Just Because

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Pippin, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. Pippin

    Pippin New Member

    Hi I came back to update and my long-in info was gone so I'm here as a new person. Wish I felt like a new person but I don't.

    I was here in August after my then 19 year old daughter left college and a full scholarship and then left home after she received a BIG insurance settlement from a car accident she was involved in as a passenger.

    Since that time I texted with her just once and was told she choose not to talk to me. I have found out her address but I have just sat on this info. I know for a fact that she at least smokes pot because of stuff I've read on her my space. Her MS is private but I have found a way to read it. She talks about being zooted often and other's have said to her how are you last time I saw you you were zooted.

    She still must have lots of money left and is working part time at her old job. She was attending a community college for a few weeks after she left home but threw that away too. We are so worried about her but she's now 20 and we really know we don't have many options unless she asks for help. Her younger sister lives in dread of her returning home because she had become very verbally abusive to her and all of us.

    I guess I just came back here because I needed to tell someone how frustrated and bad I still feel 8 months later.
    Thanks for listening
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    It is hard to let go of your children, but when they are abusive to siblings and just generally nasty, life is easier to live apart. It is unfortunate that you parted with such feelings that she chooses not to communicate, but that is not something you can force......Hoping maturity will give her some perspective, sending you some peace......
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I certainly remember you - I was thinking about you the other day. Remember I'm the one with the little trouble making rat named Pippin?

    Ahhhhh so at 20 she's all grown up and zooting huh? Like that word - zooting. It's somehow more manageable than the truth. Was laughing about the MS page - you should see what a sexy young thing I am on MS - my son thinks I'm hot. lol. Yeah I'm hot alrighty.

    I'm so glad you refound us to vent and have a soft place to land. Battle fatigue is horrible. I think however at 20 if your at home daughter is worried about sis coming home - you should lay down the law and tell her that 20 yo sis is NOT ALLOWED to come back. She had her chance - and now must live her life.

    I know it took me a LONG LONG time to get to the point where I could convince myself that Dude no LONGER could be able to come home. I tried back in Sept - and OH what a mistake. He went to a group home that was bad - got into more trouble, now looking at 15 years for bogus charges - and living with a foster family. The sad part is I can only do so much. In that - I've found some peace with guilt and some peace without guilt. I'm trying to balance and regroup my life. Not having Dude directly in the picture was good - finding out that a stupid Moped ride at midnight can put him in prison for 15 years is not.

    I was so close......to peace. Now I just have to work on the part of me that says - LET IT BE WHAT IT WILL BE AND BE DONE WITH IT...and take my friends advice from the board and not worry.

    That's what has always kept me coming back here - it's like (swear) that show where you poll the audience for the answer - and majority rules most times. Sometimes majority is wrong - and learning how to trust it is hard. But it's a good group of very well meaning, and lovely people.

    Sorry to hear she is going through her money =too bad you can't figure out a way to get her to send you that money to hold for her. But she'll be sorry - the money will be gone - old age will set in - and things wont feel so great - and she'll find it hard to work and manage. I really hope she does well - just hard to understand.


  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Welcome Back Pippin!!

    Sounds like difficult child is going to learn some hard life lessons once that money runs out. Hopefully maturity will bring her around.

  5. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Pippin,
    my younger dtr needed strong reassurance that her older sister would never be allowed to live in our home again and I was able to state that this was true and mean it. The younger sis is in therapy due to issues of abuse from older sister but she couldn't even begin to heal til older sis was gone and she was able to believe me when I said she would not be coming back to live with us.

    In our case the older sister and the rest of the family are now on very good terms and younger difficult child is able to appreciate the things she loves about her older sister but I still would hold firm on her not being able to live with us. Luckily she doesn't want to--she has moved 3000 miles away and is doing very well with running her life at this time. We will gladly have her home for visits though if she wants to come.

    I'm sorry your dtr has cut you out of her life but please take care of her sister--her needs are what is important now.