....it all just feels like such a long story. Just threw my 18-year-old only child out again. He is in foster care for my safety and my mental health- he used to be very out of control (violent around the house)- so he has another home to go to. After I gave up custody he was able to spend a year in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He had stopped attending school years before but they helped him get stabilized, get his GED, and get into college. After he got out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) they placed him in a "therapeutic foster home," which is not remotely therapeutic. He relapsed and fairly quickly dropped out of college. He's been there for a little more than a year now. Until about 8 months ago I was very involved with the foster care agency treatment team. After my son had a big relapse and dropped out of college we had a big meeting and my abusive ex showed up to it (he is generally uninvolved). The agency's agenda at the meeting turned out to be to get me to take custody back. Then my ex jumped on about how my son was only in foster care because I'm a big drama queen.... I only ever needed a restraining order for him because I'm bad and mentally ill, and there's no reason I can't take custody of my son. On and on. I walked out of the that meeting and have not since communicated with the treatment team. I understand the agency's point of view. My son won't work with them, won't really accept the help they can offer. He is difficult. Normally they have children who don't have parents, or whose parents are very low functioning. I am articulate, resourceful, and employed. They don't know what to do with that. Meanwhile, they have kids who need slots and my son, who has me in his life, is taking up space. He won't go to drug treatment, but clearly needs it. I stayed on them for months to get him a therapist, they finally did and he didn't go. He just wants the free roof over his head. My point of view is that he once pushed me into a plate glass window, put many holes in walls, broke countless pieces of furniture, stole and stole and stole from me, etc. There are degrees to which he can earn trust, but No Way am I accepting him as a full-time resident of home-- I want the safety net. He recently went through a Good period. He had a job a few blocks from my house and far from his foster home. It was his first job. While he was working he was earning my trust by functioning in society. I was overlooking all the pot smoking, and believing that there was little else going on. Before I knew it, he was full-time living with me. Then he lost of the job. Then I found out he'd been taking Percocet. Then I told him he could only stay with me on the weekends, but he started being super nice and helpful around the house for a week. Then I found out that before he got the job he'd been hanging out with people who also deal crack and live just a few blocks from me. Then he started stalling out on the being nice and helpful, and I started figuring out that he basically had no intention of getting another job. Again: weekend only. But he just had a major.... I want to say temper tantrum. Eyes bugging out, getting in my face yelling at me because he wants me to give him money, because there's no food at the foster home, dumped some food from our house I told him he could take with him down the toilet (after that I told him he had to stay away for 24 hours), started destroying a precious photo magnet from his childhood (became stay away until further notice)..... I already have a two lock system on my door- one lock he has, one he doesn't. So I can be in control. Meanwhile the most care agency had figured out that he hasn't been at the foster home much. They are riding him to be there every night. So we are more or less on the same page, even though we still aren't communicating. ....my son's idea of how to handle that is to be there at night then come to my place, which is near his friends, for the day. I'm just not comfortable with that plan. But he goes crazy about how he has no where to go and he HAS to come here. If I suggest he get a job, I escalate the situation. But I do it anyway. Or talk about the library, museums that are free (we live in a major city). So yesterday was the first day time that I had locked both locks to keep him out. But I came home and the lock only I had the key to had been unlocked and the house smelled like weed. He had been here. Today he dropped by gave me the high security bottom lock and the photo magnet that he had taken. And he's asking for money for a sandwich, of course. No money. I offered to meet him at the grocery store and buy him some economical groceries. He doesn't want that. I'm completely heartbroken. My entire personal life is such a tragedy. My own recovery has been strong, but what a well of despair. I'm thinking of trying to work with the foster care agency again- reopen communication. I'm terrified, and I know my son is just in a lot of pain. And I increase his pain by not enabling. He was on something hard core when I called him last night. I'm scared.