We crave certainty, but there is no such thing, especially in the world of a difficult child.
This is so true. It helped me tremendously to read books by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun who seems to specialize in living in uncertainty. Comfortable with Uncertainty, Living Beautifully and When things fall apart, were my favorites, but they're are all worth reading.
Our kids place us on a path we never wanted to be on, and here on this path, control, predictability, reason, logic, stability and a sense of safety do not exist. For us to remain sane and healthy, we have to learn to let go of control and live amidst the remarkable unpredictability and uncertainty of our kids lives...............it is a helluva journey.............but not impossible to navigate.
Meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, acupuncture and anything which calms the body, the mind and the emotions, for me, was extremely helpful. Crying, to release the pain, exercise to offer up the endorphins, eating a very clean diet and getting enough sleep, ease the struggles we face daily.
Making the choices we do here and simply living through some days requires us to make our health and well being the absolute most important focus we have. Then from a position of strength, commitment and intention, we can do what feels right to us. Sometimes what is right is putting it all aside and helping our kids this time............then beginning to let go once again...........
There is no right or wrong, there is no guide book, we do what we can live with, we do what our hearts dictate and then we learn, we grow, we forgive ourselves, we love ourselves, we accept ourselves and we put one foot in front of the other and move on.
Courage comes from each tiny step we take in the direction of our own peace of mind............it arrives when we just can't do what we've been doing.............and usually not a moment sooner. Posting here that you are wishing for your courage to show up, is a very good step in the right direction..........it's where most of us began...........keep posting, it helps.
We love our kids, we do the best we can, when we are aware of a better way, we do better. We go up and down and sideways, that is the nature of the beast. Don't spend any time at all comparing your process to another or holding yourself to some impossible standard, or blaming yourself for not doing something differently...........we are all warriors in an impossible war and just getting through each day intact and doing what feels right IN THAT MOMENT is a triumph. Be so very kind to yourselves.