Life Lessons

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Feb 20, 2010.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Life lessons can be some of the hardest, most painful lessons to learn, yet are usually the ones that really stick with us and help us grow.

    Travis has been learning some really tough life lessons since Sept. I haven't updated on him much because I wanted him to work through them as much on his own as possible.......and because he has a new hobby of reading my posts here.:tongue:

    After last quarter, Travis found himself on acedemic probation. Various issues, adjusting to a new environment, adjusting to the way college and college classes work. Not laziness on his part. Also not uncommon for a freshman.

    Not long ago he reveiled that he was broke. And that he had lied to me that the 4000.00 of my inheritance money given to him by my Mom wasn't going to be what he was going to try to live on the entire year. (he had told me there were other funds) This didn't surpise me as I know my kids well enough to know when they're being honest......and so I expected this to happen. Actually expected it to happen much sooner than the end of Dec/begining of Jan because he was not only eating off the money but also buying books and supplies as well. Books are outragious!

    Along with being broke.........he decided that it would be far cheaper and far wiser to return home this summer and to take the general ed classes here at the community college next year. His plan at that time was to live off his income tax return until the end of the year.

    He called me last night and wanted to bounce some ideas off of me. He spoke to his advisor about his grades and some of his options as well as his decision to take his general ed courses here. The advisor is worried that if he gets a 3rd quarter of probation he won't be allowed to return to the college. Travis was doing great this quarter because he only took Astronomy and fencing (yes, I said fencing!). He had an A going in astronomy (his only grade class) until he slept thru half the mid term due to a re-occuring issue of extremely low blood pressure. (the mid term is broken down into 2 tests) Instructor is one who won't let you make up a missed exam. But he is going to talk to her monday and explain what happened and see if she'll cut him a break. He has nothing to lose, all she can do is say No. If he can't make it up, the highest grade he can get in her class is a B. Not enough to yank his gpa out of probation range. Which would place him on academic probation for the 2nd time and give him no elbow room at all for spring quarter.

    So Travis asked what I thought of him coming home now and not taking spring quarter. Only issue I see with it is that as it stands now he will have to continue to pay for the apartment........which means he'll have to pay that money (several thousand dollars) back even though he wasn't there. So he needs to speak to them about if he can break his contract and how he has to go about doing it. Other than the apartment, with his current money issues, it probably would be best for him to come home. The kid can't starve for 3 months......and no one in the family is in a position to be able to keep him supplied with food.

    So he is drawing up a list of questions to get answers to before the decision is made final.

    I know he's disappointed and he's not feeling very successful right now. But all personal bias aside, I think he was very successful on several different levels.

    One of his major goals was to see if he could live independently away from home and the family support system. This was why he was so determined to live on campus. And he's managed to do that for the past 7 months. He's cooked for himself, shopped for himself, cleaned his apartment, gotten himself up for class and met his responsibilities including the 2-3 mile walk (one way) to the fencing class in this awful weather. He managed to make that 4000.00 last 5 months longer than I estimated that it would. He attempted to solve his own financial issues buy looking for work, but between the economy and being on acedemic probation they won't hire him. He has not asked us (any of the family) for help, nor complained although I know he hasn't been eating much.

    I think this goal was at least 99 percent met. :D I think he did one hellova job.

    I know he is not feeling so great about the grades. But that part was never really something I was much focused on anyway. And it's like I told him, he has plenty of company with other freshmen who find themselves having the same issues. And when you factor in his multiple disabilities and that his support system was nearly 2 hrs away......he did a pretty darn good job in this area too.

    When he was home over vacation I noticed how much the experience has matured him. He's come a looooong way in 7 months.

    And he didn't balk when I told him if he came home there would be ground rules in place. He has to work even with going to school. husband and I can't afford to have him here otherwise. Money is just too tight. He will have to be more considerate of food and utilities because we can have our monthly bills jump back up to what they were before he and Nichole moved out......or we won't be able to pay them.

    So, the decision will be made once he gathers all the information and we can see which would be the best way for him to handle it.

    I've got to say I'm really proud of the man he is growing into. :D
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like he has done a really good job for being away from home for the first time, at least living on his own anyway. LOTS of college freshman have these problems, esp right now. For the short term is there a food bank he could get to or get a ride to?

    Has he tried for food stamps? I know quite a few college kids who only ate because they got them. With the disabilities he might qualify for some extra help also.

    Can I ask if he is at UC? I know a couple of churches that might, maybe, help. Just a thought to help him get through this quarter. How much is left of this quarter?

    It is really really cool that he has had such successes in college. Not universally successful, but he really has done it on his own!

    When you see him give him a hug from this Auntie!
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im pretty proud of him too. Its sure not easy.

    Have you guys started the disability app yet? That would help him immensely.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think he has done a great job. I went to the same college, only I lived with my parents 30 minutes away. I worked. And I was still broke. So... I'm very proud of him too! Especially since he hasn't called us at all... though I did offer!
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think he's done very well. I hope he can figure out a way to stay at school, but I applaud his maturity in talking to you about coming home. That is not an easy thing to do.