Just numb

[Heavy hearted]

I have not experienced this particular type of great pain with my child.

But, I have experienced great heartache with her and found when I sort of “gave it over” to my Higher Power / God, I felt freer.

Maybe you can not do more. You can visit him if he goes to jail as appropriate. He seems to need to figure things out himself. A little boost here and there. A word of kindness.

Stay close to your husband and daughter. Be good to yourself. Seek counseling for yourself if you feel you need it. Keep praying.

Nomad,
Thank you for your kind words.
Son has a new charge. got arrested yesterday. When he was in prison last time, I kept a journal. I would write down my feelings for the week during his stay. He did read the journal front to back. In one paragraph, I explained to him that if he goes back to jail for ANY reason, do not attempt to call me. I cannot lose myself in his world anymore. This rollercoaster ride has made me sick and I want to get off. We have tried multiple times to help him get back on his feet. He will not except the blame for his wrong doings. "It's everyone else's fault" for the way he chose to live his life. The pain is real and I'm trying to keep from spiraling into a deep depression. I have already had to change my cell #, he's has called every chance he gets. I'm hurt, angry, sad and at a loss. I don't know all the details of his latest arrest, but it really doesn't matter. I can no longer be there for him. My husband urges me to seek help. I am so tired. I have not really cried a whole lot this time. My hope for him has been sucked down the drain. I will continue to grieve and pray for my living child. I feel for the sake of myself, my husband and my daughter, I can have no contact with him right now. My heart, body and mind are all working against each. My heart goes goes out to each and everyone of you asking for guidance from this site. God bless.

 

[Snow White]

Heavy hearted - I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It is hard to watch our children in difficult circumstances - that they have created. You are not the fault of his problems and have tried so many times to help him. It is mentally and physically exhausting.

My husband urges me to seek help. I am so tired. I have not really cried a whole lot this time. My hope for him has been sucked down the drain. I will continue to grieve and pray for my living child. I feel for the sake of myself, my husband and my daughter, I can have no contact with him right now.

You, your husband and your daughter may benefit from therapy (whether individually or as a family). We did that when our daughter was younger and I believe it was beneficial for our son. My husband and I are going back to therapy, as we continue in our detachment and try to move forward with our life.

Someone on this site told me, "Love from afar." In our daughter's case, this is what we need to do. It does not mean we have stopped loving her. It means that we need to keep a healthy distance in order to keep ourselves healthy.

Try to do something nice for yourself and your family. You deserve it.

Hugs to you.

 

[Copabanana]

Hi heavy

I am like you. I think a lot of when and if my son will feel empathy for me. I realize that this is a fruitless and painful endeavor. There is no right answer that will ease my suffering, because I have no control over the outcome. And surely, he has no empathy for me now. Nor does your own son, for you. I am sorry.

The choice point for us is, do we want to stay in this spot, located in them, or in us. Because we with our choices, to do something good, constructive for us or with our productive energy, can turn this around.

Prayer. Exercise. Creative work. Support and compassion for others. (Posting helps me.) Friends and loving family.

It is hard. Because we need to grieve. That is why this site is important to me because I can grieve and change in the same moment.

Take care. I am sorry.

 

[Heavy hearted]

You, your husband and your daughter may benefit from therapy (whether individually or as a family). We did that when our daughter was younger and I believe it was beneficial for our son. My husband and I are going back to therapy, as we continue in our detachment and try to move forward with our life.

mcdonna,
Thank you.
Today has been hard. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I hope to find the lost energy that has buried itself deep inside of me. I used to be full of joy, funny and so sure of myself. I have to find myself again. Hopefully in the near future, I alone (or with husband or with husband and daughter) can get to therapy. I really want to live and laugh freely again. From one struggling mother to another I am sending hugs your way.

 

[Heavy hearted]

You, your husband and your daughter may benefit from therapy (whether individually or as a family). We did that when our daughter was younger and I believe it was beneficial for our son. My husband and I are going back to therapy, as we continue in our detachment and try to move forward with our life.

mcdonna,
Thank you.
Today has been hard. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I hope to find the lost energy that has buried itself deep inside of me. I used to be full of joy, funny and so sure of myself. I have to find myself again. Hopefully in the near future, I alone (or with husband or with husband and daughter) can get to therapy. I really want to live and laugh freely again. From one struggling mother to another I am sending hugs your way.

 

[Heavy hearted]

Hi heavy

I am like you. I think a lot of when and if my son will feel empathy for me. I realize that this is a fruitless and painful endeavor. There is no right answer that will ease my suffering, because I have no control over the outcome. And surely, he has no empathy for me now. Nor does your own son, for you. I am sorry.

The choice point for us is, do we want to stay in this spot, located in them, or in us. Because we with our choices, to do something good, constructive for us or with our productive energy, can turn this around.

Prayer. Exercise. Creative work. Support and compassion for others. (Posting helps me.) Friends and loving family.

It is hard. Because we need to grieve. That is why this site is important to me because I can grieve and change in the same moment.

Take care. I am sorry.

Thank you Copabana
Your words are taken to heart.
Today, I can't even think straight. I know my choices are: try and get better or let this overtake me. I know the choice I prefer, but I'm running into difficulty getting there. Hopefully with time. this will become easier for me