Just can't get excited

[JJJ]

Kanga has been less than appropriate at our recent family visits (when the younger kids come). Two visits ago she screamed and yelled and refused to visit with them. We ended up getting the crisis counselor and Kanga and I met with her for over an hour and finally got Kanga to spend 10 minutes with her siblings.

The next visit was better but when Eeyore got agitated because he was scared (of her). She decided visits were stupid.

She tells her therapist that the visits don't go well cause she doesn't know who the kids are anymore cause they have changed a lot since she last lived with them almost 2 years ago. (Fair point). So, we are doing therapist-supervised phone calls with the sibs 1:1.

Of course, with therapist prepping her with a list of questions to ask the sibs (how was school? etc) and cue-ing her throughout, it has been fine.

The thing that gets me is after each one Kanga declares "I am proud of me for talking nice to them." Tone of voice like it is a big freaking deal that she can have a 5-10 minute supervised conversation without being inappropriate.

I'm sorry. I know that we need to take baby steps. Especially because funding is always tenuous due to quarterly renewals. But, seriously, I'm suppose to do backflips because my 15-year old can do this???

I really, really want to reply..."Kanga, this is a preschool skill. There is no room for pride in mastering this. This is so basic, it is pathetic that it takes TWO adults to make it happen for you."

 

[ML]

I am sending you great big hugs and prayers for greater strides in her progress. Hugs, ML

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Been thinking about you and Kanga. I see so many of the same traits in Tink. It is just so, so hard. Many hugs to you.

 

[timer lady]

Honey, I'm so with you on this. You have got to be so tired of guiding the almost adult/child thru the most simple of tasks.

I begin to lose my excitement over things kt &/or wm achieve or do because many times it's a life skill or expected in the community as a whole. No longer have the cheer leader uniform on & jump for joy because wm washed his hands.

I still consider this to be a good step; the more Kanga practices the more (supposedly) it should become ingrained.

Just curious, do you ever see Kanga ever being able to live unsupervised in the community?

 

[DDD]

I think certain difficult children (including one I raised) get praised and rewarded for remediation so often that they "see" praise and rewards as the end goal....not the learning of skills. Kanga evidently is parroting what she has heard from the adults using positive behavior modification methods.

Sadly it reminds me of an often repeated old family story about my eldest sister. She came home from her a birthday party and when asked "Well how was x's party?" Tish replied "I looked so pretty in my little blue dress."

The story was repeated with a smile for decades because it was so cute.Tish, of course, was three years old. Even though I have never raised a child with complex issues like Kanga..I do understand what you are saying sometimes it is just tooo much. Hugs. DDD

 

[JJJ]

Just curious, do you ever see Kanga ever being able to live unsupervised in the community?

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Today I met with the school and had a long conversation with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) case manager. The school is going to target her goals more toward functional vocational skills. What surprise me was for THE FIRST TIME EVER we had teachers state that her "emotional disabilities" have a negative impact on her education. In the past she was always perfect at school and they never wanted to admit that she had issues.

The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) case manager said the Kanga still needs an extensive amount of time there and that she is scared for us if Kanga is still like this at 17! She said that Kanga gets enraged when ever we have a rule (the current rule is that we will not change her goal to "discharge to apartment with 13 year old boyfriend").

She did say that she saw no reason that our funding would be lost prior to Kanga turning 18!!!! Let's hope she is right