Kinda sorta caved

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    So my difficult child called tonight... his plan was to go back down south tomorrow...problem was the plan to pay for the ticket fell through so he had no way to buy the ticket. I mentioned the miles..... and then my husband said he felt we should help him get the ticket, because really we want him to go back. I did tell difficult child he better check and see if the sober house will take him back. They will, with some tightening up of rules for him. I talked to them also to make sure. We are paid up until Dec 1st so they will take him until then and see how he does. So we did get him a ticket for tomorrow morning... and the ticket was cheap which is nice.

    Then my difficult child called and his girlfriend and her friend have no gas... wanted $20 for gas money to get him to the airport. We siad we would not do that.... but did say i was willing to drive him to the airport. Now this is very inconvient for me but will give me a chance to see him. And at least we are sticking to our no cash policy!!! And at least I will know he gets to the airport... won't know for sure he gets on the plane but I will know he got to the airport.

    So we shall see what happens next. I do feel better about this because i feel going back there and to the sober house is his best chance right now for recovery. Staying up here is a doomed proposition in my mind.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    So you are paying these places directly, I hope, and not giving him any cash or anything he can cash in? I think I'd be expecting him to find a way to pay some of this back. It sounds like he is teetering on a line and has choices right now to salvage himself so firm boundaries are needed, while still allowing him the opportunity to go in the right direction. It sounds like you are trying hard to support that.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    You're clear in that you give him generous & unwavering support when he is doing the right thing-taking steps towards sobriety. I see nothing wrong there. I would have done exactly the same thing.
    Xiang fingers for you. Update us when you see him
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with you TL, the sober house is where he needs to be. What was your reaction when he called? Did you ask where he had been or why he never went? It's interesting that he just called and pretended like it was no big deal, but my difficult child would do the same. At least you have heard from him and it must be an enormous relief to you. This is the roller coaster we all talk about. We are despondant and then they go for help and we have hope again.

    You are doing the right thing by not giving him any money for anything.

  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm so glad he is ok for now. Let us know when he is there and safe, Thinking of you.... Buddy
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think you did well, especially if his odds are better at the sober house.

  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think your decisions all involve appropriate boundaries, and support him in his recovery. That's what matters here.

    Keeping fingers crossed that he sticks with it this time...
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You know, I never have liked roller coasters . . . the kind at amusement parks or the emotional ones that our difficult child's have put us on.

    FWIW . . . I think you did the right thing. One of our members, Fran, uses the "do to get" philosophy which I have adopted. When a difficult child does the right thing, then we help.

  9. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    I agree - you didn't "cave" on the hard boundaries (no cash), but were flexible in giving him the assistance that you felt appropriate.