I hope they are wrong

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tryintocope, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Hi, I have been reading the posts on here off and on for about a week, since I stumbled upon the site googling what the doctors. have said is my daughter's diagnosis. I just wanted to talk about it to someone. This may be lengthy, I am sorry in advance.

    Our daughter was always a difficult child. From birth she had colic issues, didn't take to daycare well, always fought with her brother, three yrs older than her, and could never seem to make any friends in school.

    I tried to facilitate her having friendships as well as I could, enrolling her in summer activity camps when she was younger, signing her up for girlscouts, encouraging her to join clubs ( which she would never actually do), etc. She just never could bond with the other girls. She seemed shy when younger, and even when she got older and better at talking to others, she just never seemed to fit in, and other girls seemed to sense it.

    She ended up having 1 friend in grades 3,4, and 5. That girl did have activities she was involved in, and they drifted apart in 5th grade. We moved when she started 6th grade, and she again had a very difficult time finding friends. It seemed as though the wrong sort of kids always wanted to befriend her in this new town- the skateboarding kids on drugs, the girls who dated those types, and other kids with their own problems like autism spectrum disorders, and other disorders as well. The thing about all of these kids though, aside from illegal drug use, was they were always getting into trouble at school, there was always high drama that had her getting into the car in tears when I picked her up at school, etc. Other kids, the "normal" kids, pushed her into lockers, or pushed her down in halls, watching her struggle to get back up since her backpack weighed as much as she did (she is tiny-fully grown she is 5 ft tall and weighs around 100 lbs, so in middle school she was smaller). My daughter talked to these (mis-fit?) kids because she said the others were mean to her and although she never did drugs with them or drank with them or the other things they did, she said she had no other kids to hang out with so she fell in on the "fringe" of this "fringe group".

    I understood she was lonely, but tried to limit her exposure time to these kids, thinking they would influence her in a bad way. Regardless, my life became about fighting with the school about her being bullied at school, driving her to and from school because the kids on the bus called her names, having to become part time teacher because she spent so much time at home "sick".

    She "hung out" at the park at times with the "fringe group" but didnt really fit in there either ( thank goodness, I think). She was afraid they would influence her to get into drugs or alcohol, so we had a secret code...when the bad stuff came out while they were "hanging out", she would text me. Then I would call her pretending she had to get home for some reason so she could leave and blame me.

    Then in 8th grade she had an accident with a head injury, which necessitated her doing "home-hospital" thru the school. She needed physical therapy for a few weeks, and vestibular therapy, and had trouble with migrains and couldnt use computers for her schoolwork ( the schools had books online, etc) and so the school had her meet with teachers outside of school for her lessons.

    This resulted in more bullying when it was time to return to school. Kids seemed to think she hadn't been having to do schoolwork while she was out, and said cruel things to her. This was close to the end of the year, so she hung in there, with no friends, until summer. I kept telling her high school was different, and things would be better. It seemed to bother her that the other kids did not seem to like her. She became depressed and anxious, not wanting to leave the house at all, even to get mail from the mailbox. She had mood swings with anger and at times violence. She had this prior to her accident as well, but not as often, and usually directed toward her brother or myself at times. She also became anorexic and at times bulimic stating the kids at school called her "fat" and made fun of her about her looks. (She is actually thin and beautiful)

    As part of her followup after her accident, we were referred for neuropsychologist testing. The Dr had her take tests
    all day, and had me fill out questions about her behaviors. They concluded she was showing narcissistic behaviors and conduct disorder, and told me to "run, dont walk" to get her into therapy. They told me her behaviors could get worse but therapy could help.

    So I took her to what turned into 2 years of therapy. She never really "engaged " with the therapist though, and was put on paxil for her social anxiety.

    She also had a very bad first month of high school, being called names and having only the "fringe group" to return to hanging out with, although they now seemed to reject her as well. I moved her to a private school we couldnt really afford for the rest of her first semester freshman year.

    Again, she had difficulty making friends, but was able to find girls to eat lunch with, etc that did not do drugs etc. But the attachments just werent there again. The second semester we had her enroll in online school. She did well in the classes but said she was very lonely. Everyone she had ever talked to seemed to forget she was alive. By junior year, she wanted to try public school again and we could no longer afford the private
    school. It was a disaster after a week with her having a panic attack at school.

    Her depression had gotten so bad I was worried about her safety. She no longer wanted to live in the town we had moved to when she started 6th grade. She felt bullied and persecuted by the kids in town. My husband and i talked about it and we decided to look to elsewhere to relocate. He would stay behind until we were sure we liked the area. That way our son, in college in that state, had one parent close if needed also.

    We decided to try a town in NV, since we had some extended family there. Within a few days she seemed to make some friends for in school, but was not asked to "hang out" after school with them. Again, she just didnt seem to fit in. After a few weeks, she began having issues with a VP regarding dress code ( her cold shoulder top was too revealing because it showed her shoulders, her keyhole back shirt revealed a couple of vertebre when her hair moved, etc) I had to agree I privately thought the VP was picking on her, but supported the school policies to my daughter. Then the VP called me in and seemed to pick on me as well, in front of my daughter, about her apparent disregard for authority. Things escalated, and I put my daughter back in online school for the rest of the year.

    Since things didnt work out in NV and we didnt have any real ties there anyway, my husband and my daughter and myself decided to try once more to find her a better fit for senior year. Having more extended family in CA, and being where my husband was from, we decided to try there. My husband again staying behind in the midwest until we knew if we liked it, and to be there for our son, just in case. I found her a therapist and psychiatrist, who changed her from paxil to zoloft for depression.

    This seemed promising at first, she liked her classes, and made a couple of friends the first week. I encouraged clubs, but she was not interested. Later on, I found out the "friends" were once again those on the "fringe" in the school. They smoked, drank even at school, and were promiscuous with boys. This time I found out after the fact that the kids succeeded in influencing our daughter, taking her to hooka lounges, getting her addicted to ecigs and even getting her to drink on occasion, which I found out later. I guess it was easier to fall into for her this time because now she was driving and could be out easier with these "friends". After a few weeks, she argued with these "friends" and the problem seemed to go away, but she
    started missing school. She said it was because of these girls harassing her. With her medical history, the school agreed to let her do home - hospital where she went a couple of days a week and met with tutors the rest of the week. After a couple of months of this she began to refuse to go at all. I got the school to agree to let her finish out the year with the tutor alone helping her stay on track to finish assignments, but it was down to the wire as to if she would graduate due to her seeming total lack of motivation.

    She started missing therapy sessions, again, also not engaging or telling the therapist everything.

    She met a new friend during this time period. A boy in his first yr of college. His parents are divorced, wealthy, and throw money at him. He has total disdain for them. All of a sudden, our daughter starts with the "im 18, I can do what I want" stuff. She started hanging out with him ever night til 3 or 4 am. Cussing. Arguing more. Threatening to leave home if we tried to give her a curfew. Saying to me not to tell her what to do because that will make her do the opposit. Things got worse after she did graduate and turned 19. Now they stayed out all night, driving all over to fifferent cities, and putting themselves in dangerous places. They had a guy pull a gun on them in LA. A homeless woman tried to stick her with a needle. He obtained a medical marijuana card and started buying it for them to smoke while they were out driving. She told me she knew he was a bad friend. She said she wanted to enjoy her summer before college started, and she would stop hanging out with him when it did. She said she had no one else to hang out with at the present time and would get depressed if she didnt hang out with him. She has no romantic interest in him at all, by the way.

    Toward the end of summer, I took her back to the midwest for a visit. I had to make alot of bargains to get her to go. I had to cancel reservations twice and make new ones because she would start a fight then refuse to go. Eventually i got her to go. While there for 2 weeks, no one would buy ecigs for her, so i think she has finally stopped those. As soon as we returned she started classes, and has not been able to hang out with that boy, although he begs her to almost every night. It is still a struggle to get her to get up in the mornings and go to class. There is always a verbal altercation when I try to get her to wake up for classes where she cusses me out and threatens to drop her classes if i keep "nagging" "because it will hurt you".

    She was dropped from the english class for missing the first class. She has missed the first 2 biology classes due to asthma issues and he agreed not to drop her, but now she is trying to miss today as well, stating her sleep patterns are messed up and she is too tired to go, and i am afraid if she misses again the instructor will drop her from that class as well. I have been trying for 2 1/2 hrs this morning to get her to get out of bed and get ready for class and she just yells at me and cusses at me and asks if I'm stupid because I think getting there on time is more important than her shower/makeup ritual and her sleep.

    She blames anything that goes wrong for her on others, wont take respondibility for her actions, refuses to help around the house, threatens to move out if she isnt allowed to act the way she wants, saying things like " i will move out and live on the streets and if i become a prostitute and start using heroine you will have to live with the guilt that it is your fault.

    While visiting my husband, i had this feeling i couldnt let go of the idea that i wanted her old neuropsychologist doctors to re - evaluate her. She agreed to be retested as a "followup", but i had to bargain to get her to go, as she tried to start a fight the morning of the test to get out of it. Her doctors agreed it would be a good idea after i told them about some of her behaviors. After a full day of testing, and looking again at her prior test results, they diagnosed her with antisocial personality disorder.
  2. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Sorry for what is happening with your daughter. There is a think here nothing you could have done will have changed things sure the diagnosis is quite lazy well very lazy they just gave something that can cover a ton of other personality disorders.
    But if it what you think it is what could you have done?
    She could have become either isolated or with bad friends all are bad with different drawbacks but still equally bad. Let me tell you something many of them live productive lives so its not the end of the world.
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi Tryin:

    Welcome to the forum. I do not have any experience with antisocial personality disorder so don't have anything to offer BUT I'm sure folks on here do and will be along to give you advice.

    Being a parent to a Difficult Child is just tough. We get it. Just wanted to offer my support.
  4. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    When they told me their findings, I told my husband, and he said "what if she is just being spoiled and acting bratty? Are they sure?" So I called them back. Apparently for the DSM criteria, only 3 out of 7 behaviors must be met and she meets almost all. Also she was first diagnosed with conduct disorder prior to age 15, ahe is now 19.

    I also pointed out to them that she loves animals and would never hurt one, and there are some occasions when she can be quite kind to others (rare, but there). They said that just like all of us, people with antisocial personality disorder dont exhibit all signs at all times and will manipulate when it serves their purpose (occaisional kind gestures)...they also said they dont make the diagnosis lightly, as it is a pretty serious one to make.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I wouldnt necessarily trust the diagnosis unless there were two seperate ones. As I read the history, I wondered about autistic spectrum didorder, which is a neurological difference that causes lots of problems connecting with others. On the other hand, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) does not include criminal behavior, although autistics can be very gullible.

    Rather than focusing on this diagnoses, in my opinion its better to decide how youbsre going to handle your daughters behavior. You did not cause this. it happens. Nobody is certain why.

    Put Aspergers Syndrome in the search engine.

    I do really respect neuro psychologists and used one for my autistic son from Mayo Clinic. He was excellent and I'm sure he was right, yet talking to ke casually, after the rvaluation, he said, "We make mistakes all the tike.bWe are not always right." I do feel most neuropsychs are the best diagnosticians in the U.S. But none of these diagnoses can be verified by blood tests. There are possibilities that they are wrong. And they can also be right. You know your daughter best.
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016
  6. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you so much.
  7. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you so much
  8. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you for replying. She doesnt fit the criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), but yes i am trying to find more effective ways of communication rather than falling into her argument traps. It is exhausting some days.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Tryintocope. I'm so sorry for the struggles with your daughter, it's been a very long road for you.

    Your daughter is now an adult which makes any control you have over her impossible. As many of us here have learned, it is now US who have to do the changing. Antisocial Personality disorder is a tough one, if that is indeed the diagnosis, you may want to contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, you can contact them online and they have chapters in many cities. They have an excellent support system for parents, which I would invite you to look into so you get the support you need. After so many years of focusing on your daughter, you have probably not been taking care of your own needs, so YOU getting support is necessary.

    You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. For many of us, getting into therapy so that WE have a safe place to go for support becomes necessary and can be extremely helpful to offer not only support, but compassion, guidance, information, resources........NAMI can offer you resources as well.

    The path you're on with your daughter is difficult. It forces us to learn how to parent in a very different way. It pushes us towards learning detachment, not an easy task. We have to learn to accept what we can't change and let go in many ways that parents of typical kids don't have to go through, it is not easy.........but it is doable. As you develop your own "tool box" of resources for you, the path becomes less difficult and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Be very kind to yourself, you've been through a lot.

    Keep posting, it helps. You're not alone, we know how you feel.
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  10. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you very much for the information and the quick reply and support.
  11. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    It wont let me click on the article link...which thread is it under?
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I don't know that she, at 15, sounds like ASPD. Actually, she sounds a LOT like ME at that age, and I'm a high-functioning autistic who also has bipolar disorder.

    And her school experience with peers is nearly identical to mine; only I dropped out because the bullying literally had me in fear of my life.
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  13. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    When you click o Parent Emeritus forum, the second post is the article on detachment. KSM
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What is detachment?
    Detachment is the:
    * Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
    * Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
    * Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
    * Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
    * Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
    * Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
    * Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
    * Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
    * Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
    * Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
    * Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
    * Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
    * Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
    * Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.

    What are the negative effects not detaching?
    If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
    * Will have people, places or things which become over-dependent on you.
    * Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
    * Can become an obsessive "fix it" who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
    * Run the risk of performing tasks because of the intimidation you experience from people, places or things.
    * Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
    * Will be blind to the reality that the people, places or things which control you are the uncontrollables and unchangeables you need to let go of if you are to become a fully healthy, coping individual.
    * Will be easily influenced by the perception of helplessness which these people, places or things project.
    * Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
    * Run the risk of becoming out of control of yourself and experience greater low self-esteem as a result.
    * Will most probably put off making a decision and following through on it, if you rationally recognize your relationship with a person, place or thing is unhealthy and the only recourse left is to get out of the relationship.
    * Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
    * Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

    How is detachment a control issue?
    Detachment is a control issue because:
    * It is a way of de-powering the external "locus of control" issues in your life and a way to strengthen your internal "locus of control."
    * If you are not able to detach emotionally or physically from a person, place or thing, then you are either profoundly under its control or it is under your control.
    * The ability to "keep distance" emotionally or physically requires self-control and the inability to do so is a sign that you are "out of control."
    * If you are not able to detach from another person, place or thing, you might be powerless over this behavior which is beyond your personal control.
    * You might be mesmerized, brainwashed or psychically in a trance when you are in the presence of someone from whom you cannot detach.
    * You might feel intimidated or coerced to stay deeply attached with someone for fear of great harm to yourself or that person if you don't remain so deeply involved.
    * You might be an addicted caretaker, fixer or rescuer who cannot let go of a person, place or thing you believe cannot care for itself.
    * You might be so manipulated by another's con, "helplessness," overdependency or "hooks" that you cannot leave them to solve their own problems.
    * If you do not detach from people, places or things, you could be so busy trying to "control" them that you completely divert your attention from yourself and your own needs.
    * By being "selfless" and "centered" on other people, you are really a controller trying to fix them to meet the image of your ideal for them.
    * Although you will still have feelings for those persons, places and things from which you have become detached, you will have given them the freedom to become what they will be on their own merit, power, control and responsibility.
    * It allows every person, place or thing with which you become involved to feel the sense of personal responsibility to become a unique, independent and autonomous being with no fear of retribution or rebuke if they don't please you by what they become.

    What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
    * If you should stop being involved, what will they do without you?
    * They need you and that is enough to justify your continued involvement.
    * What if they commit suicide because of your detachment? You must stay involved to avoid this.
    * You would feel so guilty if anything bad should happen to them after you reduced your involvement with them.
    * They are absolutely dependent on you at this point and to back off now would be a crime.
    * You need them as much as they need you.
    * You can't control yourself because everyday you promise yourself "today is the day" you will detach your feelings but you feel driven to them and their needs.
    * They have so many problems, they need you.
    * Being detached seems so cold and aloof. You can't be that way when you love and care for a person. It's either 100 percent all the way or no way at all.
    * If you should let go of this relationship too soon, the other might change to be like the fantasy or dream you want them to be.
    * How can being detached from them help them? It seems like you should do more to help them.
    * Detachment sounds so final. It sounds so distant and non-reachable. You could never allow yourself to have a relationship where there is so much emotional distance between you and others. It seems so unnatural.
    * You never want anybody in a relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think it a good thing to do for others?
    * The family that plays together stays together. It's all for one and one for all. Never do anything without including the significant others in your life.
    * If one hurts in the system, we all hurt. You do not have a good relationship with others unless you share in their pain, hurt, suffering, problems and troubles.
    * When they are in "trouble," how can you ignore their "pleas" for help? It seems cruel and inhuman.
    * When you see people in trouble, confused and hurting, you must always get involved and try to help them solve the problems.
    * When you meet people who are "helpless," you must step in to give them assistance, advice, support and direction.
    * You should never question the costs, be they material, emotional or physical, when another is in dire need of help.
    * You would rather forgo all the pleasures of this world in order to assist others to be happy and successful.
    * You can never "give too much" when it comes to providing emotional support, comforting and care of those whom you love and cherish.
    * No matter how badly your loved ones hurt and abuse you, you must always be forgiving and continue to extend your hand in help and support.
    * Tough love is a cruel, inhuman and anti-loving philosophy of dealing with the troubled people in our lives and you should instead love them more when they are in trouble since "love" is the answer to all problems.

    Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4Ik80U3cV
  15. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you so much for your response. I have tried to find some attributes she displays in the as area, but unfortunately I fear she more closely exhibits, a lot of the time, behaviors and attitudes more consistant with her recent diagnosis. Her earlier tests, at around 15, pointed at that time , they said, more toward conduct disorder with narcissistic tendancies. Now that she is 19, she is much worse especially when she loses her temper. She realizes she has temper/anger problems and has said she would be willing to take anger management classes. I think she realizes she cant behave the way she does when angry and expect to keep work once she finds it or stay in classes if she were to unleash her temper at college. Just this morning while arguing with me about getting up to go to class, she wanted me to leave to get her somthing takeout, as i have had no time to grocery shop yet this week. When i reminded her i had a cyst removed from under my arm and the seatbelt hit where it was and caused pain, she said she should put her finger in the wound and twist it. This has been one of the most cruel statements she has made to me as of yet and kind of shocked me.
    I have to admit, sometines a couple of days will go by where she is nice, and i will think " no, they are wrong. She isnt that way" . Then she will start an arguement over something that shouldnt even be an issue and it will escalate and i'm like "oh yea, there she is again, this person who cant be my daughter. And i get that sick feeling again they are right and im just being foolishly wishful. I can tell you im exhausted from the tiptoeing i do to try not to set her off.
  16. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    OK, THAT is not at all like I was at that age. I was never cruel like that. I used to rage, but I never physically threatened my parents, though I could hit some emotional buttons.

    I used to rage because I was so frustrated and just didn't know how to handle my feelings, or even exactly WHAT I was feeling.

    I certainly never demanded that my parents go get me food, or cook for me, etc.

    That, what you mention above, does sound more like ASPD than high-functioning autism. Of course, by the age your daughter is now, I was engaged and living with my fiance and working in a computer room, so my path was a bit different.

    I'd tapered the drug use back to just weed (oil and hash) by that time, and only on days off, and I wasn't particularly into alcohol then. I was a heavy cig smoker, though; a vice I took up at the tender age of 14.
  17. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you so much for your response. I do realize they can be wrong. I hope they are. If they arent, i hope she can learn to control her behaviors and still have a good life. I did change her therapy from one on one ( which got us no where over 4 yrs) to family therapy.
  18. jetsam

    jetsam Active Member

    hello, trying, when i read your post you could have been talking about my son! He had all the same issues growing up, but he wasn't bullied (he took martial arts and was pretty good at it) ostracized by peers, no REAL friends , not invited to birthday parties or sleepovers etc..school was easy in the early years, then when the school put him in gifted classes he self sabotaged himself to get out of a class full of "NERDS" . by 7th grade started with the "misfit" crowd , u know the ones who have their issues and don't fit in at all . Anyway things started unravelling from there. Through all the doctors. all they ever came up with was ADHD I knew there was more but no Dr. ever committed to anything. I have to add that he was very smart and manipulative ands able to totally get over on the doctors. As much as my husband and i argued that there had to be comorbidity with another mental health issue going on no-one ever truly believed it. (and we tried many doctors over the years) I do have to agree that your daughter is of the age where you no longer have control. If you can start working on detaching it will be beneficial to both you and your daughter!

    As we have invested so many years in caring for our children in every facet, loving them, protecting them, consoling them,teaching them , disciplining them... to step back and let them make their own choices is probably the scariest and hardest thing we will ever have to do but it is so necessary for their possible success and our own self preservation! If we don't, we get dragged into a quagmire of fear, anxiety , depression,anger and resentment. I struggle with it every day. The more I learn to detach with love the better i feel. Good luck and keep reaching out..it helps
  19. Tryintocope

    Tryintocope New Member

    Thank you jetsam. I have been trying to start to detach, but she always gets me with the threat of dropping out of college and running away and i will have to then live with the fact that something i said/did/didnt do led to whatever life she ends up in. I have to admit, my son was the first to suggest something more was going on with his sister, i guess i was too caught up in feeling sorry for her anout the kids not befriending her/bullying her to see it. I thought he was jealous with how much attention i felt i had to spend on the chaos that centered around her. He first suggested perhaps she was autistic, etc. Im so tired of the chaos. The passive aggressive manipulation has turned into outright threats ftom her re her behaviors and now it is easier for me to see.
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Her threat, a graphic one, to hurt you is not autism.

    Be careful if you do think she may have Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). People who have it can turn on even family. Use your judgment.