Lost and broken momma

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Sad momma, Jan 19, 2017.

?

What do i do

  1. Do I stay available to her so she knows I love her

    1 vote(s)
    100.0%
  2. Or let her destroy her life and I will never see her again alive

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    I am new here as well. One of my daughters found this site to help me. My 32 year old daughter is on the street, selling using stealing lying has warrants and when she gets arrested gets right out. I don't know how but she does. She went from a strong wonderful mom to a sick horrible lying addict in 1 year. She shoots meth and salts has lost her son and her mind. She has mixed her life up with some of the worst gangs which I won't mention on here and I have not even let her know where I moved. I used to drive around looking for her but had to stop. Inwas in the worst places. She kept telling to get out of the area it was not safe. It's making me physically ill. She has manipulated me into paying for hotels and stole from me and broke into her sisters home and so many other things. I don't know who she is. I lost my strong beautiful loving funny daughter. Last night she threatened her life and asked me to bury her by her daughter. Today her sister and I tried so hard to get her to turn herself in sending her pics of her 4yr old son who was her love of her life cuz her 1st daughter died she was a premie. I thought she was almost there but she stop talking then hours later calling I need your help momma. I need a hotel. It's 5 degrees here and snow has been so bad. I almost did it. But i panicked and the guilt tears me up. I am lost torn apart I see a counselor but havent for a while due to our weather indrive almost 200 miles round trip to see counselor and i follow someone who helps addicts but I don't know how to live. What and how do I do this. I need help
     
  2. I'm so sorry for these circumstances and it must be torture but cannot say I know how your feeling. My mother keeps taking my brother in who is now age 40. He has a son age 2 now so she has them both. I never tell her what she should do but I will say you sound like a caring momma. I pray you find relief.
     
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Do you think she would agree to go to detox?
     
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Your daughter has been taken over by the disease of addiction. Really, since she doesn't want life changing advice or help...all you can do is tell her you love her. You can tell her where the shelter is or a safe haven...or, turn herself in...then she would have a bed and food and detox assistance.

    The nightmare your living is very real...though it looks different for everyone, no matter how much she loves her child...the drug pull is a chemical dependence she can't or won't overcome.

    It sounds like turning herself in is the safest option if she won't go to detox or rehab...especially when gangs are present.

    You have done whAt you can, I'm glad you have been taking care of yourself and are safe...that's important!!!

    Please...gentle hugs and prayers to you...it's painful and hard to understand. The addict is not your daughter....she s in there....but only she can decide to fight for herself.
     
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  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Offer her rehab, not a hotel in my opinion. If she says no then she isn't ready to get well and I am pretty sure there are 24 hr. Wal-Mart's, laundromats, diners, a bus syation, an airport, a train station etc where she can go to warm up. She may even be able to catch some winks in a chair. I lived by O Hare Airport and the homeless snuck in and often holed up for hours without being caught.

    The discomfort they put up with not to get help is mind boggling.

    Gentle hugs.
     
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    No one has mentioned the term "rock bottom" here is some time but maybe that is what your daughter needs to hit before she decides to get help and turn her life around. If not for herself, for her son.

    We've been through a lot with our son and us running circles trying to keep him safe, sober, honest, or from making bad choices has done nothing except leave US exhausted. Anything that came out of it was short lived. It has to be up to the person themselves to want to change. The power lies within them.

    I have told my son we love him but it is up to him to decide what kind of life he wants to live. What kind of person does he want to be? I can't make that decision for him.

    I agree, offer to help her get into rehab - otherwise there is really nothing you can do for her. In the meantime, take care of yourself. See a therapist, go to NA or AA meetings, keep reading and posting here. We get it.
     
  7. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    I have also mentioned hospital waiting rooms. Just turning herself in. Shelters, everything I can think of. She hangs out in hotel lobbies but blames everyone else. She has been offered 2 free very top rehab places I don't understand the life she lives. Even here boyfriend in jail wants her to get help he begs her so they fight. Of course he is clean now but it's hard 2 tell if she is lying cuz i so want to believe.
     
  8. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    She is scared about jail for all she knows that is a risk a high one. What is the answer. She listens then gets high don't get her way with me anymore n communication stops after she says she is done. Dead inside n alone. She is not protected and so much more. It's like a terrible movie. I m not sleeping n eating again blood tests coming back bad n surgery next week. God is in control I thought she hit rock bottom but not yet
     
  9. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    You can be no help to her when sh we needs it if tour not well..trust me, I get it. Many of us do. ..we have all put our health aside, not eaten and ignored other people who truly love us.

    Hugs sweet mom
     
  10. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    Did she go to counseling after the death of her first child? Do you think that is what this is mainly about--not being able to cope with pain and loss? If the drugs are blocking that out, I can see why she wouldn't want to stop using. She went through a very painful trauma.
     
  11. stressedmama

    stressedmama Active Member

    In my experience, the manipulation will never end unless you make the choice to end it. As long as she knows she can pull at your heartstrings by telling you she's cold, hungry, suicidal, etc, it will never stop. SWOT made good suggestions. These addicts of ours are VERY resourceful. They find a way to pay for their drugs. They can find a way to stay warm, eat, and have a place to lay they head down.

    Best thing you can do is take care of yourself. You can be loving and supportive of your daughter without offering financial assistance. The money will only be used to score, anyway.

    As hard as it was (is), detachment is the only way our family has survived.
     
  12. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    Thank you, I'm a lost mama I don't know if I'll find relief. Energy some days n some days not. I am raising one granddaughter who now is 7 for the last 5 years due to my youngest being abused and could not emotionally give then. So i offered. I now won't disrupt her security. My oldest this is taking me out. My middle daughter great mama and daughter. But thank you i feel like I did much wrong somewhere. Raised them in church learning of the word and Jesus having faith is a struggle.
     
  13. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

     
  14. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    Your advice is right and at the same time hard. I am so sorry for what your going through. They are resourceful plus mine deals as well. She knows me very well and knows how to get to me. What is sad is they only live in the moment and dont realize as time also goes by and parents get sick and they may never see them again. Do they care? I really don't think so. So i wasted my breath on trying to tell her hoping she would wake up. Nope all she wanted was my cc number. :(
     
  15. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

     
  16. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    I have tried she was offered 2 nice free 30000 beds setup with dates to go with people waiting. There is another one as well ready to accept her but she laughs and says, I can beat this mom. I will and I try everyday to stop but my head hurts and my brain twinges. But i can do this and I will get my son. I told her 2 days ago u need help. She said, I know. I told her to dump all the drugs she had and walk away. She said no way do u know how much money that is. Then said she would not talk on messenger with me anymore. I have not had her number in a year. She has several. Someone taught her.she won't go. She has always been stubborn and a controlling person smart as well. She moved up way fast in this game of darkness.
     
  17. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

     
  18. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    No she is stubborn, her husband was in the military. I drove her Across the Nation while she waited for him. Then they had a son. He came back from being deployed and was cheating on her. She couldn't handle the pain so she went through a divorce she divorced him. That was the day when I saw my daughter fell apart was last year in December. She moved where we are from where they lost were. He left the military their stability she got a really good job with the state making a lot of money. But she gave up 50% of her time with her son and I couldn't understand why. She said she just couldn't fight anymore that he just took everything from her she lost her family. And that was the beginning of the breakdown of my daughter. Was last December so it's been 13 months still I'm sure it's accumulation of things. I tried to get her to go to counseling but I know the drugs number inside and that's why she said she feels dead inside and now she says her body's breaking down which I know is because she's had two serious abscesses one on her face and one on her arm. She even fell asleep driving a car and broke her arm and wouldn't go to the doctor so she taped it up herself and let it mend on its own. Which we all know it is not fixed. Not Only did she lose that great job she also lost her brand new car. Then all of her clothes and all of her belongings leather couches everything. I as well have been denied to see my grandson.
     
  19. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

     
  20. Sad momma

    Sad momma New Member

    I know but it is hard for me. I too would give the advice to take care of yourself. But when it comes to me that's a tough one. I take great care of my granddaughter who lives with me. But me i almost don't care. My mom and my sisters constantly sending me vitamins and protein and I have people come up here and help me and send me things to help me feel better and I just don't. That's three days I don't even want to get up I have no energy whatsoever. Have surgery in 3 days I have to find the strength so I can heal after that. You guys are all wonderful thank you for the Post I'll be looking and reading and looking to encourage others as well. We're all in this together. I'll be praying for everyone God bless