Tryintocope
New Member
Hi, I have been reading the posts on here off and on for about a week, since I stumbled upon the site googling what the doctors. have said is my daughter's diagnosis. I just wanted to talk about it to someone. This may be lengthy, I am sorry in advance.
Our daughter was always a difficult child. From birth she had colic issues, didn't take to daycare well, always fought with her brother, three yrs older than her, and could never seem to make any friends in school.
I tried to facilitate her having friendships as well as I could, enrolling her in summer activity camps when she was younger, signing her up for girlscouts, encouraging her to join clubs ( which she would never actually do), etc. She just never could bond with the other girls. She seemed shy when younger, and even when she got older and better at talking to others, she just never seemed to fit in, and other girls seemed to sense it.
She ended up having 1 friend in grades 3,4, and 5. That girl did have activities she was involved in, and they drifted apart in 5th grade. We moved when she started 6th grade, and she again had a very difficult time finding friends. It seemed as though the wrong sort of kids always wanted to befriend her in this new town- the skateboarding kids on drugs, the girls who dated those types, and other kids with their own problems like autism spectrum disorders, and other disorders as well. The thing about all of these kids though, aside from illegal drug use, was they were always getting into trouble at school, there was always high drama that had her getting into the car in tears when I picked her up at school, etc. Other kids, the "normal" kids, pushed her into lockers, or pushed her down in halls, watching her struggle to get back up since her backpack weighed as much as she did (she is tiny-fully grown she is 5 ft tall and weighs around 100 lbs, so in middle school she was smaller). My daughter talked to these (mis-fit?) kids because she said the others were mean to her and although she never did drugs with them or drank with them or the other things they did, she said she had no other kids to hang out with so she fell in on the "fringe" of this "fringe group".
I understood she was lonely, but tried to limit her exposure time to these kids, thinking they would influence her in a bad way. Regardless, my life became about fighting with the school about her being bullied at school, driving her to and from school because the kids on the bus called her names, having to become part time teacher because she spent so much time at home "sick".
She "hung out" at the park at times with the "fringe group" but didnt really fit in there either ( thank goodness, I think). She was afraid they would influence her to get into drugs or alcohol, so we had a secret code...when the bad stuff came out while they were "hanging out", she would text me. Then I would call her pretending she had to get home for some reason so she could leave and blame me.
Then in 8th grade she had an accident with a head injury, which necessitated her doing "home-hospital" thru the school. She needed physical therapy for a few weeks, and vestibular therapy, and had trouble with migrains and couldnt use computers for her schoolwork ( the schools had books online, etc) and so the school had her meet with teachers outside of school for her lessons.
This resulted in more bullying when it was time to return to school. Kids seemed to think she hadn't been having to do schoolwork while she was out, and said cruel things to her. This was close to the end of the year, so she hung in there, with no friends, until summer. I kept telling her high school was different, and things would be better. It seemed to bother her that the other kids did not seem to like her. She became depressed and anxious, not wanting to leave the house at all, even to get mail from the mailbox. She had mood swings with anger and at times violence. She had this prior to her accident as well, but not as often, and usually directed toward her brother or myself at times. She also became anorexic and at times bulimic stating the kids at school called her "fat" and made fun of her about her looks. (She is actually thin and beautiful)
As part of her followup after her accident, we were referred for neuropsychologist testing. The Dr had her take tests
all day, and had me fill out questions about her behaviors. They concluded she was showing narcissistic behaviors and conduct disorder, and told me to "run, dont walk" to get her into therapy. They told me her behaviors could get worse but therapy could help.
So I took her to what turned into 2 years of therapy. She never really "engaged " with the therapist though, and was put on paxil for her social anxiety.
She also had a very bad first month of high school, being called names and having only the "fringe group" to return to hanging out with, although they now seemed to reject her as well. I moved her to a private school we couldnt really afford for the rest of her first semester freshman year.
Again, she had difficulty making friends, but was able to find girls to eat lunch with, etc that did not do drugs etc. But the attachments just werent there again. The second semester we had her enroll in online school. She did well in the classes but said she was very lonely. Everyone she had ever talked to seemed to forget she was alive. By junior year, she wanted to try public school again and we could no longer afford the private
school. It was a disaster after a week with her having a panic attack at school.
Her depression had gotten so bad I was worried about her safety. She no longer wanted to live in the town we had moved to when she started 6th grade. She felt bullied and persecuted by the kids in town. My husband and i talked about it and we decided to look to elsewhere to relocate. He would stay behind until we were sure we liked the area. That way our son, in college in that state, had one parent close if needed also.
We decided to try a town in NV, since we had some extended family there. Within a few days she seemed to make some friends for in school, but was not asked to "hang out" after school with them. Again, she just didnt seem to fit in. After a few weeks, she began having issues with a VP regarding dress code ( her cold shoulder top was too revealing because it showed her shoulders, her keyhole back shirt revealed a couple of vertebre when her hair moved, etc) I had to agree I privately thought the VP was picking on her, but supported the school policies to my daughter. Then the VP called me in and seemed to pick on me as well, in front of my daughter, about her apparent disregard for authority. Things escalated, and I put my daughter back in online school for the rest of the year.
Since things didnt work out in NV and we didnt have any real ties there anyway, my husband and my daughter and myself decided to try once more to find her a better fit for senior year. Having more extended family in CA, and being where my husband was from, we decided to try there. My husband again staying behind in the midwest until we knew if we liked it, and to be there for our son, just in case. I found her a therapist and psychiatrist, who changed her from paxil to zoloft for depression.
This seemed promising at first, she liked her classes, and made a couple of friends the first week. I encouraged clubs, but she was not interested. Later on, I found out the "friends" were once again those on the "fringe" in the school. They smoked, drank even at school, and were promiscuous with boys. This time I found out after the fact that the kids succeeded in influencing our daughter, taking her to hooka lounges, getting her addicted to ecigs and even getting her to drink on occasion, which I found out later. I guess it was easier to fall into for her this time because now she was driving and could be out easier with these "friends". After a few weeks, she argued with these "friends" and the problem seemed to go away, but she
started missing school. She said it was because of these girls harassing her. With her medical history, the school agreed to let her do home - hospital where she went a couple of days a week and met with tutors the rest of the week. After a couple of months of this she began to refuse to go at all. I got the school to agree to let her finish out the year with the tutor alone helping her stay on track to finish assignments, but it was down to the wire as to if she would graduate due to her seeming total lack of motivation.
She started missing therapy sessions, again, also not engaging or telling the therapist everything.
She met a new friend during this time period. A boy in his first yr of college. His parents are divorced, wealthy, and throw money at him. He has total disdain for them. All of a sudden, our daughter starts with the "im 18, I can do what I want" stuff. She started hanging out with him ever night til 3 or 4 am. Cussing. Arguing more. Threatening to leave home if we tried to give her a curfew. Saying to me not to tell her what to do because that will make her do the opposit. Things got worse after she did graduate and turned 19. Now they stayed out all night, driving all over to fifferent cities, and putting themselves in dangerous places. They had a guy pull a gun on them in LA. A homeless woman tried to stick her with a needle. He obtained a medical marijuana card and started buying it for them to smoke while they were out driving. She told me she knew he was a bad friend. She said she wanted to enjoy her summer before college started, and she would stop hanging out with him when it did. She said she had no one else to hang out with at the present time and would get depressed if she didnt hang out with him. She has no romantic interest in him at all, by the way.
Toward the end of summer, I took her back to the midwest for a visit. I had to make alot of bargains to get her to go. I had to cancel reservations twice and make new ones because she would start a fight then refuse to go. Eventually i got her to go. While there for 2 weeks, no one would buy ecigs for her, so i think she has finally stopped those. As soon as we returned she started classes, and has not been able to hang out with that boy, although he begs her to almost every night. It is still a struggle to get her to get up in the mornings and go to class. There is always a verbal altercation when I try to get her to wake up for classes where she cusses me out and threatens to drop her classes if i keep "nagging" "because it will hurt you".
She was dropped from the english class for missing the first class. She has missed the first 2 biology classes due to asthma issues and he agreed not to drop her, but now she is trying to miss today as well, stating her sleep patterns are messed up and she is too tired to go, and i am afraid if she misses again the instructor will drop her from that class as well. I have been trying for 2 1/2 hrs this morning to get her to get out of bed and get ready for class and she just yells at me and cusses at me and asks if I'm stupid because I think getting there on time is more important than her shower/makeup ritual and her sleep.
She blames anything that goes wrong for her on others, wont take respondibility for her actions, refuses to help around the house, threatens to move out if she isnt allowed to act the way she wants, saying things like " i will move out and live on the streets and if i become a prostitute and start using heroine you will have to live with the guilt that it is your fault.
While visiting my husband, i had this feeling i couldnt let go of the idea that i wanted her old neuropsychologist doctors to re - evaluate her. She agreed to be retested as a "followup", but i had to bargain to get her to go, as she tried to start a fight the morning of the test to get out of it. Her doctors agreed it would be a good idea after i told them about some of her behaviors. After a full day of testing, and looking again at her prior test results, they diagnosed her with antisocial personality disorder.
Our daughter was always a difficult child. From birth she had colic issues, didn't take to daycare well, always fought with her brother, three yrs older than her, and could never seem to make any friends in school.
I tried to facilitate her having friendships as well as I could, enrolling her in summer activity camps when she was younger, signing her up for girlscouts, encouraging her to join clubs ( which she would never actually do), etc. She just never could bond with the other girls. She seemed shy when younger, and even when she got older and better at talking to others, she just never seemed to fit in, and other girls seemed to sense it.
She ended up having 1 friend in grades 3,4, and 5. That girl did have activities she was involved in, and they drifted apart in 5th grade. We moved when she started 6th grade, and she again had a very difficult time finding friends. It seemed as though the wrong sort of kids always wanted to befriend her in this new town- the skateboarding kids on drugs, the girls who dated those types, and other kids with their own problems like autism spectrum disorders, and other disorders as well. The thing about all of these kids though, aside from illegal drug use, was they were always getting into trouble at school, there was always high drama that had her getting into the car in tears when I picked her up at school, etc. Other kids, the "normal" kids, pushed her into lockers, or pushed her down in halls, watching her struggle to get back up since her backpack weighed as much as she did (she is tiny-fully grown she is 5 ft tall and weighs around 100 lbs, so in middle school she was smaller). My daughter talked to these (mis-fit?) kids because she said the others were mean to her and although she never did drugs with them or drank with them or the other things they did, she said she had no other kids to hang out with so she fell in on the "fringe" of this "fringe group".
I understood she was lonely, but tried to limit her exposure time to these kids, thinking they would influence her in a bad way. Regardless, my life became about fighting with the school about her being bullied at school, driving her to and from school because the kids on the bus called her names, having to become part time teacher because she spent so much time at home "sick".
She "hung out" at the park at times with the "fringe group" but didnt really fit in there either ( thank goodness, I think). She was afraid they would influence her to get into drugs or alcohol, so we had a secret code...when the bad stuff came out while they were "hanging out", she would text me. Then I would call her pretending she had to get home for some reason so she could leave and blame me.
Then in 8th grade she had an accident with a head injury, which necessitated her doing "home-hospital" thru the school. She needed physical therapy for a few weeks, and vestibular therapy, and had trouble with migrains and couldnt use computers for her schoolwork ( the schools had books online, etc) and so the school had her meet with teachers outside of school for her lessons.
This resulted in more bullying when it was time to return to school. Kids seemed to think she hadn't been having to do schoolwork while she was out, and said cruel things to her. This was close to the end of the year, so she hung in there, with no friends, until summer. I kept telling her high school was different, and things would be better. It seemed to bother her that the other kids did not seem to like her. She became depressed and anxious, not wanting to leave the house at all, even to get mail from the mailbox. She had mood swings with anger and at times violence. She had this prior to her accident as well, but not as often, and usually directed toward her brother or myself at times. She also became anorexic and at times bulimic stating the kids at school called her "fat" and made fun of her about her looks. (She is actually thin and beautiful)
As part of her followup after her accident, we were referred for neuropsychologist testing. The Dr had her take tests
all day, and had me fill out questions about her behaviors. They concluded she was showing narcissistic behaviors and conduct disorder, and told me to "run, dont walk" to get her into therapy. They told me her behaviors could get worse but therapy could help.
So I took her to what turned into 2 years of therapy. She never really "engaged " with the therapist though, and was put on paxil for her social anxiety.
She also had a very bad first month of high school, being called names and having only the "fringe group" to return to hanging out with, although they now seemed to reject her as well. I moved her to a private school we couldnt really afford for the rest of her first semester freshman year.
Again, she had difficulty making friends, but was able to find girls to eat lunch with, etc that did not do drugs etc. But the attachments just werent there again. The second semester we had her enroll in online school. She did well in the classes but said she was very lonely. Everyone she had ever talked to seemed to forget she was alive. By junior year, she wanted to try public school again and we could no longer afford the private
school. It was a disaster after a week with her having a panic attack at school.
Her depression had gotten so bad I was worried about her safety. She no longer wanted to live in the town we had moved to when she started 6th grade. She felt bullied and persecuted by the kids in town. My husband and i talked about it and we decided to look to elsewhere to relocate. He would stay behind until we were sure we liked the area. That way our son, in college in that state, had one parent close if needed also.
We decided to try a town in NV, since we had some extended family there. Within a few days she seemed to make some friends for in school, but was not asked to "hang out" after school with them. Again, she just didnt seem to fit in. After a few weeks, she began having issues with a VP regarding dress code ( her cold shoulder top was too revealing because it showed her shoulders, her keyhole back shirt revealed a couple of vertebre when her hair moved, etc) I had to agree I privately thought the VP was picking on her, but supported the school policies to my daughter. Then the VP called me in and seemed to pick on me as well, in front of my daughter, about her apparent disregard for authority. Things escalated, and I put my daughter back in online school for the rest of the year.
Since things didnt work out in NV and we didnt have any real ties there anyway, my husband and my daughter and myself decided to try once more to find her a better fit for senior year. Having more extended family in CA, and being where my husband was from, we decided to try there. My husband again staying behind in the midwest until we knew if we liked it, and to be there for our son, just in case. I found her a therapist and psychiatrist, who changed her from paxil to zoloft for depression.
This seemed promising at first, she liked her classes, and made a couple of friends the first week. I encouraged clubs, but she was not interested. Later on, I found out the "friends" were once again those on the "fringe" in the school. They smoked, drank even at school, and were promiscuous with boys. This time I found out after the fact that the kids succeeded in influencing our daughter, taking her to hooka lounges, getting her addicted to ecigs and even getting her to drink on occasion, which I found out later. I guess it was easier to fall into for her this time because now she was driving and could be out easier with these "friends". After a few weeks, she argued with these "friends" and the problem seemed to go away, but she
started missing school. She said it was because of these girls harassing her. With her medical history, the school agreed to let her do home - hospital where she went a couple of days a week and met with tutors the rest of the week. After a couple of months of this she began to refuse to go at all. I got the school to agree to let her finish out the year with the tutor alone helping her stay on track to finish assignments, but it was down to the wire as to if she would graduate due to her seeming total lack of motivation.
She started missing therapy sessions, again, also not engaging or telling the therapist everything.
She met a new friend during this time period. A boy in his first yr of college. His parents are divorced, wealthy, and throw money at him. He has total disdain for them. All of a sudden, our daughter starts with the "im 18, I can do what I want" stuff. She started hanging out with him ever night til 3 or 4 am. Cussing. Arguing more. Threatening to leave home if we tried to give her a curfew. Saying to me not to tell her what to do because that will make her do the opposit. Things got worse after she did graduate and turned 19. Now they stayed out all night, driving all over to fifferent cities, and putting themselves in dangerous places. They had a guy pull a gun on them in LA. A homeless woman tried to stick her with a needle. He obtained a medical marijuana card and started buying it for them to smoke while they were out driving. She told me she knew he was a bad friend. She said she wanted to enjoy her summer before college started, and she would stop hanging out with him when it did. She said she had no one else to hang out with at the present time and would get depressed if she didnt hang out with him. She has no romantic interest in him at all, by the way.
Toward the end of summer, I took her back to the midwest for a visit. I had to make alot of bargains to get her to go. I had to cancel reservations twice and make new ones because she would start a fight then refuse to go. Eventually i got her to go. While there for 2 weeks, no one would buy ecigs for her, so i think she has finally stopped those. As soon as we returned she started classes, and has not been able to hang out with that boy, although he begs her to almost every night. It is still a struggle to get her to get up in the mornings and go to class. There is always a verbal altercation when I try to get her to wake up for classes where she cusses me out and threatens to drop her classes if i keep "nagging" "because it will hurt you".
She was dropped from the english class for missing the first class. She has missed the first 2 biology classes due to asthma issues and he agreed not to drop her, but now she is trying to miss today as well, stating her sleep patterns are messed up and she is too tired to go, and i am afraid if she misses again the instructor will drop her from that class as well. I have been trying for 2 1/2 hrs this morning to get her to get out of bed and get ready for class and she just yells at me and cusses at me and asks if I'm stupid because I think getting there on time is more important than her shower/makeup ritual and her sleep.
She blames anything that goes wrong for her on others, wont take respondibility for her actions, refuses to help around the house, threatens to move out if she isnt allowed to act the way she wants, saying things like " i will move out and live on the streets and if i become a prostitute and start using heroine you will have to live with the guilt that it is your fault.
While visiting my husband, i had this feeling i couldnt let go of the idea that i wanted her old neuropsychologist doctors to re - evaluate her. She agreed to be retested as a "followup", but i had to bargain to get her to go, as she tried to start a fight the morning of the test to get out of it. Her doctors agreed it would be a good idea after i told them about some of her behaviors. After a full day of testing, and looking again at her prior test results, they diagnosed her with antisocial personality disorder.
