JoG - how are things with difficult child at her dad's house?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by busywend, Oct 1, 2007.

  1. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Just looking for an update! How is difficult child doing? How about dad? Is she honeymooning?
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Funny you should ask...I just posted above. Hmph.

    The honeymoon is over. She hates it and wants to come home. She still hasn't been able to secure a job, spends most of her days on line and my exh isn't really pushing her or holding firm (like he was in the beginning). He's fallen back into his routine and basically she's isolated and feeling stressed from being so. It's hard to witness. I talk with her almost every other day or post messages back and forth on Facebook.

    I miss her but I don't. My mom finally left yesterday, so it's only NOW that H and I are alone, truly. I woke up with a cold today so I am looking forward to really being alone and enjoying some REAL peace!!

    Her room is all ready for her should she come back home. She will be 18 in just under 3 weeks and she said that when she turns 18, she's coming back home. I'm somewhat okay with that, but there will be definite guidelines and the top one is she needs to work at least 30 hours a week if she's not going to school, which she is not. She will need to contribute to her auto insurance and save some money because her may not make it through the winter. She won't get her license back until Nov 3rd and she will have to keep her nose clean and out of trouble with the law...which means she should not hang out with some of the losers she was before she left (not likely). But, I guess we will see what happens.

    I pray to God that she is not pregnant. I am probably the only mother here who would take her down for an abortion if she is. I don't think I can support a pregnancy with my difficult child without wanting to blow my brains out. I'm just about done with parenting and if difficult child had a baby, I'd be starting over from scratch basically and I don't want that. Ugh. At least the guy she had sex with happens to be a nice, honest, working young man and I think they could potentially have a future together, but I'm sure he wasn't signing up for fatherhood when he nailed my daughter in his backseat, Know what I mean?? Sorry if I'm being too blunt, but I just can't believe this - I could have guessed it.

    So, how's that for an update?? lol.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Yeah, my difficult child hated it at dad's house - still does. I made her stay there for the year, but she was in school - and a different school district than mine was. I think it won't be long before my difficult child is with just me for the majority of time. I can feel things getting ready to blow with Dex.

    Anyway, I don't blame you one bit for the inability to help your difficult child become a mom. I do not know what I would do to be honest. Obviously, it is their choice, but not sure to the level I would help out if my difficult child had a baby. Even I, as a easy child, had to live with my mom for 2 years after difficult child was born. My mom still to this day reminds me of just how tiring difficult child was to all of us.
    I hope I never have to find out what I will offer in the way of help! I hope she is married before having a baby.

    I hope this for your difficult child as well.

    Isn't it strange how Dex won't even pay attention to your difficult child gettnig enough fluids as it is healthier for her with the medications? I get the same type of things here from Dex. For example, difficult child is on an antibiotic for a sinus infection. I had to call her morning and night to remind her to take it. She rarely gets her morning medications when she leaves for school from there. Just odd how they can be so uninvolved.

    Well, thanks for the update. Now I will look for the update to the update! LOL! Fingers crossed she is not PG!
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks busywend, it is encouraging to hear that I'm not alone.

    I don't think that difficult child hates her dad's house completely. I think she likes parts of it and is happy in some ways. But I know she misses home, her room, her bed, her pup, her friends, the food. At dad's however, she has a bit more freedom in regards to her cell and the inernet -

    Huh, I'm just tired so I can't wait to go home and crash. Thanks for the good thoughts & prayers.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Just a thought, Jo - the unemployment in our area is fairly high, plus I knew difficult child 1 would have a lot of difficulty getting a job, so I had a similar rule (for both my middle kids) - get a job or get studying. Preferably both. But I did allow volunteer work as an option also. And if there is no existing volunteer position, it is easy to make one - go visit the old folks' home, for example, at least once a week, preferably more often. Go weed the garden, go walk people's dogs, go do the shopping, the washing, the cooking, the cleaning. But a volunteer position outside the home can still give a sense of personal pride in a job well done as well as a sense of being needed and useful. Without it our kids can lose themselves in despair and boredom.

    difficult child 1 doesn't need the money because he's on Disability. But he DOES need the work experience, the work ethic and to be kept busy. Currently he's actively looking for a job. It's not easy.

    Good luck with difficult child, I hope she finds this experience a wake-up call.

  6. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    That is a good point, Marg. I guess we've been so focused on getting her settled as a future college student/employee the HOPES that she would actually volunteer went out the window! All through Jr High and HS, we tried to help difficult child find something to volunteer for, but you know, she's always so resistent to anything we suggest so we stopped after a while. But maybe now she's ripe for new beginnings. I guess we'll see.

    Thanks, I'm leaving for NY in a short bit. Have a nice day everyone.
  7. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Jo,
    I know from your other thread about the pregnancy. Just wanted to say I support you and difficult child, no matter what the decision is and I sure understand you not wanting to raise another kid! My difficult child 1 was pregnant 3 times in the past yr--each time she miscarried and I have to say I was grateful for that. I knew I was not going to help her with a baby. The boyfriend has 2 children already and one lives with his exwife and one lives with his mom. I am sure he does not contribute to their support and he never sees them.

    Also, my difficult child 1 would never do volunteer work or get a job or go to school while she lived at home. It wasn't til she had to sink or swim on her own that she got a job. Working and earning money has changed her in a way nothing else could. She now has confidence and enjoys knowing she can take care of herself, that she doesn't have to depend on anyone else. I always felt that this would be the case if we could just get her going--but we were not able to get her going, only desperation did that.

    Good luck, Jo! Our dtrs seem so much alike...
  8. branbran

    branbran New Member

    You are not the only mother here that would take her pregnant daughter for an abortion, I would do the very same thing!!!! You do what is best for you and your family, no matter who disagrees with decisions you are forced to make. Only you can live your life. My 16 year old difficult child had a few pregnancy scares, and the first thing that came to mind was abortion. How in the world can a mentally ill teenager be a mother? My difficult child's therapist once told me that most of his patients are children born to teenager's with mental health issues. So why bring children into the world with all odds against them?

    Good luck. My prayer's are with you and your daughter., :smile: