need it.

  16. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    My Dear Janet, :(

    My heart is breaking for you, and for Cory. :( Our difficult children's are those that have to learn from their mistakes.... we can hope they learn anyway... My prayers are with Cory now, and you. You (and Jamie) were there for husband and I in one of our darkest moments and although I cannot help in this situation please know that you are all in my heart. :(

  17. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    You know, Janet, it took three stints in prison (not jail, or juvie or the many other things he had been in) and many other incarcerations for John to GET THE BIG PICTURE. Everything on me is crossed that it has happened this time, but the verdict is still out.

    Everyone's 'low' is different. He might have to take the walk of shame to get through this, but it will be better in the end. He just needs to make that walk.

    Hugs, and hope all works out well in the end.

  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My son is sitting in jail as we speak. He has been there since Oct. 07 for contributing to the deliquency of a minor and using a minor for drug activity. I cant believe it sometimes. He has been in jail before and to rehabs - what does it take? I keep thinking I know he needs to get out of there - he has been approved for drug court but it would not be in his best interest nor ours. He cant come back home to live right now - when do they get it?
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Probably one of the best things I ever got out of the multiple types of counseling sessions we did over the years is for someone to find their rock bottom. To a 'normal' person, it's not that deep. To someone who is drug addicted, etc....it's far lower.

    I think with John is was the ultimate cut-off with family and being in prison for the 3rd time. (In CA, he could have got life for that.) No money, no phone calls, nothing. He tried contact with grandparents, everything and got no response. I think it was then that he really realized he was alone in this world.

    Now, panic sets in as you realize this is happening. It can go one of two ways. He can take his life, or pull up the boot straps and work hard to get out of his situation. It's very scary to watch it happen.

  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I agree with you Abbey. I guess we are sort of lucky that Cory doesnt have the inclination to try to run from any of this. We are hoping that this whole thing has had somewhat of an effect on him. He really has tried to stay out of trouble (except the whole fiasco with the neighbor whose dog bit his baby) so maybe he is thinking.

    I dont count on anything though. His actions will just have to speak for him.