Kanga attacked another girl

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Nov 23, 2009.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga was verbally inappropriate all day yesterday (threatening to run, profanity, etc.) Her therapist put her on a 1:1 supervision until bedtime. Kanga refused to participate in one of the group activities and then physically tried to attack a fellow resident. Staff intervened and restrained her, she tried to attack them. Once she had "calmed" they released her and she ran. But being in slippers out in the cold she didn't get far and they talked her back.

    As the staff was telling me what happened I could completely 'see' it as it sounded like the Kanga we lived with; one the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hasn't really seen until now.

    The therapist is suppose to call me this morning to determine the plan for reacting to this but I know I am canceling Thursday's family visit. I refuse to risk the younger children. (husband will still go so she gets her visit but I'm keeping the kids home.)
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Urgghhh.... any idea what brought all this on? I like the idea of you and the young ones not visiting, but husband still going.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Well, I suppose it's good they got an eyeful of the real Kanga. That can only help in her long-term treatment plan there. I agree it's a good idea to keep the other kiddos home. They don't need to risk it.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Is Kanga in a locked facility? How does her running affect her stay if she isn't? I ask because (two fold) 1. To prepare you for potential move to a locked facility if it is not because most places will not deal with runaways as the risk is too high for possible hazard to the child. 2.) If she is then this puts her at a different level and wondered how they intend on dealing with it where she is.

    My heart truly aches for you. I'm staying strong for you and husband because so many Thanksgivings I've been where you are right now and know how you and Kanga feel. Just know you are in my thoughts. All my love to our baby Kanga.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    At least Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is seeing the "real" Kanga. Pushing family visits is putting your other children at risk - maybe now they see that.

    I'm glad husband is still going to visit her. She needs some contact with family. I'm hoping Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will accept one from you then one from husband until a new plan is made.

    Take care, lady.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not



    This must be so hard for you--but at the same time, you must also feel "justified" in some way now that "your" Kanga, the girl you have lived with and tried to help all this time, is showing her true face. Hopefully, it will lead to a more accurate and appropriate course of treatment.

    I think you are right to cancel the family visit at this time--no point in stressing the little ones....or yourself. Try and get some rest if you can.

  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I hope now they go back and re-read all those notes where you told them this is how she is...and they react appropriately.

  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sadly there are positives to this. Kanga is now showing her problem behaviors. She has lost control over them and now the facility can SEE that she truly is doing all the things you say she is doing. Hopefully they will at LEAST keep her shoes locked up. It is hard to run away in the cold if you have no shoes.

    This can only speed up treatment for her real problems, even if it means a move to another facility. Moving to a locked ward is probably going to happen, but it doesn't mean she won't run again. It is just more of a challenge from a locked ward.

    I am glad family visits will be canceled for a while. I assume they will be, at least by you. Having you and husband alternate visits is wise. She still needs contact with the family but not with the kids.

    I know this is hard for you emotionally and incredibly frustrating because she is still so sick after so many treatments and so much time. Sending gentle hugs for you all.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs. Hopefully staff will have a better picture of Kanga, and can do more to help her.
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending gentle hugs your way. I agree it's good they are seeing this side of Kanga. I'm sorry things are so difficult right now.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    My guess is that without a firm discharge date, she can't fake it anymore. husband's guess is that there are more girls there than last year and she has to have a roommate and they have made the rules stricter since the suicide so that's bugging her. therapist's guess is a sexual attraction to a girl that is doing all these things.

    Kanga is not in a locked facility. This Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has multiple sites including a locked facility. Kanga's Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is in the middle of nowhere. She has to run about 2 miles to get to the nearest house and about 10 miles to get to any shops, etc. They do keep runners. They said that they only look at transferring runners to the locked site if they runaway overnight repeatedly or if the parents request it. Kanga never left the grounds of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so they don't consider it a 'full run'.

    Shoes and coats are locked up. It was about 35-40 degrees where she is and she ran in her slippers. I think that was a key factor in her returning :)

    Our current plan was a visit every other week with a Dad-Family-Mom-Family pattern. Yes, we didn't want to cancel everyone because she's been abandoned enough in her young life. But it is definitely too risky for the little ones.

    Yes, they are definitely getting to experience ‘our Kanga'.

    There are some staff that had minimal contact with her that she had completely fooled with her good girl routine that I am sure they are shocked.

    therapist called back and the clinical staff has officially suspended sibling visits until further notice. She also said that Kanga has been informed of that decision.

    Kanga is still being non-compliant and has refuse to complete her crisis workbook (a special packet where the girls have to work through what happened, why it happened and how they think they can prevent it from happening again). She didn't call me tonight. I'm not sure if she called husband as he was sleeping when I got home. I'm not sure if she's allowed to call us until she completes the workbook. I'll have to check with therapist tomorrow.

    While I hate that she is still so sick, I'm so grateful she is there and not here. I can't handle doing one more restraint " ever.
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I say amen, Amen, AMEN!!!
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called again. Kanga is throwing things at people, still making threats, profanity, refusal to comply to program rules, etc. So, they asked if we would be willing to cancel husband's visit as they want to put pressure on her to work with the program and get back on track. So no visit for Thanksgiving and sib visits and phone calls remain suspended indefinitely.

    I hope that this view of the Kanga that we know will help them help her.
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I hope so, too. :( It's too bad it coincides with the holiday, but you can give thanks that she is where she will be served best, and the rest of you are together and safe.

  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Two of Kanga's 4 hospitalizations have been in December. In 2005, husband had to stay home with then-11 year old Kanga because she declared that she would smash all of her cousins' toys. She was in partial for Christmas 2006 and in the psychiatric hospital for Christmas 2007. I'm guessing that she will be spending Christmas 2009 in a psychiatric hospital too :(

    It will be interesting to see how being in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) changes the pattern (last year she was okay). In 2006 and 2007 we saw increasing violence throughout Nov and into Dec and a homicide attempt around the middle of December each time.
  16. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I often wonder if these types of cycles can ever be broken. Maybe with enough time under the structure of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or even a lock-down facility if it gets to that point, she'll be able to break through this pattern. It may always be a struggle, but perhaps one day she will acquire the self control and self awareness needed to get through it. And obviously the right medication is a necessary factor in there, too.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Her first pull from birthhome to foster home #1 was in early November. I always think that is a factor.
  18. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That makes sense.

    So what do you have planned for the rest of the family this weekend? I hope you all do something fun together.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    They have needed her to do this kind of stuff so they can figure out how to treat her. Wiz honeymooned for longer than anyone they had ever treated. They actually thought that what they were seeing was all of it, and that we exaggerated the dangerous stuff greatly. Until that therapy session where I was pushing buttons.

    They can only address what they see. So this IS good, though a strange kind of good.

    I am sorry that this adds so much stress to the holidays for all of you.

    It is good that they take the shoes and coats away. And that they are isolated and experienced with runners.

    Lots of hugs.
  20. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Kanga honeymooned for 18 months without violence (it was 12 months without any issue).

    Course, Little Miss Split Personality is back, fine and "everything's great".