Jumping right in here...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mandamama, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. mandamama

    mandamama New Member

    Hello everyone!!
    I am Amanda, I am the auntie to a recently diagnosed ODD and severe CD 6 year old boy.
    We don't know much other than whats been read over the internet, so some support and real life people to relate to, bounce stuff off of, and get some input from is wonderful.
    My sister, brandy will be joining in, likely tomorrow..:)
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hiya :) We need way more info to help you, but I can give you my two cents right off the bat.
    I would run (not walk) from any therapist who diagnosed a child that young with ODD and Severe Conduct Disorder (CD is usually not diagnosed until 18 or older and neither ODD or CD are very useful diagnosis.). Tell us a bit about this child. Has he ever been intensively evaluated by a neuropsychologist? That would be my very first suggestion. Here are a few questions that will help us help you.
    1/ Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the family tree? Any suicide attempts?
    2/How was his early development in these areas: speech, eye contact with strangers, cuddling, ability to relate to peers, large and small motor skills, pottying, any quirky behavior, can he transition from one activity to another without melting down, does he play with toys in normal ways? Now, at age six, does he understand how to socialize with peers? Is he appropriate? Does he know how to hold a give-and-take conversation? Do noises, textures, foods, bright lights upset him? Is he disoriented in crowds? Does he ever seem "out of it" then sometimes confuse you all by suddenly seeming very with it? How does he do in school academically?

    3/Is he a biological child or was he adopted? If adopted, at what age? Any in utero drug exposure?

    You may want to do a signature like I did below.
    Welcome to the board! :)
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Mandamama!

    You are a good auntie.

    It does help to read others stories. Please feel free to share a bit of what life is like with your nephew. Or maybe you let his mom share if she joins.

    Glad you found us!
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome-glad you found us.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, mandamama! I like your name!
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi! I just wanted to add my welcome and second what MWM said about any professional telling you the problem is severe conduct disorder for a child this age. Usually, behavior problems are a symptom not the cause and in order to solve the problem, you need to get to the real cause. Even if the problem can't be completely "solved", at least you'll know what is causing issues and get better treatment and supports at school, etc.

    Your nephew is lucky to have you be concerned while he's young and so much can be provided to prevent worse problems as he grows up and matures. It isn't easy or perfect- you'll find that if you search around other threads on this board. But, we just do the best we can and help our kids as much as we can.

    We will look forward to your sister's post!!
  7. mandamama

    mandamama New Member

    1/ Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of the family tree? Any suicide attempts?
    my mothers side has history of depression.
    2/How was his early development in these areas: would say speech was on a normal timing for a boy, eye contact with strangersif you are giving him trouble or tying to talk to him, he will not look you in the eye. however his father also does this, so wether it is learned or not...unsure, cuddling Liam doesn't really sit still long enough to cuddle, if you do, its very brief, , ability to relate to peers, large and small motor skills The kid is AMAZING with drawing and colouring, I think far beyond what his age really is...when he trys that is. as far as fine motor skills go, he can shred a piece of paper into a million pieces with his hands...and often does. he can use items such as scissors properls., pottying, any quirky behavior not much quirky, just ugh and I hate using this word...Bad behaviour, can he transition from one activity to another without melting down Depends if he wants to do it or not., does he play with toys in normal ways?Most times yes, he does become aggressive when playing with others, often, but them sometimes, he is just as gentle as a lamb. He can be a pain in the butt, or sometimes, like with my daughter, he can sit and have the utmost patience playing Now, at age six, does he understand how to socialize with peers? I do not feel his socialization is where it should be. he can tolerate people in small doses. although again, he has one "girl" friend he plays with, and they play very wellIs he appropriate?most of the time no.Does he know how to hold a give-and-take conversation?I think again, it depends, if it is something he is interested in, sure. if not..you are totally tuned out. Do noises, textures, foods, bright lights upset himnope? Is he disoriented in crowds?nope Does he ever seem "out of it" then sometimes confuse you all by suddenly seeming very with it?I personally have never witnessed this, but this is one thing his principal was EXTREMELY concerned about. How does he do in school academically?The problem is, he won't behave long enough to know. They have had to literally remove his entire class becuase he refused to leave the room. apparently he walks around backwards in circles over and over and over again, he will run through the class room and rip bulletins off of the board. He has physically assaulted a teacher, an EA and other students.
    The hard part is, and I expressed my concern to his principal about this too, is that now he is LABELLED so, are they getting the whole story to these incidents? he punches a kid in the stomach, but, what did that kid do to egg him on? I felt like sometimes, it was easier to brush him off as a disability, rather than LISTEN to him. She assured me that is not the case, but. its still hard.
    My sister has had problems since he was very young with fires. he would rip paper into tiny pieces, put it into a frizbee, got a chair, climbed on the counter, on the fridge, into the cupboard above the fridge, and got a childproof BBQ lighter, and light the paper on fire.
    he was maybe oh 3?4? when that happened.
    I didn't understand why is he SO much worse at school than at home, they told us it is becuase of the amount of structure, and the expectations placed on him.
    I feel as though the principal is VERY invested in helping my sister and her son making him healthy again.
    They are trying to get him into a local day treatment program, it is a school, that has the intense therapy.
    He comes from a broken home, with a father, who quite frankly doens't give a rats *** about him. he takes the boys...if they are lucky, on his weekend visits, which are spent at his mothers house not his, with his siblings and parents caring for the boys.
    there IS alot of deep rooted problems.
    It is SO hard to watch him go through this. It is even more hard to watch my sister go through this!!!
    she honestly, has tried everything we can think of.
    time outs, stuff taken away, talking, yelling, screaming, she has tried the boot camp method..nothing in his room but a bed, and some books, like, shes just at her wits end. she has been trying to get someone to helo him for a VERY long time. It seems as though she has found the right team.
    It is so hard to know, what is truth, and what isn't, I mean I can talk all day about a subject, but until I have livedit , I have no idea. know what I mean? that is what makes it so hard!!
    I can go on for days and days about the behavioural problems of Liam, and honestly, its been going on for a VERY long time.
    so...If you got this far... YOU ROCK and deserve a cookie! LOL

    3/Is he a biological child or was he adopted? If adopted, at what age? Any in utero drug exposure?
    he is biologically her and her ex husbands, no in utero drugs...
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'll take that cookie!

    Just wanting to jump in and add my welcome. I agree with the other that he might need a second opinion, and neuropsychs are the way to go. I would also like to suggest the book "Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It has saved many a mommy's sanity!
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you in the US?
    I would want him tested by a neuropsychologist for Aspergers/High Functioning Autism or early onset bipolar, but I think he has a lot of markers for Aspergers. That can look a lot like deliberately poor behavior. Of course, kids can have more than one disorder.

    I can't figure out by what you've said why on earth he'd get such a serious diagnosis like CD. I'd definitely toss that in the trash and move on. NeuroPsychs can be found, at least in the US, in university or children's hospitals. I'd start there. If you are outside of the US, well, both diagnoses, treatments, and places to get help are totally different. Hopefully somebody from your country posts here...
  10. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    just wanted to welcome you to the boards! ((HUGS)) to you and your sister, cuz lets face it, we ALL could use them.
  11. mandamama

    mandamama New Member

    We are in Canada, I am not sure exactly who did the testing, I know hes been to many of doctors and such.
  12. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    Welcome!! Wow your nephew sounds JUST like my son! Cole had the exact same problems in preschool except his school was NOT willing to work with us so they "kicked" him out:( We go next month for our testing so stay on here so we can compare notes later:D
  13. jal

    jal Member

    Welcome mandamama - A lot of what your nephew is exhibiting my difficult child also has (does) exhibited (minus the fire). So I can definately relate. My difficult child was orig diagnosis'd with ADHD and bipolar. Even with a neuropsychologist evaluation (done at 4 - a little early). My difficult child was just transferred to a theraputic school. He has been there 1 week. Already they are picking up on Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) / high functioning autism traits and are pushing for another neuropsychologist evaluation. I would definately be pushing for the neuropsychologist evaluation and as suggested stay away from the CD diagnosis as he is way too young for that. Keep us posted. Hugs.
  14. mandamama

    mandamama New Member

    That is one thing my sister is SO lucky about, her school is REALLY trying to work with him, and get him into the proper care he needs. They are pushing to get him into a special school, which we ALL think would be wonderful, I feel at that point, if there is a change in the diagnosis it will definitly be seen by the other professionals...
    It is SO hard for my sister to deal with this on a day to day basis, and have NO ONE that understands what she is going through..I try, but honestly, no one understands unless they are going through it themselves..
    I am so glad I have found this place!!
  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello mandamama and welcome!

    Where are you in Canada. If you're in the southern Ontario area, I might be able to point you in the direction of some resources that might be helpful.

    Please feel free to PM me if you would like more info.

  16. mandamama

    mandamama New Member

    I am near London, My sister however, is in the Niagara region.
  17. Mandy

    Mandy Parent In Training

    manda~ It is so great that you are being a wonderful support to both of them. I wouldn't have made it without going crazy if it weren't for my husband, mother, and sitter helping me through. It is so hearbreaking as a mother to know your child has a problem that you can't fix. It's also hard because you want the world to love your child as much as you do!! Keep supporting her and coming on here and learning. It will help her greatly in the long run if she has someone she can really talk to about it!! Kudos girl:D
  18. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I just want to add my welcome too. At the moment, I don't have anything to add to what the others have already said.

    Just want to let you know I'm glad you found us! WFEN
  19. brandy_Cosby

    brandy_Cosby New Member

    this is ur sis just seeing if my msg is going trough UGH!!! I hate the internet LOL